The Fighter

Gym Class Heroes

(feat. Ryan Tedder)

* "Just waking up in the morning

And to be well,

Quite honest with ya,

I ain't really sleep well

Ya ever feel like your train of thought's been derailed?

That's when you press on - Lee nails

Half the population's just waitin to see me fail

Yeah right, you're better off trying to freeze hell

Some of us do it for the females

And others do it for the retail"*

Westley Elwes rubbed his eyes and debated getting out of bed. He'd had another night of restless sleep, first having trouble falling asleep, and then having trouble staying asleep. He'd once read that having trouble falling asleep was due to anxiety, and trouble staying asleep was due to depression. So, great he had both then... He dragged himself out of bed and into the shower. A quick shampoo, soap up and rinse and he hopped out. Another day of school, another 3 months until he graduated, and then he could drag his depression to another state. He sighed, pulled on a pair of scrubs, grabbed his backpack and ran out the door to get to class.

It was hard to believe only a few months ago he'd been feeling better about his life in general, had a good start on a career he'd waited for all his life, had a great friend he lived with, and he could feel the fog of his depression lifting. Westley had known that he was gay from an early age. His parents weren't religious, just obvious racists and homophobes, even being raised in a more northern state. He was terrified of coming out to his parents, and really, he'd never been much of a talker anyway, so he just avoided it. As a veterinarian after graduation he wasn't sure if he could be 'out' anyway, depending on where he got a job, so he figured it was just best to hide it and deny it. But the worst thing happened. His best friend found out, and now he had a permanent reminder he was gay. It was then Westley had decided he needed to keep quiet unless he was going to live with another person, then it was probably best to get it out in the open.

He arrived home too tired to care about food, so he just went to bed, took his clothes off and fell into a restless sleep. It felt like he'd just closed his eyes when his phone rang.

"Hello?" He said drowsily.

"Westley? Did I wake you up? It's only 8pm" His mom said.

"Long day..."

"Okay, well, sweetheart Daddy's in the hospital again, we still haven't figured out what's going on. He's scheduled to see a specialist tomorrow. Did you want to come down? Will you have time?"

Westley pulled out his Friday schedule to look it over. He had a lab early in the morning, but after that he was free.

"What time is Dad's appointment? I have a lab until 9am."

"Oh good, it's actually not until 1pm. We can do lunch tomorrow if you're able to get here before that. I'll let you go back to sleep, call me if you have any questions or problems, okay?"

"Okay Mom." Westley hung up the phone and rolled back over. Now he probably wasn't going to get any sleep. His dad had been ill for quite some time, on and off. Usually it started with back pain, seemingly innocent enough. It had progressed now to the last time he saw his dad, it was obvious he'd lost weight, complained of feeling cold all the time, and was tired and napping a lot. His general practitioner had run some bloodwork, but it was normal other then slightly increased blood glucose. Of course his mom didn't explain a lot of things well either, so Westley was unsure how much she couldn't remember or wasn't telling him. He packed an overnight bag and threw it next to the door to grab in the morning.

Westley was startled awake by Ryan, his best friend and roommate shaking him awake.

"What the fuck dude..." Westley muttered sitting up.

"You gay?"

"What?"

"I heard a rumor that you're queer, is that right?"

"Yeah dude, is that a problem?"

"You lied to me this whole time?! You been queering on me?" Ryan yelled.

"No dude. I don't even... I haven't even told anybody because I don't want to be this way."

"Really? Is that why Brad said he saw you checking me out?"

"Dude, I don't check anybody out, I keep to myself you know that."

"I don't. I really don't, and I don't care either. I think you're a lying piece of shit that needs to be reminded he's an abomination." Ryan slammed his head back into the headboard of the bed. Westley threw his hands up to protect his head, but Ryan pulled him down off the bed and started to kick him mercilessly. Since Westley was a smaller guy at 5'5, he didn't have much to defend himself against Ryan who was a 6' tall football player. Sure Westley worked out, but he'd never survive this brutal attach. As that dawned on him, he realized maybe it was for the best. He'd never be able to be himself, and he'd never be anything but an abomination like Ryan said. He stopped trying to fight Ryan. He gave up on life.

"Get up you queer and fight me! Fight me goddamn it, otherwise I think you like it rough!!" Ryan yelled. Westley shook his head.

"Fucker..." Ryan picked him up and threw him onto the bed. Westley wanted to die, but he didn't want to hurt anymore, and curling up on his left side alleviated the pain a bit. Ryan grabbed a letter opener from his desk.

"I'm going to make sure everyone knows you're an abomination so you can never hope to live a normal life..." Ryan touched the blunt blade to his tender thigh. The alarm blaring shocked Westley out of his flashback nightmare. He dragged himself out of bed, showered, shaved and got ready for his class. It seemed the lab on radiograph technique seemed to drag on and on. Finally they were released and he started the 2 hour drive across Ohio to get to the internal medicine specialist close to Cleveland.

Westley held his mom as she cried. The doctor had come out of the room to tell them the results of the preliminary tests they'd run on his dad. It wasn't good news.

"Basically, we suspect that it's some form of pancreatic cancer. We'll need to verify it with biopsy and CT scan. But considering the factors, his age, his race, symptoms and the bloodwork results today, we're leaning toward this diagnosis. If this is what it is, we'll need to get him treatment as soon as possible. I know this is a shock, but we do have a cancer specialist in our network I'd like to refer you to. Do you want a few moments to think this over before we go tell your husband?"

"Please. I should compose myself as much as possible before we go in there."

Westley was in shock. He didn't know much about pancreatic cancer, but from what he'd read about Patrick Swayze he knew the prognosis wasn't good.

"Do you want to come in with me?" His mom asked.

"I..." Westley was speechless.

"Here, sweetheart, go get a soda. I'll be with him for the doctors to tell him, you can pop in after a bit. I know this is hard. We have to be strong for him."

Westley nodded. He waited a few minutes then went into the room. He watched with almost disinterest as his parents wept together. The doctor had told them the diagnosis, but his dad had asked more questions then he and his mom had. And with each question, it got worse and worse. Westley wasn't sure he was comprehending it much, but knew now that of all the cancers his dad could have, this might be the worse. Basically, his dad was looking at a 6-10 month life expectancy if the cancer had spread, otherwise, best case scenario with extensive treatment, 5 years. Westley was overwhelmed.

The week seemed to drag on and on. His mom called him with updates regularly, but Westley couldn't seem to focus on anything, not even his classes. He could tell that he wasn't taking care of himself either, he really couldn't remember eating anything within the last day or so, and nothing really substantial since his dad's diagnosis. Westley's phone rang late Thursday, a classmate letting him know the lab class on Friday was cancelled due to a family emergency on the instructors side. Westley knew he should go visit his dad, but he couldn't handle it right now. And he didn't really have friends around here to hang out with. At that thought he realized he could call Michael, the drive to Madison would take about 9 hours he figured, but hell, it might be worth it if Michael would be willing to see him. He called Michael, but didn't explain what was going on. He wasn't a talker, but he needed to be around somebody, otherwise he wasn't sure what he'd do. Michael was more than happy to have Westley visit, but told him his boyfriend Daniel was going to be there. Westley wasn't thrilled about that, but he just wanted to not be alone, so he guessed he'd tolerate meeting the boyfriend. Which Michael calling Daniel his boyfriend was new too and almost made Westley more depressed. Still, he couldn't be alone.

Westley made the drive to Madison in record time and pulled up to Michael's apartment around 630pm. He walked up to the door and buzzed the number Michael told him to.

"Hello?" A fuzzy voice came over the intercom.

"Hey, Michael? It's Westley."

"Hey Wes, I'll be down to let you in."

Westley waited patiently, and in 30 seconds the door swung open, almost hitting him.

"Come on in. Daniel should be here shortly."

Westley followed him up the stairs and into the small apartment. It was nicer then a dorm room that was for sure.

"Make yourself comfortable." Michael said. Just as Westley sat down on the couch, the door buzzed again.

"Oh, that's Daniel. Wait here."

Westley looked at his fingernails, then picked at a piece of loose rubber on his shoe waiting for the two to come upstairs.

Daniel walked in and eyed him up. Westley did the same, and realized Michael would never want to pick a tiny guy like him over a lean, muscular cute guy like Daniel. Westley sighed internally. The only hope he had was if Daniel screwed up, or made Michael wait too long to have a relationship. He stood up and went over to shake Daniel's hand.

"Nice to finally meet you." Daniel said to him politely.

"Pleasure's all mine." Westley said, almost too sweetly.

The men all discussed food, and it was decided to order Chinese. Daniel went into the kitchen to get them all beers, but returned with only two. Westley was confused at first, but Daniel explained Michael only had two in the fridge. Michael volunteered to run to the closest gas station to pick up more while they waited for food. Westley was stuck alone with Daniel. He admitted to himself he didn't hate Daniel, he just was jealous. And not really jealous of Daniel per se, but of the seemingly easy relationship he had with Michael. Westley thought that most of that was due to how laid back Michael was, and again had the thought that if Daniel screwed up, he'd be first in line to pick up the pieces. Forget the issues with coming out and all, he would want the man in his life. After some stilted conversation, Daniel pushed for Westley to say what he was thinking. Westley confessed his thoughts,

"You screw up, I'll be right there to pick up the pieces."

Daniel had agreed, but made it clear he wanted Michael in his life enough to fight for him.

The rest of the evening had gone well, and after watching a movie, Westley was ready for bed. He took over the spare bed, and listened to Daniel wake up Michael enough to get him to bed, where they started to snore together. Westley felt some tears escape before he could squash them back down. He needed a Michael of his own. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to make it through his father's death. As much as they didn't see eye to eye, he loved his dad, and he wasn't strong enough to let him go yet.