THE POSTMAN'S PUNISHMENT
Now as you know, I'm not shy! I like to look sexy and I don't mind showing it. I do, however, draw the line at men thinking they can do as they like with me, or rather in this case, my property!
The dogs had been fed and walked, Hubby had long since gone to work and the washing was on the line. The sun shone, the wind blew and the day appeared set to be like every other day had been this week, sunny and windy. Summer had finally arrived at the farm was busy with new life, new crops growing and the sounds of nature waking up to enjoy the sunshine.
My washing line today, for those that are interested, consisted of a mix of clothes, jeans, an unhealthy amount of T-Shirts and socks and a number of my sexy bras and little skimpy knickers. I do love sexy, girlie underwear and never buy 'big knickers! Now when it comes to doing the laundry, I'm old school. I was brought up to not mix colours, and to dry on the line outside whenever the weather allows. My line, therefore, is often rather full.
As some of you know, we live quite remotely, not in the 'Outback' of Australia or 'Backwoods' of North America or Texas, kind of way, no, no, but for the U.K, we would be considered, off the beaten track. As we live like this, we have regular visitors each week and these visitors are often friendly welcoming sorts. We have Jimmy the Bin man and his young mate, who's name we have never been told. We see Walter the Shepherd almost daily and we have Davey the Postman. Davey or 'Old Davey', as he is known, he's actually only 60, but to the rest of his mates at the Post Office, he's old, is one such regular caller at the farm.
Davey is a small, slim and likeable character. He's a nice, smiley type of guy, with a good bit of cheery banter whenever I greet him. He's also a little flirty and often comments on the way I look. Not in a rude, crude or creepy way, just in a way that most men wouldn't, or would feel they shouldn't at least. He might be 'nice' but he drives like a maniac mind and you can hear his red van before you see it, as it slides and bounces down the long, rutted track to the farm. We also get ample warning as our dogs hate him. They hate him like the very devil himself and Davey is, to say the least, terrified of them. Now Davey might be 'old' but he has a certain glint in his eye, and you know what I'm like for a sparkle in the eyes. I'm a sucker for it. He's not sexy hot, no, really he isn't, but he's 'nice', does that make him sound a little bland? It's not meant to. Nice can be, well, nice, I guess and Davey is, to my mind, nice. Oh never mind......
So there I was, in the kitchen, separating yet another load of whites, coloureds and bedding. The first load was out on the line, the dogs were locked in the lounge, as it was nearly 11 o'clock and that's generally 'Davey time'. The radio is blasting 80's pop out and I'm in a good place, bopping and singing along to ABBA. A girl needs ABBA in her life, trust me, we just do! As I danced past the washer, in a beautiful 80's world of my own, I popped my hips to one side and banged the washer door shut, 'THUNK'. It's seen better days, haven't we all, and so needs a good banging! Hmm, I'll resist the next line.... you fill it in? Turning on my heels to give my imaginary audience the full routine, my rendering of Mama Mia is cut short by the barking of the dogs. I'm not the best singer, I admit, but I'm an enthusiastic one. They have heard the post van heading their way and are now issuing me with ample warning. Yup, it's Davey; there goes the gravel as he hauls up the van. 'BARP, BARP, BARP' Davey always honks, as he will never, ever get out of the safety of that van until he is sure the dogs are locked away and not able to eat him.
"Busy today?" he inquires, popping is head round the kitchen door, as I, taking a breath, sweep hair from my face, pull my tight T-Shirt down and present myself like a wild Cinderella on a tiled floor surrounded by laundry.
"Just a little," I laugh back as I hold out a hand to take the parcel he is now offering me.
"I'll just pop it on the table," he laughs, "You've got a bit of a handful there."
I must have looked bemused for a second, as my brow furrowed. Was he talking about my rather ample boobs? He cut through my thoughts with a well timed addition, pointing a finger at my outstretched had.
"You've got a bit of a handful," he repeated gesturing again.
"Oh fuck," I gasped, bursting out laughing, finally following his gaze and finger.
There hanging from my right hand was a black, wet-look bra, complete with chrome spikes that had somehow got into the daily laundry.
"Oh fuck, sorry Davey, oh Jeez," I blurted out.
My shock and embarrassment was cut short as he popped the parcel on the table and added.
"For a moment, I thought my luck had changed."
He laughed, with a cheeky wink, before backing out of the kitchen door, closing it with a 'CLUNK'.
I stood in silence, a broad bemused smile on my face, words stuck in my open mouth. 'Cheeky git,' I thought, as still smiling I threw the bra onto the kitchen table and kicked a mighty pile of 'whites' away from the washer door. 'Cheeky little bugger' I thought loudly in my head, still smiling from the comic moment we had just shared.
Cheeky I thought and cheeky it turned out he was. Now I have often, well to be honest, occasionally thought, why does it take Davey so long to set off from the house in his van? I usually wait, poised at the door, ready to let the dogs back out. Sometimes it feels like ages, sometimes it actually is ages and when I pop my head out to make sure he has finally gone, he is often not in his van at all. Today was no exception.
There I stood, hand on the door handle, dogs pacing around the kitchen inpatient to be out in the paddock and his van was still parked up. I peered through a gap in the door, nope; he was not in his van. He must be in the back sorting parcels, I guessed. I guessed wrong. Davey suddenly appeared into view. He appeared alright, but he appeared from the right........the right? What had he been doing there? I popped the door open and shouted out to him over the sound of impatient dogs and his rattling old motor.
"What you up to eh?" There was more than a hint of laughter in my questioning voice, as I didn't really think he was up to no good, but his reaction and stumble gave me more cause for concern than I had bargained for.
He jumped like a startled boy caught looking at top-shelf magazines in the local store. Not only did he jump, but he dropped what he had in his hand and from where I was stood what he dropped looked very much like a pair of my black see-through knickers. Surely not, I mean, why would he have them.....but he had and they were mine!
There on the gravel they lay, and as he looked down at them and then up and into my eyes, a thought hit me. I have lost a number of clothing items over the past few months. I had put it down to the strong, often gusting wind that rattles our farm. Now I was seeing the real culprit and it was red-faced visibly shaking and Davey shaped.