As the carriage sped toward the dark castle, I thought back on what had brought me here. And I wondered where Thomas was. I often thought about Thomas how we had been brought together.
My father was a wonderful man. He had been full of life, living everyday to the fullest. He was admired among his peers and the visiting ladies would giggle about him in the parlor. As an eight year old, I also remember how loving and kind he was. He taught me to ride and hunt. He bought me a racing cat. He taught me what it meant to be passionate about life. And he loved my mother so. When he died in a carriage accident, my mother mourned in almost solitude for months. And as an eight year I missed her deeply. It felt as though both my parents had died. But young children are adaptable. I learned to play alone and I learn about what my country home had to offer.
Mother was practical, though. She realized as a country lady she had the responsibility to her family name and estate. In the second summer after Father's death, she had dresses made that my young eyes thought made her look like a fairy queen. Then she took Stella, her personal maid and Jeffrey, the family solicitor and went off to London. She explained that the Manor needed a new Lord. She said no one could replace Father, but she would find a nice widow gentleman and he would be our new Lord. I knew Lord Dodson, who raised horses in the next valley. He was a stout, happy fellow who always had candy in his pocket. His wife had died. He had 3 sons. So I thought, this wouldn't be so bad. Other children to play with and a kindly man who brought me candy.
Mother was away for weeks and I missed her terribly. The new cook had a daughter, Nell, only 2 years older than I and we were fast becoming friends, so the time passed quickly. Soon the leaves started to turn and news arrived that Mother would be returning with a new Lord. Everyone was busy for weeks preparing. There was much speculation about this new Master of the house. Someone said he was a foreigner. Someone said he had murdered his wife and stolen her land. Even at 10, I knew not to believe all that the servants said. But it was not without trepidation that I waited on the front steps as Mother's best carriage arrived on a crisp, fall evening.
As the new Lord stepped out of the carriage, I was struck at first by his height. He was at least a hand taller than father had been. He was dressed all in black. He had a full head of hair, the color of my chestnut mare. As he turn to glance at the welcoming committee on the stairs, his eyes caught mine. He held them for but a moment. I was at once frightened and captivated. And then he turned away and helped my mother from the carriage. She looked radiant and very happy. I could not help myself and ran down the stairs to her arms. She bent to catch me and hugged me tightly to her.
She whispered in my ear, "I must introduce your new Lord dear". She pulled me away from her and I looked again at this tall man beside me. He was even more fighting and more devastating this close. "This is Lord of Heatherston, Thomas Michael Conner, the new Lord of Farrenhill."
The Lord bowed deeply and with a flourish. My 10 year old heart fluttered. He took my young hand and brought it to his lips. As he lightly kissed my hand our eyes met and I was lost. The spell was broken when Nell giggled from the steps. Thomas straightened and taking my mother's arm, led the way to the steps to meet the servants. My mother caught my hand with a squeeze and our new family was formed.
Thomas, as he insisted I call him in the house, was a very devoted step-father. Thomas had a manor in Ireland and I learned he was well thought of in the best houses of both London and Dublin. His first wife had died quite young in childbirth. He was 6 years my mother's senior, at 32. Every day, we would spend time together. Our first few months were getting to know one another. I learned that he was not at all like my father, but just as passionate about life. When my father would go riding, he would race off without warning, to take advantage of the day and perfect condition of the sod. Thomas would stop without warning and admire a view or a lovely bloom.
I liked being with Thomas, he treated me older than others did. He gave me more credit and started to instruct me in subjects I thought were reserved for the more mature young ladies. But I loved it. He insisted that I study each day. He hired a tutor from France to teach me mathematics and French. He encouraged my piano lessons, but not at the expense of my academic topics.
But somehow I felt the real training started the day his mother arrived. Lady Conner, or Lady Gwen, as we were allowed to call her, was a breathtakingly beauty. Her complexion was flawless, her hair the color of spun gold. She was accompanied by two young men; her personal attendants. She wore dresses of the old fashioned kind. Her waist was small, I thought I could reach around it with my small hands. Old Jeffrey was dumb struck. All during her visit, Jeffrey could be seen staring in her direction in a trance.
She and Thomas talked for hours on that first night. I could hear them in the music room long after I had been excused. Shortly thereafter, mother, Lady Gwen and I had a trip to a dress maker in Gloucester. He poked and prodded mother and I. He treated Lady Gwen like a queen. One week after our return to the manor, boxes and boxes arrived. It was as if Christmas had arrived early. Silks and satins of rich color and exotic design. And corsets. I had learned from Lady Gwen that her wonderfully thin waist was from a corset. I was excused from my regular study for the 4 weeks prior to Christmas to be instructed by Lady Gwen, in the fine art of wearing a corset and other "womanly" arts. My mother would sit and do needlework as Lady Gwen would tell stories of parties in London and Dublin. She would explain the proper way to behave and give examples of what happened to those that didn't. But, Lady Gwen seemed to appreciate the stories of the ladies that knew how to "play at others rules" and still be an original. At my advanced age of 12, I knew I wanted to be an original.
Mother planned a special party for just family. We all dressed in our finest. For mother, Lady Gwen and I that meant our newest dresses; all with a lovely corset underneath. Thomas was beaming as we came down the main stair. He escorted his mother to the table. But during dinner managed to make us each feel special. It was the happiest time in my young life.
Lady Gwen eventually went back to winter in Dublin. She promised to make a special effort to see my first season in London. At Farrenhill, we each got back to our routines. I continued my studies. Thomas always found time in his day to spend with me. Boxes would arrives from the dressmaker regularly. Thomas truly enjoyed our dressing in old fashioned dresses. He even bought a few for Nell. Nell was beside herself with pleasure as she tried them on for the first time. She said it was heavenly feeling the stays hold her upright and the laces being tightening. She thought Dugan, the stable lad, would trip over his tongue, if he saw her now. Everyone new Dugan was sweet on Nell. Nell and I would dress up and have tea on the terrace. I saw Thomas watching from the house. He seemed to enjoy seeing us play together.
One day, when I was 14, I saw Nell and Thomas, go into the house together. I was at the stable so it was sometime before I reached the house. I was a little upset that Thomas would be spending time with Nell and not me. I went to look for them. I finally heard Nell's giggles. I was really getting perturbed. I quietly approached the door. Nell had stopped giggling and I heard a slap. And another. It sounded like spanking. Oh, so Nell was getting punished. So there! I knew Thomas wouldn't rather spend time with Nell. I cracked the door open hoping to gloat later about my knowing she was in trouble. As I opened the door a crack, I saw Nell laying over Thomas's lap. Thomas was surely spanking her bare bottom. He seemed to be concentrating, but did not look angry. I didn't understand the look I saw in his eyes. And Nell didn't look like she was suffering. She looked like she did when she ate her mother's apple tarts. As I finally took the entire scene, I had to quickly turn away. I found I was breathing heavily and my stomach had a new tight warm feeling I didn't recognize. I couldn't understand that I might have liked what I was watching. But I couldn't get that image or the look on Thomas' face out of my mind.
When I was 16, my life changed very suddenly. Mother came down with influenza and died quite quickly. The whole house went into mourning and suddenly I was Lady of the Manor. After a brief and deep period of mourning, Thomas tried to return to some semblance of normal life. His first move was to change my schedule of classes. As I was now Lady of the Manor, my training shifted to household matters. He had me spend time with each senior member of the staff. I was under their tutelage and also their helper. In 6 months I never had a moment to contemplate my mother's death. As the months wore on, Thomas started taking more and more interest in my training as well. He talked to me about the executive matters of the manor. And eventually of topics my mother would have taught me. Choosing wine, selecting cigars and other topics for entertaining possible suitors and showing the proper interests to a prospective husband.
At the age of 16 I had started to dine with the adults. It was now usually just Thomas and I. I had noticed that Thomas was drinking more with dinner and seemed to use more brandy from the library, but it was only bad when something would remind him of Mother. To try to cheer him up one night, I wore one of his favorite corseted dresses. This only made him more sullen and he hardly looked at me all dinner. The next day he apologized and told me how sweet it was for me to dress for him.
I continued my training with the staff and with Thomas. When I was 17 we started to plan for my first season in London. Thomas spent the summer teaching me the proper may to choose servants and my future husband's mistresses. I had known that many husbands, especially members of the ton, had mistresses. It was only proper for a husband to take on mistress to relieve his wife of "those" duties. I really didn't know exactly what was meant, but I was beginning to discover it. One summer day, I had gotten caught behind the barn with Dugan's younger brother. We had a quick kiss, and it was OK but nothing special as near as I could tell.
That fall I had the pleasure of choosing 3 new upstairs maids. Nell's mother and the head housekeeper helped to be sure I didn't bungle it (as they would be responsible to train them). I did very well they thought. I chose one young girl (actually my same age) with Thomas in mind. After 7 years of watching Thomas, I knew what he liked in a women, in particularly a woman that he might take upstairs. Jenny was just his type. Bright carrot red hair. A plump but young and lively figure. Smiling eyes. And a round full bottom.
As to Thomas' approval, I was sure of that soon enough. It made my heart light to see Thomas tease the new maid. I knew she was to his liking. One day as I wandered by Thomas' upstairs study, I heard Jenny's soft laughter. I thought again of the day I had seen Nell with Thomas. The warmth in my stomach fluttered. I heard the familiar sound of spanking and Jenny's laughter stopped. Without thinking, I was at the door and stealing it open. Expecting to see Jenny over Thomas lap, her ivory bottom, pink from the spanking, I was shocked to see her bent over the desk, her skirts up around her torso. As I took in the scene, I saw Thomas. He was approaching her from behind, his trousers open, his fully aroused manhood held in his hand. He came up from behind Jenny and as he entered her, I saw the look of ecstasy in Jenny's eyes and heard her moan. I looked up to see the look in Thomas' eyes. I was enthralled by what I saw there and knew I wanted a man to feel that way about me. I wanted to feel what Jenny felt. My breathing was coming fast and short as I turned away from the door.
