"Jenny!" Paul yelled up the stairs. "Len's just been on the phone and they want us to do something for the charity raffle he's running. Can you talk to him and decide what we'll do? I'm going to be in court all week."
I descended the stairs with the grace that came from years of ballet and gymnastics training.
"Paul, please don't shout up the stairs. Come up and speak, or even just call on your phone. But shouting is horrible."
"I'm sorry darling. You're right. It's just that I have to finish my planning for court next week. I'm sure my client didn't do it and I'm working through the likely prosecution case."
"Yes, yes. I'm sure. But please just call next time. Or even leave a note."
⁂
"Did you see Groundhog Day?" Len asked.
"Of course I did. The Religious Studies teacher played it in class one afternoon."
"Do you remember the auction at the ball?"
"Yes. They all wanted to buy Phil."
"We're doing an auction like that."
"And you want Paul to be in the auction?"
"No, we want you to be in the auction. And Aaliyah, Freja, Sofia, and Natalia."
"And what will the winner get?"
"That's up to you to decide together, I suppose. I expect that most people will want dinner and drinks, or dinner and dancing. Would you be up for that?"
"Len, I studied ballet for 15 years. I'm always up for dancing! But my cooking doesn't really go beyond baking potatoes and putting stuff in the microwave."
"Don't worry, Jenny. No-one will ask you to cook them dinner. They'll take you out somewhere fancy, like The Waterside Inn or The Fat Duck. You could put up with some Michelin Star elegance, couldn't you?"
"OK, Len. Sign me up."
⁂
"Paul, you have to dress up smart for tomorrow night. We're going to the charity auction."
"Oh, that thing Len's running?"
"The thing you asked me to agree with him. I'm up for auction."
"Like in Groundhog Day?"
"Like in Groundhog Day."
"So, do you want me to bid on you? And do you want a limit on my bids?"
"You can bid on me if you want, sweetie. But I think Len needs me and the others he's signed up to be bought by someone other than their husbands. He needs a bit of a 'frisson' if you know what I mean."
"Oh, right. So you'll go to a restaurant with someone?"
"Exactly."
"Sounds fine. OK, I'll bid up to £500 and then drop out, so Len gets a good price for you. Is that OK?"
"Brilliant!"
⁂
"Len's got so many people here tonight. It's amazing!"
"I know. I don't know who half these people are."
"I do. There are two from Premier League football. International players. And that one's from the basketball team. He's a TV producer. That one over there is a celebrity hairdresser. I know because I represented him -- and won -- last year. Decent chap."
"So do you think Len'll raise a lot?"
"I had assumed he'd get about £1,000 for each of you. A nice sum for a charity donation for most people. But this crowd has enough people with big money that he could be in for much more. But I'll still bid for you up to £500, like we agreed.
⁂
"Who would have thought that Natalia would fetch £3,000?" I asked. "I mean, she's lovely and all but that's a lot of money!"
"They're not really paying for her, Jenny. I think they're showing everyone how much of a wad they have. It's no different from rutting stags in Richmond Park. But these stags are clashing wallets instead of antlers."
"I'm up next. I suppose I have to do my best to bring in more than Natalia and the others."
"Don't worry. I am confident you won't show yourself up."
Then, I heard my name and went up to the stage. Len had me do a twirl. He said it was to show off my dancing skills but I think he wanted my skirt to float up and show my legs. Maybe my knickers. Not that I was wearing any!
"So, let's start the bidding at £750!" Len said.
Paul dutifully put up his hand, even though it was more than what we'd agreed. But lots of other hands went up, too. Paul didn't have to make any more bids. And I just had to wait to see who bought me.
I was glad to see how many people were bidding. And the bidding kept on going up. It quickly passed £3,000, then £4,000, and topped out at £5,750. I was very happy with how much more I had earned than any of the others.
The winner was Marland, a basketball player. He looked the part. He was tall with long, muscular arms and a very lean frame.
I went to join him and we bowed as I sat next to him at his table.
We swapped numbers so we could discuss details. But he didn't say much. It was an expensive charity evening. The tables were overflowing with wine, smoked salmon, and roast lamb. But Marland was on water and had a meal that looked more nutritious than delicious. I suppose athletes don't get to eat what they want, even at events like this.
"I'll call you tomorrow, Jenny. We can discuss it on the phone. I don't want to suggest something here and have you feel obligated. I'll think of something tonight and because I'll only be a voice, you'll be empowered to say 'no' if you don't like the suggestion."
⁂
"What do you think he'll want?" I asked Paul as we drove home?
"Dinner? Maybe dancing, like Len suggested?"
"I don't think so. I saw what he was eating. It obviously came from his team's dietician and not the caterers. He won't be free to go out for a dirty burger, let alone something dripping with caviar at a Michelin Star place."
"Maybe just dancing, then? He can drink water and you're a good dancer."
"Maybe he'll ask me for sex." I blurted out.
"Would you?"
"Would I what?"
"Would you agree to have sex with him?"
"I'm married to you!" I exclaimed.
"Sure you are. But that doesn't mean you'll never have sex with anyone else again. I'm a lawyer. I know I'm on the criminal side of things but I see people. People like sex. Even married people. At least one in six wives cheat and more than that have sex with others with their husband's permission."
"And what do you want?"
"I want to stay married to you. But I want to stay married to a very happy you. I wouldn't object if you agreed to have sex with Marland. If you want to, that is."
"Why?"
"You have an opportunity. If you have sex with him, with my knowledge and consent, then you might like it and you might not. But if he asks and you reject him you'll probably hate yourself for not taking the opportunity. You don't want to be on your deathbed worrying about missing out on some sex."
"You assume he'll want sex. I doubt it. I think he'll want to go dancing or to the cinema, or a play or something. But I'll think about it."
⁂