Crimson Night Ch 04

Chapter 4 - The chain

Paige drives in silence for over an hour. Only once she's left the city does she start to try figuring out what to do next. Briefly she considers going back home, to her parents. Maybe as a last resort. She's not looking to move back in long term. They'd also ask her questions she really didn't' want to answer. Answers she didn't even have herself mostly.

A hotel maybe. Leave town for the weekend, possibly take a few days of leave from work. She needed to get her shit together fast. Start looking for a new place to rent as soon as possible. She's a big girl, she doesn't have time to feel sorry for herself.

Not for the first time Paige wishes she had friends. Someone she could stay with, could talk to. It felt so good when she was finally able to open up to NightSiren. To let out all the emotions she was feeling. Asking her questions, and getting guidance. But that's over now right? If Sarah is a monster Liz must be too.

But Paige can't think of anything wrong Liz ever did to her. Sure she wasn't upfront about who she was. Maybe they were introduced in a dishonest way. The more Paige things about it the more she needs to know the truth. To hear it from Liz. She quickly taps on her cars screen, starting a call. It rings, and rings, and rings. When the voice-mail finally picks up Paige quickly ends the call.

It's late, Liz's probably asleep. Paige tells herself its OK, she can phone her another time. But she's already trying again. If it goes to voice-mail this time, thats it. Voice-mail again. She tries a third time, despite saying she wouldn't. She can feel the desperation rising inside herself. If Liz does answer, Paige tells herself she's just going to talk. She wont ask to stay. Won't run into the arms of another woman she doesn't know. Paige can feel the hot tears streaking down her face as she drives aimlessly down the highway.

"....Hello?" Liz answers the phone. Her voice weak, groggy. Clearly she had been sound asleep. Paige takes a deep breath trying to calm herself. She tries talking a few times, but all that comes out are choked sobs.

"Can I come stay with you?" Paige finally blurts out. She feels ashamed immediately. She just told herself she wouldn't do this exact thing. She couldn't keep her word for even a few minutes.

"Paige? What happened?" Liz asks. She sounds wide awake now. Her voice cold and serious. Seemingly more surprised by the timing than that the call happened at all. Paige quickly explains everything about what happened tonight. Finally when she gets to the end she asks the question she's been sitting on the entire phone call.

"Did you know? Were you part of all of this?" Paige asks. Hoping somehow Liz didn't have anything to do with this.

"Yeah, I knew," Liz says with a heavy sigh. "I know it doesn't count for much, but you have my word I did what I did for you. Not for Sarah."

Liz pauses considering her words carefully. Trying to find exactly what she needs to say.

"I guess that's not entirely true is it? If I was really trying to do what was best for you, I'd have told you to get away from her," Liz says. Paige can hear the heavy sadness in her voice. A guilt she's carried for who knows how long. "I'm just as broken as Sarah is in some ways."

Liz texts Paige her address. She lives pretty far, near Carmel-by-the-Sea. Not a trip she can make tonight. They make plans for Paige to get there tomorrow afternoon sometime. Paige will drive for a bit more tonight, then stop somewhere for the night. They finalize all the details, and say their goodbyes. However neither woman hangs up.

"Did she sing for you?" Liz asks after a small silence.

"It was beautiful," Paige answers honestly.

"Good. See you soon Paige," Liz says as she hangs up the phone. Leaving Paige to continue to driving and sort out her feelings.

Paige feels numb now. The first person she's ever loved like that, and everything about it was a lie. A setup. The whole thing planned in advance some some rich cunt who thinks of people as playthings. Paige feels like a fool for thinking Sarah thought she was special. She probably wasn't even interesting. Just another conquest to be tossed aside once Sarah got bored.

But something there had to be real didn't it? There were some moments that felt so genuine. The steam room, the road trip, her performance with Liz. In some fucked up way the part that hurts the most is the idea that she wasn't worthy of Sarah's love. Despite all of the emotion of the night, part of still wants to love Sarah. To be loved by her. It was her first real romance. She wanted to be loved so bad she turned a blind eye to so much.

Even now some things seem like they should have been obvious. Sarah was clearly an alcoholic for one. Paige knew it from that first night she realizes. On some level her brain had been screaming it at her. There was the obvious amount she had watched her drink. But the real red flags were all the other signs. The heavy handed pours. The preference for high proof drinks. The bottle hidden in the bathroom closet. It made sense now, seemed like it could be seen from space. Paige let herself get so wrapped up in Sarah she ignored it.

Paige stays in a cheap motel off the interstate. The night goes by in a blur. She remembers checking in. Laying down on the terrible mattress. Then she's eating a bland breakfast and checking out. All she remembers about the night is missing the feeling of Sarah next to her.

By the time Paige reaches Liz's house in the early afternoon she's barely holding herself together emotionally. She nearly cries trying to remember Liz's last name when she's stopped by the security at the entrance to the gated community. When she pulls into the driveway she has to sit in the car for a bit. Just calming down, taking it all in. Any other day she'd be in awe of the gorgeous home in front of her. But today the dark stone slabs that make up the path feel like they may as well be the mountain they were cut from.

Paige can see Liz waiting patiently for her on the steps, a concerned look on her face. Eventually she gets together the strength she needs to get out of her car and walk to meet her. Liz leads her inside without a word, offering her a spot on a sofa in the living room. Paige collapses into it, entirely spent.

When Paige tries to speak, she just begins to sob. Liz sits next to her, holding her tenderly. When she finally catches her breath Liz gives her a quick kiss on her forehead and wipes her tears.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to just lose control like that," Paige says, sniffling softly. "Just tell me, truthfully, were you in on all this?"

"A bit," Liz admits. "I had some fun sure, but it wasn't the main reason I got in contact. I think it was guilt that started it. I'd give money to the girls Sarah brought in, like a safety net. I couldn't stop her, but I could make sure her victims had a way out. A place to go."

Liz grabs a small cloth covered box with heavy zippers from a shelf and sits down across the low table from Paige. She begins to open it up, and set the contents on the table. As soon as the zippers are undone the smell hits Paige. At first she's nervous as she watches Liz pull out the jar of weed, but gradually she starts to feel anticipation. It feels like just what she needs.

"I'm sorry. I know it doesn't fix it, doesn't undo any of it," Liz says. Her tone remorseful. She takes some of the weed from the jar and puts it into a grinder.

"I've known Sarah forever. Since we were really young. We were best friends. Loved each other before we had any idea that women could even be together like that," Liz says. Her fingers delicately working the grinder and assembling a perfect joint. She lights it, takes a long slow puff, and hands it to Paige. "Sarah has this... this darkness to her. A cruelty. Maybe it was always there in some form. But I didn't notice it until high-school."

Paige accepts the joint, taking a small puff and coughing. Her inexperience obvious. She tries it again, passing it back to Liz after.

"The summer of 10th grade I think. She went on a trip with her family. I don't know what happened to her on that trip, she wouldn't ever talk about it. She was never the same. She came back angry, on edge all the time," Liz explains. She takes a long smooth drag off the joint and hands it back to Paige. "I was a kid too. Instead of protecting her, instead of helping her, I encouraged her. I thought it was fun to act out. To watch her hurt people."

"You can't blame yourself for what she did," Paige says. She hands the joint back, coughing until Liz hands her a bottle of water. Paige watches the smoke drift around the room as she drinks. The way it drifts and swirls as it hits the light is almost hypnotic.

"I should have stopped it. I was older. Especially as the band got big I should have protected her more. Sheltered her from some of the shit that came with that kind of fame. I should have been the responsible one. Been there for her, and for Gwen," Liz continues. She takes one last long drag on the joint before dropping the end back into the box. "I liked that vicious side of Sarah. Intentionally brought it out. Helped hone it into something much worse. It was so much worse when she drank, and I bought it for her. I made a fucking monster Paige."

Paige can feel a tightness in her chest, a spreading warmth as the THC starts to enter her system. She sips her water as Liz continues her story.

"That night with Gwen... Fuck. That was when I knew how badly I'd fucked up," Liz continues. She puts her supplies back into the box and returns it to the shelf. "Gwen was young when she joined. Real young. Only 17 when she replaced the drummer before her. She earned it fairly too."

"Gwen and Sarah were immediately drawn to each other. Two sides of the same coin in a lot of ways. Like Sarah, there was something broken in Gwen. Sarah liked to inflict pain, Gwen liked to receive it. She doesn't feel pain the way you or I do. It's almost orgasmic for her. The marks on her arms and back, even when she joined us. Jesus Christ Paige," Liz says. She starts to choke on her emotions and has to take a moment to collect herself.

"I don't know if I was blind to it intentionally, or if I Just never saw it," Liz says. She puts her head in her hands as she continues. "Within a few years they went from close friends to something more. I didn't mind that they had sex, even when we were engaged it was fine. We were rockstars. It would have been weird if we weren't having wild nights with other people. I even joined in sometimes, but they were always.... Too intense for me."

"Their rough play turned into rough sex, which turned into something even darker. There's BDSM, and then theres... whatever the fuck it was they did. I knew it was an accident waiting to happen, but it always seemed fine. As long as this is the limit, its fine I kept telling myself. But things escalate. They ALWAYS fucking escalate. Its the way the world works. That's when it happened," Liz says, her voice ragged.

"When what happened?" Paige asks when Liz doesn't continue. Her high is setting in harder now, and she's not entirely sure how long a pause there was. It felt like it went on forever.

"She went too far. They'd always been rough in bed, but one night she just lost it. She hurt Gwen so badly she put her in the fucking hospital," Liz explains.

"On purpose?" Paige asks nervously.

"I don't know. They both said it was an accident. But I don't think it was, not entirely. But all of that I could have looked past if it wasn't for Gwen," Liz says. She pauses, opening her own bottle of water and downing most of it.

"What did she do?" Paige asks, eager to hear the rest.

"Nothing. She didn't do anything wrong, she never did. That was the problem. She got out of the hospital and went right back in Sarah's arms like nothing had happened. She didn't have to decide to forgive Sarah or anything, because in her mind there wasn't anything to forgive. Sarah hadn't done anything wrong, and couldn't do anything wrong. Gwen was like a puppy just so in love and trusting, and Sarah betrayed that. She never apologized, never took any responsibility for any of it. I couldn't take it. I gave her back the engagement ring, and walked away from it all," Liz explains. Paige pictures the ring Sarah wears on the chain around her neck. How she would hold it when she was upset.

Liz gets up and leaves the room for a moment. Returning with a dark plastic case. She puts it on the table in front of Paige.

"If you decide to go back to her, this is yours if you want it," Liz says. She opens the case to reveal a gun. It looks very real, very standard and utilitarian. One of the bullets in the case has Sarah's name roughly carved into it. Seeing Paige read the name she blushes and adds, "I was a bit... dramatic back then."

"Why would I go back to her?" Paige asks. Confused why Liz would think she ever would. After what she's just heard. Now it's Liz's turn to try to keep from breaking down into full sobs.

"She sang for you," Liz says finally. "I know it sounds dumb, but in all the years I've known her, she's never been willing to sing for anyone. That was her one musical hangup. We were engaged, and she wouldn't sing for me. I heard her a few times, when she didn't know I was home. Or when she thought I was asleep. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. If she sang for you... Then maybe she loves you in a way she never loved me. Despite all the fucked up things she did, part me of loved her. Will always love her. I can't forgive her, but I want her to be happy. I think she could be happy with you. You bring out a softer side of her I never did. A tender counterpoint to her cruelty."

Liz has to take a few more sips of her water before continuing.

"She also told you about the other tenants. She's never done that before. All the others she either scared off, or they finished their degree and moved on. Maybe she feels guilt or something," Liz explains. Her voice cracks as she struggles to hold back a sob. "What song did she sing?"

"Ashes of yesterday," Paige says. It was one Sarah and Liz had played together earlier that night.

"Was it better than when I sang it?" Liz asks sadly. When Paige doesn't answer right away Liz nods, already knowing the answer. "I wish I could have heard it... I wish... I wish I could have held her again. I think thats why I've had so many partners since then. Why I've never been in another band. She was my fucking Sun. My everything. She shined so bright for me, that the world just seems dull without her."

"Like a photo thats been left in the sun," Paige says. Knowing exactly what Liz means.

"I wanted to go back to her. But I couldn't. Not after what she did. But I couldn't let her go. Even all these years later, I still get the lipstick that matches that god damn hair of hers," Liz says. Her voice is shaking. She tries to collect herself, calm her turbulent emotions. But she can't hold it in any longer. The dam breaks, letting 20 years of pent of pain flow free. She just sits there, letting the sobs take her.

Paige doesn't know what to do. She came here because she needed help, but in this moment Liz needs her. Liz is old enough to be her mother, and she's full on ugly crying. Paige hasn't had to be the adult in a situation like this before. In any situation before. But she sits down next to Liz, pulls her into hug. Paige holds the older woman until her sobs run their course. Gently stroking her back. Holding her tight.

Eventually the crying turns to sniffles. Then suddenly the sniffles turn to kisses. Their lips locked together as Liz straddles Paige. She gives tender kisses to Paige's neck, down along her collarbone. Clothes start to come off. Paige gently wipes Liz's face, and they begin to grind against each other.

"Can you do just one, small, thing for me?" Liz asks. Her voice shy, horse in the aftermath of her sobs. "Call me Elizabeth. Just for tonight."

Paige doesn't know what to say. Of all the things she thought Liz might ask, this wasn't at all something she expected.

"Everyone wants to fuck Lizzy Night. The rockstar. But Sarah... Sarah was the last one to ever make love to Elizabeth Knightley. The too tall, awkward girl who was just a little too into drama and band," Elizabeth says.

"Elizabeth. Of course. I can do that," Paige says tenderly. Moved by her words she resumes kissing her. Her hand beginning to explore Elizabeth's clean shaven pussy. Elizabeth gasps as Paige slides a finger inside. Focusing all her effort on Elizabeth, Paige hopes she can help ease the pain she's been carrying all these years. Even if just a bit. She lets Elizabeth furiously hump her fingers, until finally she reaches her climax. Elizabeth collapses onto Paige with a primal scream. Paige holds her tight, hoping she might have helped ease the pain a bit.