A Good Christian Woman Ch 06

------JESSICA------

Travis walked me out to Kim, who was cooking dinner, and told her the good news. I'm approved as her protege, and I couldn't be happier. I wanted to make Kim proud. I wanted to receive more information from her. She was clearly so in tune with how to please a man, so dedicated to his pleasure. And honestly, I'm sure it would mean I would be fucking Travis more, which really excited me.

All the previous sex I had experienced was very mechanical and, although some of it was quite enjoyable, this time with Travis was so much different. He was so aggressive and dominant at first, and I found out I LOVED that. But then, at the end, when we were kissing and I was riding him, it was a completely different experience. I felt connected to him, there was an added layer of something invisible there that made my heart race. I wanted more of that.

Fucking these different men taught me how to please them. But it also taught me what I enjoyed, how I could get immeasurable pleasure from sex.

Kim was elated. She tore herself from the stove and gave me a hug, before Travis dragged me to a different bedroom and we fucked some more.

Not just some more, though. We fucked all night. In different positions and rooms. Sometimes Kim would watch, sometimes she would sit somewhere else and give us privacy. We even took turns sucking Travis. Kim struggled a bit with the hard face-fucking, and I felt better about how I had struggled with it at first.

At some point, we fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I was alone on their master bed and both Kim and Travis were gone. She had left me a text saying to feel free to get something to eat from the pantry and that she would reach out later that day to let me know about what Kappa Phi is doing this next week.

I felt so fulfilled leaving their house that morning. I put on the now slightly torn clothes I had worn over to their house and stepped out the door with a swelling sense of pride inside me. I had incredible sex last night, learned a lot about myself and how to please a man, cemented my status as protege, and deepened my relationship with both Travis and Kim. The only thing I even slightly felt bad about was leaving James last night to come here. A small sacrifice to make, for all the pleasure I would certainly bring him in the future.

I was happily, and confidently walking back to my dorm when I got the text that changed everything.

James: "I know about Kappa Phi, and where you were last night. I saw you and him. We need to talk".

It felt like my heart stopped. The world started spinning. I stood on the sidewalk, frozen in place, rereading the text message over and over and over in disbelief.

No no no no no no no, he can't there's no way? Is this a prank? Did someone mess with my phone. I checked his contact in my phone and the number was definitely his. I felt like I was going to vomit. How did he know? How did he find out? He SAW us?

No this can't be real, it can't be fucking real. I thought I was doing a good job keeping everything together. Maybe I could spin this? Figure out what he knew and make up a lie to make it make sense. Another lie for the growing pile of guilt that I had created for myself.

Another text. A picture. Of me, naked, on top of Travis. Looked like it was taken through a window.

My vision began to tunnel and I felt like I couldn't breathe. How stupid was I to think I could hide this. To think I was clever enough to avoid this outcome.

I found a bench and sat down to catch my breath. I felt like I was dying. How quickly I went from flying high due to how good I was doing at cheating on my boyfriend to this overwhelmingly hellish feeling. The tears finally came. Not for myself, but for what I had done. What he must me feeling. This sick fantasy world I had been keeping secret had so quickly been exposed.

I text back, "I'm on my way over."

------JAMES------

I sat outside the various windows of Kim's house for hours last night. The blinds, so graciously opened for me by Kim, I jerked off over and over and over.

I couldn't make sense of the feelings inside of me. I had harbored these secret, repressed, desires to see Jessica in this state so many times. I wanted to make her tits bounce as she rode me. I wanted to be in her mouth as she knelt in front of me. I wanted to cum inside of her and knock her up, laying with our bodies pressed together as we kissed.

It hurt so much watching her live out my fantasies with someone else. But I was still witnessing my fantasies in real life, and that was so deeply erotic. I think the party had fucked me up in a serious way. Watching the woman I love more than anything in the world getting treated like a slut, slapped, choked, fucked. Watching her moan in indescribable pleasure. It was everything I wanted. I just wanted to be the person doing it.

I wanted to fuck Jess more than anything. She needed to know that I knew, in order to make that happen. She would keep up these appearances about purity, otherwise. So I needed her to know that I knew what she was doing. Maybe then, we could do it? And if we did it, maybe she wouldn't need to do this anymore? These past few days can disappear into the past like a bad memory.

I left Kim and Travis' house when I was sure they were asleep for the night and there wouldn't be any more sex to witness. The absolute rush of watching the woman I love getting fucked right in front of me had faded. Now I was just a college kid with his dick out in someone's yard.

I had taken some videos though. I went home and was surprised to find my roommate had just returned from his trip too.

"Woah, hey man you look rough" Dean said as I entered our dorm.

"Yeah, long night" I replied, slipping past him and into my room. I wasn't interested in a conversation right now. I wanted to relive the past few hours.

I put my earbuds in and propped my phone up on my desk.

I masturbated for the next few hours to the various videos I had saved. Intermittently checking the tracking app to see if Jess had started to move. Eventually. I saw she was awake and worked up the nerve to send her a text.

I let her know I knew. And we needed to talk. I didn't want to talk about how she was cheating on me, keeping it a secret, being a slut for countless other men. Maybe it makes me a loser that I still wanted to be with her despite that. Maybe it makes me a bad Christian that I wanted nothing more than to have some taste of what she had so freely given these other men. I knew that this was the only first step that could lead to me living out these fantasies, doing with her what she was doing with so many other people now. It would be uncomfortable, but necessary.

I needed to keep my mind busy, while she read what I said and responded. I loaded up my favorite video and set it to repeat. The first one I took that night. Her screaming on his cock as she rode him and begged him to cum inside of her. Them laying together and kissing, so passionately, while he pumped his cum inside of her. My good Christian future wife, his fuck toy.

------JESSICA------

I stood at the door to James' dorm and took a deep breath. I had managed to settle my nerves to some extent. I wasn't the crying mess I was a few minutes ago, but I still felt an immeasurable guilt inside of me, a fear for what consequences my actions would have. I loved James SO fucking much. This whole thing was supposed to make me better for him. God, would he even understand my perspective or would he think I was just lying to fuck other guys. I hoped he knew me better than that.

I didn't even really recognize myself these days though.

I knocked on the door.

I shifted quietly, waiting for James to open the door, but surprisingly that wasn't what happened.

Dean, James' roommate who I'd only met a few times, opened the door.

"Oh, hey!" I said, "Is... James here?"

Dean looked me up and down with wide, hungry eyes, I knew that look well enough by now.

"Damn Jess, you look like you had a pretty wild night. Wanna have a wild day too?" He laughed with a wink.

"I'm kidding. Yeah, James got back a couple hours ago, been in his room ever since. Come on in." He backed away from the door and let me in, eyes still locked on me.

"Thank you" I replied and walked, quickly, to James' door, I knocked lightly on it as my heart slammed in my chest - Nothing.

I knocked a little louder, "Babe, it's me" - Nothing

"He doesn't normally lock it. You should be good." Dean said, grabbing a drink from the kitchen and walking back to his room.

I turned the doorknob, and crept into his room. I expected to see him on his bed, since he didn't reply. But James was sitting at his desk, facing away from the door. I walked up behind him and reached a hand out to place on his shoulder, but what I saw stopped me in my tracks.

James sat in his desk chair, earbuds in, staring at his phone. On his phone was playing a familiar scene. One I had lived just hours ago. I watched on the screen as I lifted my hips and dropped them back down on Travis' cock repeatedly. This would be shocking enough on it's own, but what James was doing had me so deeply confused.

His penis was out. In his hand, and he was stroking himself with wild abandon as he watch me ride Travis on his phone. What was this?

If I even saw James hold hands with another girl my heart would break. I would cry for days. Here he was watching me have another man cum inside of me and he was jerking off?

Did he... like this? Even if he just liked it because it was me, I can't imagine the hurt and betrayal wouldn't overwhelm him. I was so confused.

But wait. Maybe I could use this? I briefly chastised myself for immediately thinking of ways to deceive or use this to my advantage. What did that even mean? My advantage? I just wanted to save the relationship, to make James happy. Maybe this would make him happy. It's not like it was sex. He would still be pure.

I reached forward, leaning down and wrapping one hand around his chest as my other touched his hand on his cock.

He JUMPED, immediately, terrified, shocked, and looking back at me.

"What are!..." He stopped when he looked back and saw me. I leaned my head in and kissed his cheek as my hand started stroking him. He groaned loudly, his demeanor immediately changing. His face still showed a shocked expression but it was drenched in a deeply aroused look that I wish I could bottle and drink.

"It's okay baby" I whispered by his ear as I continued stroking him.

"Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck" He blurted out and I felt his cock tense up. His hard penis pumped and pumped and pumped as he threw his head back in pleasure, but only a tiny dribble came out the tip. That's new, normally they shot cum out in different quantities. I wondered if cock size determined how much cum came out.

He breathed heavily for a few moments before opening his eyes and looking at me.

"Oh fuck. Jess. I... I didn't think you'd get here, this is just..." He stammered trying to find the words that would make sense out of this situation. I didn't understand what was going on here at all, so I anxiously awaited his explanation.

"We... need to talk about this." He gestured to the video and I heard myself screaming through his earbuds.

"I know baby." I said.

We sat down on his bed and I explained everything to him. I was completely honest. Well, almost completely. I didn't tell him how much I enjoyed getting face-fucked or how deep of a connection I had felt as Travis sucked my nipple and pumped his cum inside of me. But I told him about Kappa Phi, the stars, making protege. I told him I didn't know what Kappa Phi was when I joined, but my mom did, and she told me to keep it a secret so my experience could better please James when we got married.

I told him how I lost my virginity with Adam. And he began shifting on the bed and pushing down on his crotch like he was readjusting himself as I told him the story. Why was he getting hard when I told him about how I lost my precious virginity to someone else?

Eventually though, came the question I was dreading, the one I knew he'd ask. And then the answer I had to give him, because it's what I truly felt, as selfish and shitty as it would seem.

"Can...we? It hurts so much that you've given all your firsts to someone else. Watching you with them awoke something in me I've been trying to repress for the sake of our purity. But... now that you've... you know. Maybe we can have sex too?" He asked.

I knew it was coming. And I didn't blame him for asking. Hell, part of me really, really wanted to. It's what I was practicing with Kappa Phi FOR after all.

"We can't baby. It took a lot of convincing for me to give up my purity in exchange to better please you. I know it sounds mean, and selfish, but I want us to still remain however pure we can." I said.

He looked as hurt as I expected.

"That's not... It just, I don't see how we can move forward like that. You having sex with everyone who wants you, except for your boyfriend?" He blurted out, and I understood it. What he's saying made sense.

"I just... I want to keep US virtuous. I was hoping we could always see each other as pure. But now...." I started before he cut me off.

"Now you're willing to give yourself to everyone except the person you supposedly love. How am I supposed to deal with that?" He asked. Again, I understood, and it hurt to feel like he didn't feel special. Maybe we could compromise.

"I mean... we can maybe do other stuff together? There's a lot we haven't done. And I could teach you. I've had a lot of experience, we could have fun in ways that aren't actual sex?" I proposed. It's not perfect. Ideally we wouldn't do ANYTHING until we were married. But I already crossed that barrier with him by stroking his penis when I showed up today.

"Like what?" He asked.

------JAMES------

I can't say I wasn't surprised. Or it didn't hurt.

I loved Jessica so fucking much, and there was a lot I would deal with to keep her.

I did believe her explanation. She really trusts her mother, and I know she loves me. So as twisted as it is, and as much as I don't personally agree with her decision. I can see why she, in particular, decided to do what she decided to do.

I was hurt, but not angry. I couldn't be angry. As much as it broke my heart to watch her get her guts rearranged by different men, it also got me incredibly turned on. I loved seeing her in that lust-drunk state. A visual that had only existed in fantasies that I would try to push from my mind in years past was clearly on display when I watched the videos or saw her through the window. As much as I wished it was me inflicting this on her, causing her to moan and twitch, the pleasure of seeing her like that was so incredible it dwarfed the heart-wrenching pain of watching someone else do it.

Jessica was everything to me.

Maybe we couldn't have sex, due to her desire to keep me pure, which I didn't at all agree with. But when she suugested we do other things my heart jumped in excitement.

"Like what?" I asked, hopeful.

"Well... You've already seen me, so I guess that can't hurt." Jess said, standing up off of the bed and working off her now slightly torn and stretched top.

I was hypnotized, watching her take her top off. This moment had lived in my fantasies for years. I certainly never expected it to happen in this type of situation, but I'd take it any way I can get it. She was faced away when she took her top off and tossed it to the floor. She turned around and I could see her pillowy breasts float and jiggle in her bra as she moved.

"Jess... You're... Beautiful" I said, awestruck, and she smiled a big bright smile at my words.

"Thank you baby. You can take yourself out if you want." She said, looking between my legs.

Hurriedly, I dropped my shorts to the ground and took my aching penis out of my underpants. Jess was working her bra off, and held the cups in place around her breasts after she had undone the clasp on the back.

For a tortuous moment she held them there before she released the bra and her tits bounced free in front of me.

I stroked myself, enthralled at the sight in front of me. My mouth was agape and my body felt like it was on fire with arousal. I had pictured this moment so many times. It wasn't my first time seeing her incredible tits. But it was the first time she had taken them out for ME.

"You like them, baby?" She asked, stepping towards me.

All I could manage was a nod as I watched her rub her nipple and massage her breast.

She knelt on the bed next to me, her heavy breasts just inches from me.

"Do you want to touch? You can suck them if you want." She offered, and I wasn't going to refuse. My heart was fucking pounding. I felt like a kid on Christmas, the best present in the world just waiting for me. I leaned forward as I continued stroking myself and took one nipple in my mouth.

It tasted incredible. Her soft flesh and the smell of her body combining in a perfectly sensual delight. She moaned softly as I held her in my mouth.

"Use your tongue baby, flick it around the nipple, cross the tip of it but don't forget to circle the rest of it." She requested, she knew what she liked better than I did certainly, and I tried my best to follow instructions.

"Yeah, kind of like that. That's pretty good baby." She said. My eyes were closed so I was surprised when I felt a wet sensation on my cock. She had leaned slightly forward while I tried to suck her breast correctly and lowered a wet hand to my penis and began stroking. I was so nervous about performing her instructions correctly, I managed to not cum immediately, but my body was hungry for more of her.

My hand that was stroking myself was now free so I ran it up to her other breast and fumbled with it. I found her nipple and started rubbing my hand over it.

"Fuck" Jess moaned as I continued sucking, licking, fondling her, "Unnngghhhhh, fuck it!"

She swung her leg around, straddling me on the bed like she had before when we were clothed.

"Just once. Okay? Just one time" She looped her hand underneath her and gripped my cock, her breasts pushed into me and I could feel the heat between her legs. This was it. We were going to have sex.

She moved my cock as if to position it correctly, but the sensation was too much. I was on the edge before, having her tits in my face and the pressure of her body on mine was too much. I came in her hand as she tried to put me inside of her.

"OH fuckkkkkkkkkk ungh." I moaned, throwing my head back in incredible pleasure as I felt cum dribble out of my cock and into her hand.

"Oh." She said, sounding both surprised and disappointed, "That's okay baby, that's okay." She swung back off of me and sat next to me on the bed stroking my cock until it finished pulsing and began to go soft.

I lay panting in bed as she removed her hand from me and ran to the bathroom to clean it off, she came back with some toilet paper and cleaned me up as well.

She lay next to me when she was finished and we shared a short kiss.

"That's for the best I guess baby. I don't know what came over me, I guess that's a sign that we should just stick to handjobs for now." She said.

I watched my girlfriend, naked, laying on her side in my bed next to me with her breasts spilling over, as she told me we couldn't have sex. And honestly, I had never felt happier. I wanted to fuck her. I did. So badly. But I came before I could even get in her. I had no one to blame but myself. And this sight in front of me was more than I could ever ask for.

"I love you" I squeaked out, and she smiled brightly.

"I love you too baby. I'm sorry about all of this but I promise it's all for you. For us." She replied.

And as fucked as everything was. Despite all the hurt. I understood to some degree. Kappa Phi led to my girlfriend getting fucked over and over and over by different men. But it also led to me sucking her tits while she stroked my cock. I would never have done that until we got married without Kappa Phi. Kappa Phi took things, but it gave other things in return. It was up to me to decide if it was worth it. In this moment, at least, it was.