I hadn't slept with another person for years. Especially not since Goddess Tamara had become part of my life and helped me fulfil my loser potential. But that all changed last night when she let my new friend stay over. Unfortunately, she made us lie next to each other upside down, so our wet diapers were in each others faces.
"Enjoy your piss pillows losers!" Susan had laughed.
I woke up to a soggy face as Toilet Piggy's diaper pressed into my piggy snout. I carefully got up, not wanting to wake my poor loser pal, and minced over to the table, trying to stop my ribbons covered in little bells from waking them. I sat down and immediately got on line-writing autopilot. My wrist was in agony, but whenever I slowed down, I'd glance at the pathetic piggy lying on my conservatory floor and remember that I would share it's permanent fate if I didn't finish 10,000 lines by midnight this Sunday. I'd quietly squeal to myself in fright and get back to work.
A few hundred lines in, these happy thoughts were interrupted by a phone call. I didn't want to wake my fellow loser but I was forbidden from leaving the conservatory without permission. With no other choice, I answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hey! This is Claire. Hope you don't mind, I got your number from someone at the office."
"Claire? Wow, hi!"
Claire had been my office crush for about a year now. I'd been trying to work up the nerve to ask her out. But then I'd met Goddess Tamara online and had ended up dedicating almost all my free time to humiliating myself for her amusement.
"So I hear you have the week off?" said Claire. "Having fun?"
"Er... actually, kinda catching up on projects," I said, looking at the pile of completed lines, and the huge pile of empty pages still to be filled.
"Wow, sounds thrilling," said Claire, laughing. "Well if you can tear yourself away, how about dinner and a movie?"
"W-what? L-like a date?"
"Uh-huh! If that's OK? I've kinda had my eye on you for a while..."
I looked at my reflection in the conservatory window. Giant frilly dress that only a sissy would wear. Diaper proudly on display. Pig nose and ears over my unwashed face, unless you count the bottles of urine I'd had poured over me.
"Wow Claire, I don't know what to say..."
"How about 'yes'?"
"Yeah, definitely! Um, this week isn't great though. Are you free next we-"
"Who are you talking to, oink oink?" asked Toilet Piggy loudly.
"Oh, do you have company?" asked Claire.
"Er, one sec!" I jammed my hand over the phone. "Can you give me a second? Please?"
"Why aren't you oinking? Oink oink?" asked Toilet Piggy, standing up and looking at the live Skype feed nervously.
"I... I just need to take care of this," I whispered. "Oink oink," I added.
"Morning piggies!"
Goddess Tamara was awake and in front of the camera, wearing a silk nightgown. I moaned internally.
"Who ya talking to piggy?"
"They weren't oinking! Oink Oink!" said Toilet Piggy.
Tamara gasped. "That can't be true! Is it Piggy?"
"Hey, you still there?" asked Claire.
"Answer your friend, piggy," said Tamara, grinning, an evil glint in her eye.
Shaking, I put the phone back to my ear. "Hi, sorry, um, can I call you back?" I then waited as long as possible under Tamara's glare before saying "oink oink."
Silence. Then after a few excruciating seconds, Claire asked "what did you just say?"