Disabled Daniel A Devotees Dream

(This is a work of fiction; all characters are consenting adults well over 18.)

Ladies, close your eyes and think of a stud; the most handsome man you've ever met. Your dream guy. The one who sends shivers down your spine. Well, I hate to confirm the old cliché that fairy tales come true, but for me, it certainly did. My guy isn't tall, nor is he particularly fit, but he's everything I could ever want, and because he isn't what most girls want in a guy, that means he's all mine.

My ideal guy isn't conventional looking by any stretch of the imagination. Daniel was born with a disability called spina-bifida, where part of his spine deformed as he developed in the wound. He needed many surgeries on the day he was born to close his spine and, well, save his life. There's a nasty scar just above his cute, flabby butt cheeks that some might be squeamish at seeing, but I can't get enough of him. I could stare at it all day, kiss it, caress it, lick it, and he loves it when I do.

His legs start out thick at the thighs, but get almost comically skinny below his knees where his muscles atrophied. Those skinny calves and shins in contrast with his thick, muscular but soft thighs is a dream come true for me. Then those feet. Mm. I often dream about them even though we share the same bed.

Tiny, with even tinier toes which seem to overlap each other between the middle, ring and pinky toes on either foot makes for a sight to behold. Lifeless, still, cool to the touch from poor circulation; there's nothing I like doing more than taking off his specially molded leg braces made of durable plastic, foam padding, and a Velcro strap and buckle at the top, sliding off his overly-long tube socks, and playing with those cute little things.

When he walks with his peculiar, unique, beautiful tilting limp, his soft, flabby feet slap the ground like the webbed feet of a duck. He lets me play with them all the time. He lets me; ha! He loves it as much as I do, maybe even more! Even though he has no feeling in his right foot and just a bit in left sole and the tips of his toes, I can see him watching me intently as I massage them, wiggle them with my fingers, lick and suck them. He's even let me get really kinky, allowing me to blindfold him and test what he can and can't feel with a multitude of toys.

All these things would make for a difficult life for anyone, but Daniel also has to deal with one thing which has vexed him his entire life. The spina bifida caused him to become permanently incontinent. He's worn diapers all his life and endured endless teasing and taunting during as a child, while having potential love interests reject him into adulthood. He never figured there would be a woman out there who could see past his disabilities, past his incontinence and love him for who he was as a person, but he hadn't counted on a person like me coming into his life.

See, the thing is, I'm somewhat like Daniel in that I'm different from everyone else. No, I don't have a physical disability like he does; rather, my uniqueness comes from my...attraction to physical disabilities. I'm...a devotee. Daniel always laughed at the word, thinking it sounded cultish and a bit over the top, but when he saw just how...well...devoted I was to him, I think he's warmed up a bit to the term.

Like Daniel, I was born different. Not in the way I walk, or any deformities, incontinence, nor sensation issues. I knew I was different from the start. Being drawn to disabled characters on TV, having an almost obsessive interest in disabilities and researching them on my own time, I tried to convince myself it was my caring nature, that I wanted to be a nurse or a doctor to help people with disabilities, but I couldn't hide the fact that late at night, I would fantasize about the kind of body my boyfriend possesses.

I'd doodle sketches of men on crutches, in casts, wheelchairs, or in braces. I'd cum to fantasies I thought were depraved and cruel, because how could I enjoy someone's misery? How could I take delight in a body which those who had one would trade almost anything to cure? I must not be right in the head to like someone who suffered from disabilities. Then, I found them.

There were others like me. Devotees. What a name. My head was swimming. I thought my desires, my fantasies were unique and there was something wrong with me. I had no idea there were others like me. I was even more shocked to find out...there were some guys with disability who sought those devotees out. They didn't see us as freaks or abominations any more than we saw their perfectly imperfect bodies as anything less than beautiful.

Reading more about devotees, I became alarmed by the behaviors of some who shared the title. Most of the guilty parties were guys bothering disabled women, but let me tell you, some of the stories I heard were disturbing at best. I read accounts of females with disabilities having stalkers, gawkers, even seeing their own photographs being shared around for others to get off on. I was sickened and appalled by such behavior, not only as a woman, but as a human.

I buried my identity. I thought if devotees were like this, I could never be one. I tried to convince myself I was anything but a devotee. I dated able-bodied men in the hopes I'd convince myself I wasn't like them. I'd try my absolute best forcing myself to enjoy their company, and I met some real sweethearts, but...there was always something...missing. I was living a lie, I was feeling incomplete, and I fell into a deep, dark funk.

After months and months of convincing myself, I wasn't a devotee, I had it one night. I relented and hopped online. I went to every major porn site I could find and looked up keywords related to disability. I watched dozens of videos of guys in wheelchairs getting pleasured, pleasuring themselves, and I even just watched regular videos of disabled guys doing random, daily activities like cooking, getting in and out of their wheelchairs, playing sports, or attending physical therapy.

I came. I came and I came. Not so much from the smutty vids; rather, from the day-to-day lifestyle videos. Imagining myself helping one of those guys cook, putting on their socks for them, helping them into bed; those things made me flick my bean a lot harder than the cheesy, fake porn which should have gotten me off. After my sixth orgasm, I curled up in a ball and wept.

I think I was at my rock-bottom low at that point, however, I noticed there was a link in the searches I hadn't clicked on yet. There was an online forum of women for disabled men. My cursor hovered over the link; I was horrified at what I might find. Having read those horror stories of guys stalking females with disabilities, I was expecting lady-devotees to be just as creepy. And why not? I felt totally creepy, ashamed, wrong. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I clicked on the link.

What I found changed my life forever. There were hundreds of posts with insightful questions, compassionate responses, interesting and thought-provoking topics, and the really intriguing part; disabled guys were allowed to participate and interact with the female devotees. The goal was to change the perception of devotees. They acknowledged there were some bad actors in the community, but anyone caught doing so would be permanently banned from the forum. It was meant to be a safe space for devotees and open-minded guys with disabilities to interact.

I was shocked. I cried. Several times. It was so beautiful to see that I wasn't alone; that I wasn't the only one burdened with guilt, shame, insecurities, and fear. Most of the disabled guys were also quite cordial and helpful, too. Though, I had to chuckle, because I could see the eagerness of some of these gentlemen to find a devotee of their own was a bit borderline comical. In fact, I'd have to say the number of disabled guys on their probably outnumbered the devotees by a percentage.

Admittedly, I was a lurker. I spent hours and hours each night going through the massive backlog of posts; the place had a rich and long history in the annals of the internet, so there was no dearth of topics for me to peruse. I absorbed it all, but...I have to admit, I was drawn to certain topics more than others.

I think the vast majority of the other female devotees on there were attracted to spinal cord injuries, such as from a vehicle accident or other misfortune, while another sizeable chunk of ladies preferred amputees. There were those who strayed toward vision and hearing impairments, but to me, the congenital conditions, like cerebral palsy and spina bifida always whetted my appetite the most.

It surprised me how open many of the disabled guys were about certain hardships they endured. They lamented about being teased and bullied, rejected by potential love interests, having to deal with chronic pain, bathroom issues, and they even confided in dealing with erectile dysfunction issues. This was way better than any porn. This was real. I found myself rubbing to some of the most innocuous and mundane topics, like adaptive controls for driving cars, or how certain things would trigger leg spasms. The funny thing was; I didn't feel guilty over it. Not as much as I had before.

There were some cute guys on there, too. I have to admit, a couple of them got my heart all fluttering, but to my dismay, they were either taken or gay (yes, gay devotees and disabled folks were welcome, too.) I hovered my cursor over the "create an account" link almost every time I visited the site, but fear prevented me from clicking.

One night, after a few sangrias and a bad romcom on Netflix, I was feeling a little loopy and a bit more adventurous than usual. As soon as I logged into the forum, I clicked that link and registered my username. I set my password and made a sloppy, rambling intro post.

In it, I explained my interest in disabled guys, my feelings of guilt and shame, and my nervousness for joining the site. I had my entire post written up. I was about to just exit out of the program and pretend the post never happened, but a little liquor courage caused me to say out loud "fuck it," and I hit post.

My head was swimming and I decided to go to bed. The next morning, with a class-three hangover, I logged on and to my horror, I realized it wasn't just a drunken fever dream. I really posted it. I refreshed the page and saw I had numerous notifications. Eight people liked my post, five were already following me, and I received several personal messages.

I went through all of them, and while most were cute and warm welcomes, a few messages were rather vulgar, and I'm no prude. Alas, none of the guys who messaged me sparked my interest, but I did receive some warm welcomes from other devotee women which encouraged me to stick around, to be active, and that I could chat with them for any reasons or concerns.

Replying to all but the creepy messages, I thanked the disabled guys who showed interest and tried to gently inform them they weren't exactly my type, and I gave my gratitude to the devotees who reached out to me. After a few weeks of interacting on the board, I started to feel a sense of ennui and hopelessness again. Amongst all the wonderful people in this forum, I didn't find anyone who seemed to spark my interests.

Sure, there were folks who had disabilities I found attractive, and I may have even had a fantasy or two pop in my mind based on a few of them, but none really intrigued me enough to send a message and strike up a real conversation. Then Daniel joined.

By now, I felt like a forum regular. I was participating in discussions, reading and rereading interesting posts, and learning more about devotees than I had ever thought possible. One particular Tuesday evening, I saw a new member had joined.

"About me," was the simple title of his post, and I casually clicked on it, as I had with any other new post on the site.

"Hi, I'm 29, was born with a disability called spina bifida. It affects the way I walk, with a listing, tilting limp as my right foot tends to roll outward. I have sensation issues from my waist down, including limited or no sensation at all in parts of my legs and feet. Speaking about my feet, they're soft, mostly lifeless, and my toes sort of overlap each other between my third, fourth, and fifth toes on both feet. All that is fine and good, but uh, I'm kind of embarrassed to mention this here, but I figure it's important to mention it at the get-go since I've had lots of potential relationships end when they found this out. I...I wear diapers due to incontinence from my disability; so, if that's going to be an issue, I figured I'd get it out in the open so we don't waste each other's time. Besides the disability stuff, I'm really quite the introvert. I'm happy to spend time in the woods and like to sketch birds, trees and the things I see in nature. I enjoy reading spy and espionage novels, I enjoy cooking (I can make some mean Thai drunken noodles) and am pretty big on synth-wave music. There's more to me, but those are some of the basics. I've been lurking here for a bit before deciding to post, and I know most of the devotees on here prefer guys in wheelchairs or amputees, but I guess this is me shooting my shot."

I don't know what it was about his post, but I couldn't stop reading it. I must have read it a dozen times over and over before I finally got up the courage to send him a private message.

Nice shot, I titled the message, referring to the closer of his post.

"Hi, my name is Jackie; I'm 27 and single. I couldn't help but be drawn to your post. Not every dev on this board is obsessed with wheelchairs or amputees. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for congenital conditions like spina bifida, and especially limps and leg braces. Mighty sexy. More than that, though, you seem like my kind of guy. Shy, maybe a bit...awkward, quiet and introspective, artistic and you have good taste in music. The fact you can cook scores major brownie points, too. Anyway, since you shot your shot, I figured I'd shoot mine; so, I hope you shoot me back a message!"

I clicked send. And then I waited.