Being born with a disability certainly has its drawbacks, but not everything was doom and gloom for me. I was born with spina bifida, a condition where the spinal cord doesn't develop quite right, and a gap or hole develops while in the womb. When I was born, I was disabled, and now, in my thirties, I'm just as disabled as the day I took my first breath.
I walk with a noticeable limp, walk with leg braces, I have sensation issues from the waist down, and I have some pretty gnarly, deformed toes. On both feet, the same thing happened. My middle toe and pinky toe tuck slightly under the ring finger equivalent toe. So, my toes are twisted and kind of fixed in that position. With little nerve or muscle control, they stay like that all the time.
With a great deal of effort, I can occasionally get my big toe to move a tiny little bit, but it's barely perceptible. My right foot feels almost nothing. The top of the foot, the toes, the soles and arches are all dead space. I could literally walk on an upright nail and not know there was a problem. Only near my ankle, on the inside part of it, do I have any feeling on my right foot. My right leg and foot also tend to twist outward more when I walk than the left.
The left foot, for some reason, does a little better. I can feel some sensations in certain parts. If one were to run their fingernails over the sole of my left foot, I can feel a dull sensation. Picture...you've fallen asleep on your arm and it's gone numb. Try scratching it and you feel something, but it's not as clear and defined as it should be, that's how I feel it in my sole. Same thing with my left big toe and the first two toes after it. The fourth and fifth toes have again, little to no feeling, and there's almost no feeling on the top of my left foot.
My feet are very floppy. When I walk barefoot, which I shouldn't do too much or too often, I sometimes trip over my own floppy, soft feet. My feet are small for my size as an adult male; I wear a size 8 shoe, but that accommodates my leg braces, so my feet are smaller than that, and the toes are short, stubby and bubbly.
Aside from the deformities, surgical scars from operations to correct club foot are still present. They...add to the charm. Most people would consider my feet...unattractive at best, and pretty damned ugly at worst. But there are a few people out there called devotees who are different.
Devotees are people who instead of being repulsed or indifferent to disabled bodies actually desire them and prefer them to able-bodied figures. Lexi was one of those devotees, and I happened to hit things off with her in a disabled-devotee online forum. She was cute. Scratch that; she was hot. With short, black, pixie hair, a smile which could light up a room, cute freckles on her cheeks, and mischievous, crystal blue eyes, the twenty-nine year old was a 10/10 in my book.
Things started off pretty casual when we met on the forum. She messaged me first, because I mentioned I had spina bifida and walked with a limp. That was her devotee attraction. Some devotees prefer a guy in a wheelchair, others prefer a blind or deaf person, others desire an amputee, or a person with crutches, but Lexi had a thing for spina bifida guys who limped along in their leg braces.
We chatted for weeks, sometimes hours at a time. Eventually, we trusted each other enough to start communicating outside the forum. First, through email, then through instant messaging. Phone calls and eventually video calls followed the progression of things. We found out a lot about each other. I found out she had a definite thing for disabled feet, especially deformities, and she found out I had a thing for girls who played with my feet. A match made in devotee heaven!
When I first sent her pics of my feet, I apologized. I told her "yeah, these aren't the prettiest things in the world. In fact, they're kind of ugly, but...you did ask for them."
She responded "are you crazy? These are the hottest pics I've ever seen! OMG! I'm in love with your feet!"
I couldn't believe what she was telling me. A drop-dead gorgeous girl was telling me, a lonely, gimpy guy, she was in love with my feet. Kind of hard to process that bombshell. Of course, I was only too happy to indulge her fantasies. I sent her dozens of pictures, even videos of me teasing my feet, sliding my long socks off, taking my foot out of my braces. She loved every second of it, and she felt compelled to send me pics of her own body. Let me tell you this, even though she'd disagree, I still think I got the better end of the bargain!
She wasn't just into my feet, though. She wanted to see the rest of me, but I was reluctant. "Come on, you know I love your body the way it is," she begged. She had already bared all, and I did feel guilty having that advantage over her.
"I don't know, I mean...look at you. You're jaw-dropping beautiful, and I've got a body that makes Quasimodo look like a Greek god."
"Shut up," she told me over the phone. "You know I would worship your body as if you were a Greek god!"
"Alright, but I've got a bit of a confession to make," I said, my voice cracking with embarrassment.
"Sweetie, what is it?"
"Okay, see the thing is with spina bifida, it doesn't just affect the way I walk or the way my feet look or how they feel things."
"Okay," she prodded me on.
"See," I took a deep breath, "the spina bifida also left me with some...um...incontinence issues."
There was a brief pause, but the pause might have lasted an eternity for me. Finally she said "and? What's the confession?"
"Well, I mean...I wear diapers because of it."
"Oh," she laughed warmly. "That's what you're worried about?"
"Uh, yeah. I mean, I was teased for it my whole life. I know you're a devotee, but I wouldn't expect you to want to be with someone who messes a diaper."
"Honey...I've known about incontinence in spina bifida for years. Literal years. I suspected as much, but I didn't want to press you. I figured maybe you use a catheter, maybe diapers, but you would tell me in your own time."
"So, you're not put off by it?" I asked.
"Put off by it? Sweetie, when you're here, I'll fucking put on your diaper after we make love."
"Oh, okay," I said, and then her words sunk in. "Wait...what do you mean...when I'm there...and make...love?"
She giggled sweetly once again. "Danny, check your email."
"Okay," I said hesitantly. I opened my email and saw a new message from Lexi. When I opened it, there was a voucher for a plane ticket to her town.
"No, I couldn't...I couldn't accept that!" I said nervously.
"Too bad, it's already bought and paid for. Seeing pics and vids you send me are all fine and good, but my hands, my tongue, my body has to explore yours. Don't worry, it's an open ticket, you pick the date, and it's good to go. Perks of working in accounting for the airline. I only paid for the taxes. Now it's up to you to get your gorgeous, gimpy ass on that plane and let me ravish you like the sexy hunk of handicapped hotness you are. Geez that sounded corny."
"Yeah, it did," I laughed. "Uh...well...I could get over there the second week of next month. I mean...should I plan for just a weekend or..."
"A week, if you can spare it! I've got lots of paid time off earned."
"Wow," I said, still not quite believing my luck.
"Wow is right, mister. Remember all those ideas I had, testing and torturing those tootsies of yours?" she asked deviously.
"Yeah," I replied hesitantly.
"I want to do all that and so much more."
"Wow," I said again.
