Carlas Agony

Carla is my friend with benefits. Carla is 29 years old and I ... well, I am 48 years old. I wouldn't call our situation ideal because it isn't. For quick sex it is fine, she leaves afterwards and we don't feel the urge to discuss the previous night. But we also have some quality time, when we spend the a few days together, go shopping or go on a weekend trip. Afterwards we go our own way without knowing when to see each other again. And I must say, that hurts. Due to her age Carla looks differently at society, we have a different taste for music, culture, we read different books. And above all, she lives her life in different gear.

Carla is petite but sturdy with short waved black hair. She has a full chest and short but strong legs. Thick thighs but firm, muscled. Her eyes are green and look hard, Carla always looks ready to attack, although when you know her better she is a gentle mind. Yet you will never get her in a corner, she is verbally too strong and well-spoken.

Carla just has one issue, she is incontinent. Never in her life has she been able to hold her pee longer than a few seconds which means all her life she wears diapers 24/7. To herself it is not a big deal anymore but some relationships ended due to a guy not being able to cope with it. When her relationship once again would end she was furious and cried out on my shoulder. Fumed, they weren't men, too smug to cope with a partner's body fluid, and if one would go down her, which most didn't, she fumed they didn't know how to and that they were adults with the mind of a child.

Carla didn't make a fuss out of it. Her friends knew she was wearing diapers and within a relationship she was also quickly honest about her issue. For her it was in the same category as having her period. It wasn't a secret, but if it wasn't necessary she wouldn't talk about it and she had to cope with it herself anyway. She wasn't hiding the bulge in her pants much either. The only concession she made was wearing shapewear panties that flattened her padded butt a bit. She didn't shave leaving her a thick furry crotch, up to her legs because when she was young she shaved once and contracted a severe skin infection. She said she wouldn't go swimming, and most guy's wouldn't go down on her anyway. I however didn't mind and loved her bush.

What was hard to deal with for most partners was the fact that she lost urine 3 out of 4 times during sex. Before going to bed she has a ritual she performs. First laying down a blanket that has a plastic cover and then laying down 3 absorption blankets. She leaves her diaper on as long as possible. When I am down on her she warns me seconds before she starts peeing. Sometimes I can hide but most of the time I am too late, well, too late if I wanted to hide, which I don't. I just let her empty herself and try to lick her clit and pee hole while she pisses because that is what makes both of us wild.

Carla's pissing during sex has nothing to do with the squirting some women do when they have an orgasm. No, with Carla it can happen only seconds after touching or penetration, which means sex is often a wet and soaking play. Yet I like the warm flow over my crotch when I am inside her and feel the wetness flowing over my crotch and legs.

I hadn't seen Carla for a while when she called me a few weeks ago.

"Frank, that wimp, dumped me. He said his friends found out I was incontinent and now they tease him. Say we do ABDL roleplay and he has to change my diaper. Can you imagine! I went to the football game and called that idiot of a Will Van der Wind out! You know what he said? Nothing! Just 'No, it was just a joke', 'I don't have any problem with you!' And the others? Just laughing behind my back!"

"Frank ... he is a nice guy, but he is weak. You are his superior in everything, mentally and physically. What you went through in life has made you the strong woman you are today. The fact you are so open about it is too much to cope with for these weak jerks."

"Open about it? I didn't say a F%$KING word! Frank must have told them."

"But you didn't deny it. That's just the same as admitting you need diapers."

"Yeah, I know. And every woman needs to poop, and every woman needs sanitary pads, yet we don't talk about it and don't deny it. Sure, it is different when one is incontinent but I don't bother anyone with it. Look the other way when you don't want to see a woman poop and look the other way when you don't want to see my diapered butt."

"I want to see it and it is an eye candy to me."

I was glad things were over with Frank. She always cheated on her boyfriends with me but our relationship was only sexual when she was seeing someone. I missed our quality time.

Since I met her 3 years ago she has been dumped 3 times. Every time, in a way, her condition was part of the reason for breaking up. And every time my heart jumped and I wanted to prove even more my love for her and her 'shortcomings', as others referred to it. I got obsessed with her, thinking about her all day. Her beautiful eyes and the way they look at me. Her figure with gorgeous breasts and full hips. Her humour and smile, which makes me feel special and turns me into a shy boy. But also the way she handles her challenges. The strength and determination to overcome her difficulties makes her pee smell like flowers, the touch of her diaper covered butt like a victory over shame. Thinking, at any moment she can be peeing, releasing urine into her diaper without being able to stop, to control it, is so intimate and hot that I get a boner just by thinking about it.

I invited Carla to go to Antwerp for shopping and just to be together. It is a 2 hour drive and we left early in the morning. First she wanted to shop for some clothes before her butt was too big and after that we went to a museum. Carla looked stunning. She wore a white, tight buttoned blouse that was wide around her big bust, a jacket, open, with one button closed near her belly button which was formed around her boobs and intended to accentuate them. A nice black suede skirt covered her black pantyhose just above her knees, tight around her middle and wide around her butt and hips. Her firm, big legs gave her a beautiful female, round appearance. The tightness of the skirt around her butt grew every hour and I looked at it mesmerized.

In a Haute Couture shop one of the attendants touched Carla's butt because the dress she was trying didn't fall over Carla's hips the way she wanted. She noticed the padding and with a smiling, hautain face she asked, "oh, you recently gave birth?"

"No," Carla replied, "just incontinent by default."

We went out without buying anything and when we looked back we saw her sniffing the backside of the dress with disgust and we laughed out loud. Carla was careless, blunt about her situation and we made jokes about it. When i said i had to go to the loo, she said,

"Me too ..... aaand ..... done!".

On a hard bench I said I envied her for her padding. And when we saw a beautiful woman with not much of a butt we agreed she would definitely look better wearing a diaper.

We had a great day. We kissed and made out. Had fun without thinking about tomorrow, or yesterday. We swirled through the city like young lovers. Went down to the old harbour, kissed and touched each other like teenagers. Our hands explored our bodies as if we had never seen each other naked. Carefully to see if she would not get upset my hand went down to her butt, over her diaper, but she just grinned and her hand naughtily went between my legs feeling the boner trapped within my pants. She laughed, and it was a breathtaking laugh.

We ran to the car, confident of having a steaming hot evening at my place. But once inside the protective shell a car is, leaving all noises of the rushing traffic outside, Carla was silent. She was just looking out of the window to a point in the future. Suddenly she was deeply sad. My hand went to her knee and her hand went on mine. I didn't know if it was to answer my gesture, or to prevent it getting too intimate. Her thoughts were nowhere near me anymore and I didn't know what to say to comfort her. Little did I know about the agony, difficulties she experienced for the last 29 years and probably will for the rest of her life too, about a life in diapers.

I stopped at a fuel station beside the motorway and when I came back after paying Carla wasn't in the car anymore. She was walking 50 meter down the road and when I shouted where she was going she just pointed her finger over her head toward a house with a Stella Artois sign above the door. I parked my car and rushed over to her. By the time I got there Carla already had ordered 2 beers and almost finished the first one. I sat down next to her.

"This fucked up world is to much to handle sober. People are so ... I mean... I got one issue and all my life people treat me like a dirty, filthy street dog."

I wanted to protest and point out to myself that I always treated her with respect and love but this wasn't the time. Once again I was reduced to a listener, a distant friend. The second beer was almost empty and she ordered a new one.

"You know, I was 13 years old. At primary school no one made a point out of my condition but in secondary school, all of a sudden no class mate could still be friends with a diapered girl. Some teachers saw my loneliness and thought it would be a good idea to force me to sit next to a popular girl. The second hour in class she screamed out in disgust that I was diffusing a horrible smell. And did you know what that wanker of a teacher said? 'Carla? Maybe you should go and check yourself?' What the... really? What did he think? I pooped myself? I couldn't take care of myself? Never ever have I been so humiliated than that day. And not because of that bitch next to me but because of that teacher. She just pointed out what everybody thought about incontinence but he ... he should have known better."

"I am sorry to hear that. But ... "

"Crappy Carla, they called me. You know my first friend? Asked me for a date because he had lost a bet and therefore had to take out the filthiest girl from school. And I was too idiotic to see of course. After that I couldn't care about anything anymore. Everyone who wanted to know I would tell all about it in every detail. I painted my own world where it is just an inconvenience for myself, but to everyone else it represents ultimate disgust. I am disgusting."

By that time Carla was heavily intoxicated. It was painful to hear what this beautiful woman I love so much had gone through in life. At the same time I felt ignored, unseen. My effort to treat her like the beautiful woman she is seemed unrecognized. Carla stood up, leaving two half round wet stains on the wooden chair. She walked out of the door, her skirt wet,the bulge of her diaper hanging halfway her thighs, making her walk uneasily, with her knees bent outward.

I quickly paid for the drinks and ran after her. She was walking the wrong direction. I took her by her shoulder, turned around, and helped her to my car. Suddenly she stopped, looked between her legs as a puddle of urine formed around her feet. She laughed hysterically.

"Ha ha ha, no ... fuuuu ...! Look ... hi hi, even my diaper is disgusted by my cunt."

Her hands between her legs weigh her heavy, dripping, low hanging diaper. She walked even more awkwardly, wiggling like a duck, laughing and leaking while honking cars drove by. Carla was soaking wet when she sat down in the car.

Carla slept while I drove home. I carried her to my bedroom, put her down on a protective sheet on the bed and finally I could take off her wet clothes. Her diaper was so saturated that it started to dissolve. The snaps came loose and the diaper was only held up by her shapewear and pantyhose. I took off her shoes, panthose and panties. Then I took the wet diaper from underneath her. There was a puddle of unsaturated pee in it and carefully I took it to the toilet and deposited it in the bin. When I came back I saw wetness flowing between her pubic hair.

I took a diaper out of the closet she kept some clothes in. I lifted her butt by pushing her legs past her head, wiping her ass and cunt with a wet cloth. Placed the diaper underneath her and lowered her legs. I spread her legs and closed her diaper, snap by snap until it was tight around her legs and belly.

I tugged her in, washed her clothes and cleaned the car seat. Today she spilled out her guts and she called me out. She made clear I haven't done enough to show her how much she is loved and how much she is worth to be loved. How much she can give others even if it's not me. Sure, it would break my heart but Carla deserves better, she deserves the best she deserves to love and be loved.