"Yes, and you're the only person who is. It's an honor to be assigned to something as complex as Phillips Screwdriver, so carry that name with pride. It's every bit as complicated as Concord Grape Juice, that Ames is working on."
By this time the absurdity of the names had hit home and everybody was laughing. I had them all get in line and come up to me so I could give them their code names. Connor read his and let out a whoop. "Hey, mine's Oreo! I love it!" he yelled, waving his slip of paper over his head. Everybody had a few chuckles and went back to work, smiling over their grocery names and not thinking about the fact that a dedicated spy would have to try to extract secrets from our programmers directly if he wanted to get any information about our project. That would have to be Jerry's next headache.
* * * * * * * * * *
The worst problem with depending on a gun for protection is that you have to carry it. If you're in a stall in the men's room and the gun is locked in your desk drawer, you're defenseless. Furthermore, anybody who knows you carry a gun will try to figure out when you won't have it within arm's reach, and that's when you'll be attacked. This had all been drummed into our heads by Kirk, back at Red's security shop. So Trudy and I had worked out all sorts of arrangements to keep our protection within reach or else cover for each other. Remember in Marathon Man, when the spies go after the hero while he's in the bathtub? Or in that western where the bad guy goes after Clint Eastwood's buddy when he's taking a bath, only to get shot by a revolver that he's taken into the tub with him?
Trudy and I weren't movie stars or quickdraw experts, but we took our security seriously, and thought our problems through and planned for the worst. I recall a one line gag that Richard Armour wrote for the old Saturday Evening Post, "Your chance of being eaten alive by a leopard on main street is only one in a million, but once is enough." So we practiced at the range, kept our guns clean and oiled and loaded with fresh ammunition, and planned carefully for every situation when a bad guy might assume that we'd be vulnerable.
In our bathroom we had a hook in the shower stall on the side opposite to the shower head, and we made a thing we named 'the bee's nest' that we'd hang on the hook with a pistol inside of it, completely protected from the water but easy to draw by reaching up from the bottom, even if we had soap in our eyes. At night, we both took our guns to bed with us, but you'd never be able to tell that by looking. If one of us got up during the night, we woke the other one first, so we'd be covered. During the day, each of us knew where the other one was at all times, thanks to text messages on our cell phones.
The point is that we knew this wasn't a game - our visit to Utica had demonstrated that - and we had resolved never to let our guard down. In case we needed to be reminded, on the top of our tall chest of drawers in the bedroom Trudy had placed a little plaque, bearing the words "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty!"
I dropped Trudy off at the library one Thursday morning, as I usually did. She gave me a kiss, picked up the backpack that held her books and personal stuff and swung out of the car, being careful to keep her vest from flying open because it hid the shoulder rig that carried her loaded pistol plus two spare magazines. She was as professional about it as a seasoned detective, and I watched her walk away from the car for a few seconds, admiring her and thinking what a lucky man I am. Then I headed for the lab, where I planned on reviewing the progress of about a quarter of the staff, leaving the afternoon free to concentrate on whatever problems the morning's conversations might have revealed. Traffic was just what it always was at that hour, and I eased along with the flow, trying not to waste a lot of energy fighting the tide of vehicles.
A traffic light turned red when I was in the middle of a block, in bumper to bumper traffic. When it changed to green the cars were starting to move forward when a guy with a scraggly beard jumped up and landed with a belly flop on the hood of my car. I immediately jerked the wheel to the left and hit the brakes hard, which threw him off on the left side of the car. While he was sliding across the hood, I wrenched the wheel to the right and slammed the accelerator down to mount the curb at a point where there weren't any pedestrians. At the same time I pushed the panic button in the cross spoke of the steering wheel, to signal the FBI that I was in trouble. A blue Toyota swung in from the next lane to cut me off, but I was already on my way to the sidewalk and leaning on the horn to clear a path ahead. Then the Toyota reversed suddenly, curving around to back to nail my left rear wheel, but I was able to avoid contact by inches and get fully up over the curb. Then I drove around a streetlight pole and onto the next cross street, which went at ninety degrees to my original path. The last car on that street that had made it through the intersection as the light changed, was thirty yards ahead. I had a clear path, so I kept the horn blaring and laid some rubber.
One of the things we had done when we became consultants was to go over every foot of pavement in our part of Cambridge, over and over, in the wee hours of many mornings. So I knew just where to find a police station, and what the sidewalks looked like, as well as the streets. We'd committed to memory the arrangement of the traffic lanes, where there were extra lanes and where the pavement narrowed by dropping off a lane at the curb. I glanced at the mirror and saw that the blue Toyota had made it around the corner and the driver was hard on the gas pedal, twenty yards back. I slowed down, watching the oncoming traffic and moving to the middle of the street. The Toyota's driver decided to pass me on the right, so that when he pulled up alongside he could shove me over into a head-on collision. His front bumper was just pulling even with my rear one when I stomped the brake and shifted into reverse. Then I let that big engine squeal the tires as the car stopped and flew back two car lengths. I immediately shifted back to drive and cut to the right behind the Toyota, and down a small side street that I knew led to the back of a police station. That was where the squad cars parked, nosed in to the curb. I spotted two adjacent empty parking spaces, slid to a stop, and backed in. That left me headed out and facing any possible threat. Then I pushed the FBI panic button again and again, to signal the urgency of the situation and make it easy for them to find me on their computer screen.
A uniformed policeman who had just come out of the door looked at me and drew his gun as he hustled over to my car. By the time he got there I had my window down and was holding my FBI card up as I screamed, "Call for help, quick. And watch for a blue Toyota!" Then it all happened at once. The Toyota came up the street going the opposite direction from the way I had come, crossing in front of my car from left to right. A man was leaning out of the front passenger window with a funny-looking pistol in his hand. I ducked, unlatched the door with my left hand, and gave it a shove with my shoulder, just as he started to spray bullets in a diagonal line from my right front fender to the top of the windshield on the left side. So much glass was flying inside the car that it seemed the air was full of little chunks of it. My dive for safety took me out onto the pavement. I was on the ground, clutching my pistol, wondering what would happen next, when I heard tires screech and the Toyota came backing up for a return engagement.
I lay flat on the ground and looked under my front bumper, holding my pistol tight with both hands. Mentally, I was back in the batting cage with my father. The guy with the funny looking gun was obviously looking for me in the driver's seat, looking through and around the remains of my windshield. That kept him from seeing me down on the ground. He held his gun out straight, ready to blow my head off as soon as I looked up over the steering wheel. He was not quite directly ahead of my car when my line of sight gave me a pretty good view of his head, and I fired at his right temple. The angle was tricky and I was far from comfortable down under my car, but the range was only about ten feet so I had no trouble making the shot. His body straightened up a bit on the impact, and I got off a shot at his neck, just above the top of his breastbone. Then, as he lifted a little more and twisted to his right, he was facing straight toward me and I shot at the middle of his chest. By that time I was really exposed to him, and if he'd still been able to pull the trigger I'd have been just a blob on the pavement. But as his body was straightening up, his arms were relaxing and the gun in his hands was moving downward, so by the time I shot him in his chest the muzzle was already pointing down at the ground. As the Toyota continued to back up he slumped right down over the windowsill and his gun fell to the pavement.
One of my bullets, I think it was the second one, had gone through the gunman and shattered the windshield in front of the driver. He jerked, glanced quickly at his partner, and lurched into drive and laid some more rubber getting out of there. The sound of sirens was filling the air by then, and one sounded very close. Off to my right, where I couldn't see it, the Toyota ran head-on into a police car that was rounding a corner, and parts of cars flew everywhere, bouncing off buildings and clattering onto the street. I made myself as small as I could, looking around under the car and hoping there weren't any more bad guys coming to get me.