Randy contemplates his new life.
Thanks to LarryInSeattle for his always helpful editing assistance.
Enjoy.
==========
I arrived at the camp mid-afternoon. Leon showed me where I could park the truck. It was on the opposite side of the camp from Liam and Matt. I don't think that was done on purpose; that was simply the spot where there was room to park my truck without bothering anyone. I'd decided that Kent was almost certainly right about an air mattress on a truck bed. I'd stopped and parted with some of my cash and got a six-person tent and a couple of camp chairs. The air mattress wouldn't be any softer on the ground than on the bed of my truck so I bought a camp cot as well.
I'd also picked up a larger cooking ring, propane, when I bought the tent. At this rate, I'll be a pauper before the first snow. I get it going and start some double-cut pork chops simmering with onions, garlic, tomatoes, mushrooms, and wine. I'll use the smaller Coleman stove to fry some potatoes and heat some corn. After I get the pork chops going, there'll be plenty of time to sit. I got everything squared away and walked over to the boys' cabin, to invite them over to eat with me.
It's obvious there's a problem. The boys are down in the dumps and out of sorts. They appear happy to see me; that's something. They ask about Kent and frown when I tell them he didn't come with me. Even with the windows and doors open their small cabin reeks of sex. I feel a pang of what I hope is loneliness and not jealousy. I tell them to come over anytime but that the food should be ready around six o'clock. They decide to follow me back.
The boys tell me, Liam taking the lead, about what happened with Darren. Unless they're lying, which I don't believe for a minute, I don't see what they could have done different, other than to ignore him. I think they realize now that might have been the best option. Joining them in bed was clearly something he'd wanted. I'm not surprised they underestimated the impact of what happened on Darren. They might have understood better if they had grown up in a home where they had to hide who they were. Matt hadn't hidden his gayness from his parents, he truly saw it as irrelevant.
"Well, other than ignoring him, I'm not sure what you could have done," I tell them, after I checked on the pork chops. "Threesomes and orgies sound exciting, and I'm not saying they can't be, but there's always the potential for trouble and the potential increases exponentially with every person added. In my, admittedly limited experience, it's not worth the trouble."
"So, you'd never do something like that again?"
"No, Matt. I don't know that I'd make a categorical statement like that but I'd go into it with my eyes wide open and I'd think long and hard with my head and not my dick."
We're quiet after that, each lost in his own thoughts. The pork chops seem to bring some life back in the boys. There's plenty of light left in the sky, the summer solstice is a few days away, but the mosquitos begin to swarm. I wonder for the first time if mosquitoes simply seem more irritating when your mind is unsettled or if it's possible that an unsettled mind causes something to change in your body. Do you give off a scent, a scent that invites mosquitoes or any other unsettling force in the area, to come on over, have a bite or two? I recall a
Star Trek
episode, a couple of episodes actually, where an entity fed off fear or anger. Whatever the reason, the boys say goodnight soon after eating. They offer to help clean up but I shoo them away. I brush my teeth while water heats on the stove. I wash up the few dishes and climb into the tent, feeling depressed. I strip and lie down atop the camp cot. It's too warm for a sleeping bag. I pull up memories of the toys Kent had introduced me to and wonder if I have the courage, or the desire, to try a butt plug that delivers shocks. Wondering that kills any desire to jerk off. Besides, we had agreed to not jerk off until we were together again. That, I remind myself, was my own brilliant idea. I consider reading but I'd need to light the lantern for that and that, frankly, seems like too much trouble. I climb off the cot, pull on a pair of shorts and my flip flops and duck out of the tent. I zip it up fast, trying to minimize the number of mosquitoes that get inside.
I set off down the dirt road toward the clubhouse, hands waving about my head like a man tormented by demons. There's enough light left in the sky to see where I'm going. I'm too far from the tent to turn back when I realize I've forgotten to bring the flashlight. Fuck it. There are lights on in the club house but I walk past it and out to the dock. I glance around; I'm alone. I shuck off my shorts, drop them on the bench and dive in.
The water retains the day's warmth. I swim out to the platform and climb out. In the dim light, I see I'm not alone. Matt and Liam are there. So are Leon and Glenna.
"It would appear I'm not the only restless soul tonight," I offer by way of a greeting. They ignore my nudity; I wish I could. I find myself wishing Kent were here. Glenna and Leon are in the middle. I'm surprised to see Matt lying beside Glenna. They're holding hands. Liam lies close beside Leon. I'm the fifth wheel. As if reading my mind, Glenna turns to Matt and asks him to scooch over a bit. She follows him and gestures for me to lie down between her and Leon. They are all lying on their backs, so I lower myself carefully and stretch out. Glenna takes my hand and rests it atop her tummy, then reaches across me and wraps her fingers around Leon's.
The light fades from the sky and stars begin to appear. No one speaks but we all, 'oh' together when the first shooting star zips across the sky.
"This time next year, I'll have a three-month old," Glenna whispers.
I tap on the decking. "Don't jinx yourself."
"I'm not."
Liam rolls onto his side. His hand rests companionably on Leon's chest. "Did you take the test already?"
"No, Leon wants me to wait until there can be no question but I don't need the test; I know it worked."
"Right on," Matt chimes in. "Way to go, Ran..." His voice trails off. "Sorry, Leon, I'm a fucking idiot sometimes."
"Nothing to be sorry about," Leon replies in the same laconic tone he uses for nearly every pronouncement that issues from his mouth. "If this worked, no one'll be happier than me."
Nothing more is said. They watch the stars. Matt and Liam climb to their feet, whisper "g'night", dive off the platform, and swim to the dock. They're briefly visible, beneath a dusk-to-dawn lamp, holding hands and then the night closes in around them.
"What if we fell asleep and woke up in a different world?" Glenna's voice is a soft whisper, as if speaking too loudly would offended the stars above them.
"Well, that would depend on the world, wouldn't it?"
"Yes, Leon, Mr. Logical," as she lightly smacks Leon in the chest. "It would be a magical place, like Narnia or something but without anything evil and without the heavy-handed religious allegories. A place where, when you're making love to me, you can feel what I feel and I feel what you feel. How great would that be? Shoot, maybe everyone we love can feel it, so there'd be no jealousy, no hurt feelings." She rolls over to lay on Leon's chest. Her butt is warm against the side of my leg. "And, no, I'm not trying to ask you if I can make love with Randy again, not that I would mind, Randy, no offense."
"None taken," I reassure her with a chuckle.
"Glenna, my love, I wasn't worried about that. I know you as well as you know me. I know if that was something you wanted to do, you'd ask. And you know that I'd say yes, if that was something you wanted to do."
"What about me, would I get a say in it?"
"No, Randy. Honey, you'd be forced to lie back and let me jump your bones." Glenna bumps me with her butt. "What about you two, don't you ever want..."
"No," Leon interrupts her. "I loved the big lunk you're busy rubbing your ass all over, I still do in a way, but, I'm married to you. I don't want or need anyone or anything else."
"That's sweet but why don't we leave it at 'need' anyone else. I know you have wants that I can't provide. That's all. You let me be with Randy. It seems a bit churlish not to offer."
"You didn't want Randy as a sex partner. You wanted Randy to help us have a baby. There's a difference."
"Uh, not to be a dick or anything, but I'm right here. At the moment, I have my hands full figuring out how Kent fits into my life. So, for the foreseeable future, no one is fucking me but him."
"Are you a bottom, then?"
"Jesus, Nena, that's a bit personal, isn't it? We're versatile, if you must know."
"I admit it, I'm curious. I know what it's like to have a penis inside me, including in my butt, but I've never really like it, in my butt I mean. I love having Leon in my pussy. I'm just trying to understand how it all works." She bumps me with her butt again. "I feel sorry for you and Leon, Kent. You sort of know what it feels like to have someone inside you but not really. I can tell you, from my perspective at least, that having someone in your ass is not the same as someone in your pussy."
"Bit presumptuous, aren't we my love? Or perhaps it's more patronizing. I mean, I'm glad you love your pussy but that doesn't mean us poor men are suffering a great deprivation." Leon tells her gently.
"Sorry, Nena," I add. "I have to agree with Leon on this one. I can't imagine I'd feel more a part of someone, more filled by someone, just because they're in my pussy instead of my ass. It's not just the pleasure, it's the sensation of being full, of being filled up by someone you've given yourself to. I'd argue, since a pussy is 'supposed' to have a dick in it, that surrendering my ass to someone represents a greater act of trust than surrendering your pussy is for you."
"Are you kidding me? Come on, Randy. A huge part of this world, this patriarchal fucking world, thinks all a woman has to offer is her pussy. Give me a break, for Christ's sakes. A woman's pussy is a far bigger part of her identity than a man's ass is part of his."
"So, you're saying it's harder for a woman to open up to the possibility of physical love than it is for a man. Actually, allow me to rephrase, not physical love but penetrative love slash sex? You think the first time a young man offer's himself to another man's dick isn't just as hard, just as scary? At least a pussy gets slick, it's designed for it. Men have to make do."
"Make do? Please. Men are designed to fuck anything that breaths."
"I'm not talking about fucking, I'm talking about being fucked. Besides, the man you have your head on doesn't appear to have been designed to fuck anything that breaths."
"Of course, he is, he's simply too kind and too wise to listen to the animal part of his nature."
"And women don't have an animal part to their nature? I think it's my turn to ask to be given a major fucking break. Jesus, Nena."
I see Glenna's head begin to bounce. At first, I'm afraid she's choking, then I realize Leon is laughing. It's his laughter jostling her head. He wiggles from underneath her and sits up, guffawing into the night.
"Leon Anderson, are you laughing at me?" Glenna smacks him on his shoulder but she's chuckling too.
"I'm laughing at both of you. Why don't we agree that offering yourself, emotionally or physically, to anyone, regardless of gender is fraught with peril?"
"Bud, that's all I was saying in the first place. I don't know what your wife was going on about?"
Glenna turns and smacks me.
"And look, you want to talk about 'animal nature', she's beating on you, beating on me."
"Randy Bigland, you take that back or I'll show you what a beating looks like."
I sit up, pull her to me and kiss her, hard. Before she can react, I jump up and dive into the lake.
"Nighty-night," I call when I surface.
"I accept that very nice, very gracious apology," Glenna calls after me.
I see her turn to her husband. I think they may have business to attend to before heading back to shore.
***
I wake from a deep sleep. I'd been dreaming that Kent, Glenna, and Leon were all gathered around me. I was stretched out on some medieval rack, the ones with the ropes and ratcheted wheels. We were all naked. Glenna wore a strap on that was bigger than any of our dicks. There were electrodes on my nipples, my cock, my balls - and a dong in my ass. I grant you, it may sound like one, but this was most definitely not a nightmare. My cock was standing up off my belly. Me and my stupid idea that neither of us should cum until we were together again. I tell myself I could just stroke a few times but I know how easy it is to slip on by the point of no return. So, I'm a good boy and keep my hands off my dick.
I roll off the cot. I don't feel too stiff. It's more comfortable than I had dared hope for. I stretch, as best I can, inside a tent. I need to pee and I want to take a shower. I hadn't after swimming in the lake. I pull on a pair of shorts, grab my shower bucket and use my towel to hide my erection. I piss, brush my teeth, and hit the shower. The warm water feels good. My erection had faded after I'd peed but the warm water and the need to soap my crotch starts to get me hard again.
