I decided to call this half a chapter, as it isn't really a full one but is meant to bridge the existing and the coming arch together.
I hope you enjoy reading it regardless. As I haven't written Toby in almost a year, bear with me.
*
Josh had humiliated me. Right in front of Kimberly. Right in the moment of victory. I thought I had subdued them both, that I would have my way and have Kimberly as my own, but alas, no. Josh was in the way. He had drawn a line in the sand so long ago, and when I crossed it, even when Kimberly helped me ease him into watching me take her in front of him, he got a baseball bat and beat me up.
I hadn't seen it coming. I thought I had that oaf figured out, that he was just going to meekly follow along. Perhaps he had been pushed too far. His instincts to fight or flight were triggered, and he chose the former.
The nurses at the hospital took pity on me, luckily for me, but I knew I couldn't press charges. Josh had all the evidence of how I had tricked and coerced Kimberly, and as much as I hated to admit it, he had the upper hand. At all costs did I want to avoid that man. I had no illusions, not this time, that I was any match for him. I hated myself for being such a wimp, but when it came to my own survival, I learned about myself, that I don't take any chances.
That was my mentality for the longest. I even joined a gym that had MMA and boxing classes and licked my wounds for months. Even the idea of revenge was too painful, and I was left in a constant state of shame and humiliation. It was so clear to me who the
'alpha'
was.
Something that didn't make any sense to me. I had been the one who taught Kimberly how to be a slut, opened her eyes to her real mate. Kimberly was made to carry my seed, and I knew she was more compatible with me than Josh. Our chemistry when I fucked her made that clear. I sat in the dark, but I was pretty certain that Kimberly wasn't enjoying fucking anyone else near as much as she had with me.
I went out there to see how they were doing pretty early on after my beatdown, but just seeing them happy together was too much for me to handle. Kimberly seemed happy without me, and that did something to my ego that I didn't like. But, as I sat in the treeline and watched them hang around the pool, I kept telling myself that it was all fake. Only I knew the real Kimberly, and only I could be her match. She knew it; I knew it. This thing she had with Josh was just a facade. But for now, it seemed unfeasible.
In the meantime, I did something utterly stupid. I guess some of my hubris was not fully tarnished, as I decided to go to a club. To get over Kimberly, of course.
So, there I was. Dancing and flirting, trying to find some easy girl to fuck, and yet feeling absolutely nothing. No arousal, no lust, no fun. And the looks I got told me everything I needed to know. I wasn't welcome. They didn't find me attractive. These superficial sluts would never give me the chance, and they'd never learn how well they belonged with their legs spread and wrapped around my waist as I filled them with my genes.
That's when Amanda suddenly stood before me. In a black party dress that showed plenty of leg and plenty of cleavage. She looked at me, not saying anything. We sort of stared at each other for a while, and I knew she was judging me.
"You look pathetic," she said, loud enough to be heard over the music, but not shouting.
"Shut up," I said.
"Are you here to try and prove something?" Amanda asked, leaning forward to make sure I heard her. "Because this place is full of girls that are not into you. Despite what you got going on down there," she said, whispering the last part in my ear.
I felt my anger boiling inside of me, and I wanted to strike back at Amanda. But instead, she eyed me up and down for a moment.
"What are you doing here? Out of your little den?" Amanda asked.
"Josh tossed me out of their house," I said, not wanting to get into the grimy details of what had happened.
"And you came here?" Amanda asked, shaking her head.
"I need to move on," I said. "Why do you care?"
"I don't," Amanda said simply. "Come on, let me get you a drink."
I followed Amanda over to the bar, and she ordered us both a drink. I watched her ass as we walked through the crowd. I could tell she was aware of my gaze, and she swayed her hips more than necessary, just to show me what I couldn't have.
First, she asked what was up. I told her, avoiding 99% percent of the details. I kept it short, simply telling her I felt inadequate compared to Josh. That was the painful truth. I didn't go into the details of how I had coerced Kimberly into sex, tricking her into almost second-guessing her relationship with Josh. How I had stolen her from him. And how he beat me up because of it.
Amanda was a good listener. She listened without judgment, and she seemed to understand. She didn't interrupt or try to fix it. She just sat there, listening. After I was done talking, we just sat there in silence for a few minutes. I sipped my drink and looked around, feeling the urge to run away from Amanda.
"We all have our vices," Amanda had said. It was hard to look her in the eyes with that gigantic cleavage she had on display. She knew I was checking her out and didn't seem to care.
"I guess," I said. "Though I don't think it's enough to change how I feel about myself. I've always been like this. Weak and... just not enough."
"You shouldn't be," Amanda said, putting her hands on my shoulders. "You've got qualities. And perhaps comparing yourself to Josh isn't the smartest thing to do. I mean, if anyone is the perfect man, he's close to being it."
I couldn't stop myself from wincing.
"What?" Amanda asked.
"Nothing," I muttered. There was no way I'd indulge in any kind of conversation about how good a man Josh really was.
"Okay," she said, clearly sensing that there was more to the story than what I told her. "I'm sorry you've had a rough time, though." She was polite, but I could tell by her frown that she regretted inviting this whiny boy for a drink.
"Sorry," I said.
"No, don't worry. Just... well, let me cheer you up, hm?" Amanda suggested. She leaned forward, putting her lips right by my ear. Her hand came up, gently caressing the back of my neck, and I could feel her hot breath against my skin. "How about you come home with me? I've missed that big hog I got to fondle in that broom closet. Do you remember that?"
I was a bit surprised to say the least, but I wasn't going to say no. Her tits were too tempting, and the way her fingers caressed my skin sent shivers down my spine. "Yes," I replied.
"Good," she said. "Finish your drink, then let's get out of here."