Sometimes it seemed like a dream to me. Two weeks ago I’d wound up at my brother Scott’s apartment and gotten stoned and next thing I knew he was sucking my dick. All kinds of things happened from there. It was kind of a wild night. The next day, however, he’d all but pushed me out of his apartment. I wasn’t sure if what had happened had been my fault. Maybe I’d embarrassed him. I did know that night I’d gone through a million and one sensations, having him suck me and then later on have sex with me, it was the some of the most amazing feelings and one of the most intense experiences I’d ever had. I thought about it all the time and every time I let my thoughts head that way I’d inevitably get a hard on. Then feel guilty because it was my older brother I was fantasizing about.
With no explanation he showed up outside my school one lunchtime a couple of weeks later. I recognised his car and wandered over. He was leaning back against it, wearing his versace jeans and a skin tight white teeshirt. He smiled at me over black ray bans and I felt an incredible sense of relief to see him but all the same when I reached him I felt shy.
“Hey,” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you,” he said. “Got any classes this afternoon.”
I nodded.
“Smart kid like you, you can afford to cut school for one afternoon,” he said. I hesitated. It was my senior year and while I wasn’t flunking my academic record wasn’t exactly stunning. “Sure, you can,” said Scott, opening the door not thinking for a moment I was going to say no to him. And he was right. “I need your help with something.”
“Okay,” I said. “Sure.” I got into the car wondering what it was he had planned. I have to admit I was also wondering if things were going to get as hot as last time.
Scott slid into the drivers seat, he was so good looking. We look a little alike but not much. Its like I’m some kind of smudged copy of the original. His face is angular and strong and when he smiles it lights up his face like he is planning the most outrageous mischief. And generally he is.
“You haven’t been over lately,” hesaid breaking into the silence as we pulled out onto the road.
“Been busy,” I said. He glanced at me and his eyes were laughing and I started to relax. I’d been out of my mind to think he might be weird about what happened. Scott loved weird. That’s the exact lifestyle he wishes to cultivate. “I didn’t know if you wanted me coming over.” I said being a little more honest.
“You’re my kid brother,” he said. He’d pulled up to a red light. He looked at me and his expression was serious, maybe even a little sad. “That’s a truth that isn’t ever going to change. No matter what happens. I’m always going to be glad to see you. I know what its like living with Dad remember,” he grinned. Scott had been kicked out of home. No big surprise, huh. “I know you need to get away from him sometimes, you can come over to me any time. I’m always going to be there for you, promise.”
“Okay,” I said because it wasn’t like Scott to make speeches like that and I didn’t know exactly how to respond. “So what do you want my help with?”
Usually its money. Scott has a serious drug habit. He thinks its not a problem because he’s not begging on the streets or anything like that. But he likes getting stoned. A lot. All the time. He likes the people around him to get stoned too. He’s forever borrowing money off me. My Dad would kill me if he knew I gave Scott money. Actually he would kill me if he knew I even saw Scotty. My Dad thinks he is a bad influence and dangerous. That’s what he told me once. He made me promise never to see him. But he’s my brother. What does my Dad expect.
“I’ll tell you when we get to the apartment,” said Scott. And despite everything I felt a rush of excited anticipation. We were going to his apartment, I wasn’t sure what he might have planned or even if I wanted anything to happen but it had felt so good the things we’d done. I kept remembering over and over how it had felt having his lips close on my cock. How hot and warm and wet it had felt being sucked off by him. I’d been wanting to happen again and again.
When we got to his apartment it looked as though it had been trashed. Scott went straight in to the kitchen to get us beers and seemed to genuinely not notice the incredible mess he was living in. I was looking around in amazement, if not a little disgust, sometimes I can’t believe how Scott can live sometimes, this was one of his nicer apartments. He followed my eyes.
“Oh,” he said. “Raoul split a few days ago. We had kind of a fight before he left.”
Raoul was Scott’s boyfriend. I started picking up some of the stuff they’d evidently been throwing at each other or breaking in their fight.
“What’d you fight about?” I asked.
“He found those photographs I took of you,” said Scott calmly watching me over his beer. I felt myself blushing. Although it struck me he had polaroids of a lot of boys, I wasn’t sure why it was me specifically Raoul was mad about. As if he were reading my mind Scott said, “He thought it was wrong because we’re brothers. I explained we’re half brothers, but Raoul suddenly decided to get moralistic about it. He thinks I forced you into it or something.”
I shook my head but I didn’t look at him. He didn’t force me into it. I was curious. I was also a complete mess. I was so stoned I hardly knew what I was doing when it happened. That’s not to say I didn’t like it. I just wasn’t sure it was an experience I’d have tried sober. And it wasn’t anything I wanted to try with any other guy but Scott. I felt safe with him.
“You liked it right,” Scott was suddenly standing next to me. really close. I felt myself getting hot and bothered and it occurred to me that even though I was here and glad to see him, things weren’t ever going to be the same between us. “Hey,” he gently turned my head to him so I looked at him. “You liked it, I know you did.” His voice had got soft and I felt my stomach twist, his hands were on my shoulders and I thought for a second he was going to kiss me. “I’ll go you one better,” he moved really close to me now and I felt myself leaning in towards him as his hands moved down my back and I could feel his breath on my neck, his lips brushing my skin as he whispered in my ear, “I bet you want to do it again.”
“Uh,” I stuttered trying to say I wasn’t sure but instead the only sound that came out was closer to a moan at feeling him so close,. His hand made its way to my crotch and my moan changed to a sigh as he found the bulge in my jeans and caressed it.
“I can feel you do,” he whispered, his hand expertly unbuttoning my jeans, finding my cock. I moaned and leaned against him feeling his fingers lightly touch my cock. He played with it, touching it and then not touching me making me want him, my legs felt shakey, and somehow with his other hand he was helping me pull my teeshirt off. I felt dizzy, I’d only been in apartment two minutes and already this was happening. I’d wanted it to happen. I think. It felt so good. Oh God, it felt good, and even though my eyes were shut I seemed to know where his mouth was and turned towards him and felt his tongue in my mouth exploring, while his experienced fingers teased and played with my cock.
He moved me towards the sofa, managing to help me out of my boxers and jeans on the way. I practically collapsed on it, my legs were so weak. He licked and kissed his way down my chest to my stomach. I was shaking with anticipation. I wanted so bad to feel his mouth on my cock again. I pushed his head down greedily and when he took his cock in his mouth I moaned, leaned back and nothing else in the world mattered except the sensation of his mouth working my cock.
Then suddenly he stopped, it nearly drove me crazy feeling him pull away, like that. My eyes snapped open and I wondered what I’d done but he was smiling at me.
“Yeah you liked that,” he said. “Say it.”
I nodded, I didn’t think I could talk, my cock was throbbing and I wanted to pull him back over and beg him to finish the job.
“Say it, “ said Scott again. He liked to do this. Make me say things. “Say you like getting your cock sucked.”
“I like it,” I whispered. “I like…”
“Say it,” said Scott. “Say you like being sucked off by me.”
“I like being sucked off,” I said but my voice shook and for a second I felt like crying which was weird because it was obvious I liked it, but saying it out loud, I felt like I was announcing I was gay or something.
“I knew you did,” said Scott but he didn’t start up again, instead he tossed my boxers and jeans over to me and I knew he meant for me to get dressed again. I wondered if that was why he’d pulled me out of school. Just to prove that Raoul had it wrong. That was a distinct possibly.
I started to pull my boxers on, I felt ashamed and sort of slutty for wanting him so much. Scott was ignoring me now, he’d turned his attention to rummaging through the overturned book case. I decided to start picking up the mess around his apartment again. When I looked back at Scott it was clear he wasn’t tidying, he was specifically looking for something that had been on the book case, because now he was putting down a couple of lines of white powder on the back of a book. I looked away while he snorted it. Then abruptly he stalked into the bathroom slamming the door.
I carried on tidying because by now I wasn’t sure what was coming next. That had been the last of his stash. I replaced the book case and the empty box his drugs had been in. When he came out again I’d finished tidying and was sweeping up the last of the broken glass from the living room. Scott bounced out in a hyper coked up mood. He kind of grabbed me in a wrestling hold and I shook him off angrily. I was mad at him. I didn’t know what he was doing. Probably just screwing around with me out of some perverse amusement.
“There’s broken glass, leave me alone,” I snapped and took the trashpan through to the kitchen to empty it. When I came back out, Scott had retrieved his beer can and smiled at me looking a little sheepish. He held out my untouched beer can.
