Is this cuckolding tale full-on humour? No. But it's definitely lighthearted and not to be taken particularly seriously. All characters are fictional and 18 or older. If that's not your thing, try another story.
* * *
"Clyde, you're 18 now. I'm not having you lolling around the house all summer. You don't have to get a paying job but you have to do something young man!"
"What do you want me to do, mum?"
"I don't know. I don't care. Why don't you go and ask the social studies teacher at school for suggestions. Maybe you can do some community service."
"OK."
That's how I found myself outside Mrs McCluskey's office at 8 o'clock on a Thursday morning. It was about 10 days before the end of school. I only had one A Level exam left and would be heading off to university in the autumn if my results were good enough. I was pretty sure they would be. I'd got good scores on my coursework and had a good feeling about the exams.
"Come in, Clyde."
Mrs McCluskey kept her door open so she could see me loitering.
"What can I do for you?"
"Can you suggest some kind of community service I could do over the summer? My mum wants me out of the house but I don't want to work in a chicken shop."
"I don't know you well, Clyde but you have a good reputation. A people person, right?"
"Yeah, I'd say that's true."
"OK, so you want to avoid anything that will be too administrative. You won't see people. What about outdoors stuff, like volunteering to clean the park or the riverbanks?"
"Probably not a good idea for me in the summer. I get terrible hayfever."
"So, indoor work involving people. Hmmm..."
She was clearly thinking.
"Turn around, Clyde."
I turned and faced the door.
"No, I want you to give me a spin."
I put my arms in the air like a ballet dancer and did a little spin.
"Humour. Grace. Good looks. How would you feel working with women?"
"Fine, I suppose. That's half of everyone, pretty much."
"Do you know Chestnut Close?"
"Off from Oak Grove? Sure."
"Close the door, Clyde and take a seat."
I closed the door and took the other seat.
"The wives living on Chestnut Close need some help. There hasn't been a man in the area to cuckold their husbands for over a year. So, why don't you get Sabrina to photograph you -- naked mind -- and make up a business card. On the other side you can put your dimensions and how to contact you. But give it to them in an envelope and tell them what's inside."
"Cuckold?"
"Clyde, I'm disappointed. You took Mr Elkridge's A Level English class. You should know that word."
"Sorry. I focused more on mathematics, physics, and chemistry. I hope to get a B in English."
"Never mind, Clyde. The meaning has changed over time anyway. Look, many husbands struggle to keep up with their wife's needs. So they need another man -- someone with spare time on his hands -- to help. This depends on couples on Chestnut Close liking you. If they do then you'll be fulfilling the sexual needs of the wives, while the husbands are off in the City trading stocks or whatever it is they do."
"Oh! Oh, well yes. I can see why the picture should be naked now. Yes, I think I could do that. I'd like to think that I have quite a good reputation."
"Yes. I've heard the girls talk and they seemed pretty happy. That's why I think this could be the community service choice for you."
** *
I shaved my head and shined my scalp. I wanted to look like Samuel L Jackson -- but 18.
Sabrina was remarkably professional taking the photo and printing my cards. We'd dated for a month but maybe she still liked me. More likely, she wanted complete access to the school's media suite and I was a convenient reason to be there.
Whichever it was, I got six beautifully printed cards in individual envelopes. I wasn't planning on just putting my card through the letterbox and hoping. If a wife took one, there was a very good chance she'd call me. So six cards seemed plenty.
** *
Mrs McCluskey had suggested starting at number 73, so I knocked on the door. A small Punjabi woman wearing a salwar kameez opened it.
"Good morning, Mrs..."
"Mrs Ahuja."
"Good morning Mrs Ahuja. Mrs McCluskey from Hainult School suggested I contact you to offer some community service this summer."
"Oh yes, Clyde. She mentioned you might call. Go on then."
"I've just taken my A Levels and hope to start at university. Until then, Mrs McCluskey suggested that I offer to cuckold the husbands of Chestnut Close. I have a business card here. I should note that the picture is quite explicit."
Mrs Ahuja took the envelope and opened it. She looked at it and smiled.
"Good old, Bridget." She visibly drew her thoughts together and spoke again. "I'll show it to my husband tonight but it looks very impressive, Clyde. I'll contact you tomorrow either way. Now, you might want to try number 18 next. Mr and Mrs Cohen could be in need of your services, too."
I walked a few doors down and knocked again.
Mrs Cohen opened the door and I delivered my spiel. She took the envelope, opened it and smiled.
"Foreskin intact. Good. Why don't you come in, Clyde."
We sat down in her conservatory. There was a potted orange tree at one end and a lovely loveseat next to it.