Sleeping up with the Ardashians

When John Boehner wandered onto the set of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, the cast all rushed over to greet him. Kim seemed to be especially impressed with the stern-faced republican speaker of the house.

"Aren't you the guy who's always on those political shows?" she asked in her trademark clueless and whiny voice.

Her mother, Kris Jenner, was quick to cut in.

"Honey, this is John Boehner, he's the man who's saving the country from that horrible universal health care."

"Ooooh... I remember now... you hate Obama, don't you." Kim continued.

House Speaker Boehner stood erectly in front of the reality TV star and spoke in a deep and authoritative voice.

"Well, I don't like some of the things he stands for." Boehner replied, before giving her a tight smile.

"Yeah, we're against liberals too!" Kim pronounced before turning and sticking out her balloon-like behind, "By the way, what do you think of my ass?"

Boehner eyed the sizable butt and seemed to become somewhat aroused and nervous.

"It, ah, seems to be all in order." he replied clearing his throat.

Just then Kim's step-father, Bruce Jenner, pushed his way in between them. Fresh from his latest "augmentation" operation, Bruce was now sporting his newly smoothed down adams apple and long girly hair. Obviously impressed with the powerful Washington politician, he couldn't help but gush.

"Mr. Boehner, sir, let me welcome you to our home. Can I get you a refreshment? A Pink Lady perhaps?"

Boehner seemed to be startled by Jenner's appearance, but managed to recover enough to politely decline the offer. At this point Kim forcibly seized the Speakers hand and began to pull him away.

"Come here John, I want to show you my room." she announced.

Boehner tried to maintain his decorum, but his eyes were noticeably glued to Kim's bouncing rump as he allowed himself to be led away.

"That bitch!" Bruce Jenner protested as they disappeared around the corner, "Who the hell does she think she is!"

"The star of the show, dear!" Kris Jenner shot back smugly.

When Kim got Boehner upstairs to her room she sat him down at her vanity and started to size up his hair. She then decided it needed to be re-styled.

"You know you really need to use more mousse." she assessed with a finger over her full, exotic lips.

"Well I don't really think..." Boehner started.

Then Kim moved in and began to run her hands through his neatly side-parted hair. She pushed her breasts against the back of his head as she mussed his hairdo with more vigor.

"I like a guy that lets me groom him." she stated nasally.

Boehner smiled in discomfort, and his discomfort grew even more intense as Kim moved around and sat down on his lap. She put her arm around his shoulder and shifted her ass from side to side. Boehner's body went rigid and his grim face lost composure.

"So you said you liked my ass?" she questioned, "Can you believe I just had a baby!"

"Ah, yes, I mean, no." Boehner responded shakily.

"Hmmm, is it my imagination or is there something rising down there?" she said looking down at his groin.

"I ah, always was attracted to Mexican girls." he blurted.

"Oh, I'm not Mexican, I'm middle eastern." she corrected.

"You don't say." he replied squirming, "Whereabouts exactly?"

"In the middle, silly!" she chastised.

Boehner's hard on was real and serious now and he decided he didn't give a damn where she was from, he just wanted to get his dick deep in between those fat, round butt cheeks of hers and show her what active government was all about.

"You know I'd really like to see this beautiful body of yours without all these silly clothes." he suggested.

"I know, even Kanye says my ass looks better naked."

She got up off of him and walked to the side of the bed. Then in a single motion she pulled her spandex pants down to her ankles. All that was left to see at that point were her huge, rippling ass cheeks with the remnants of a G-string they had swallowed up somewhere in between. She put her hands on her knees and started shaking her ass until it was twirking forcefully. Boehner watched in amazement as the two huge globes of her ass collided in rhythm. His smile developed a maniacal twist as she yanked the G-string off and threw it back at him. He sniffed at it without taking his eyes off her bouncing behind.

"Those cameras aren't going to burst in here, are they?" he asked.

"Don't worry, they're on break." she assured him.

Kim stood up and removed her shirt and bra and then sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Why don't you come here and show me your boner, Mr. Boehner." she proposed.

Boehner stood up and walked over to her trying to project an air of manly authority. He licked his lips as he stared down at her brown-nippled milk-swollen tits. Then he undid his belt and let his pants fall away. Kim then impatiently tugged his boxer shorts down and with them most of his worldly power because she now found herself confronted by one of the smallest erect penises she had ever seen!

"Oh wow, no wonder you hate black guys!" she exclaimed.

Boehner's eyes became huge with fury.

"Oh yeah," he fumed, "Come here you little Arab bitch! I'll show you what a real fuck is like!"

Kim tried to crawl away over the bed, but Boehner seized her from behind and forced his little missile into what he thought was her vagina.

"How do you like that!" he panted as he humped away at her mindlessly.

Boehner then reached under and took both of her swollen tits in his hands and squeezed them until they ejaculated their milky contents.

"Ooohh, I love to have my big titties squeezed hard!" she moaned.

Boehner was surprised at how tight and muscular her pussy was as he felt the walls squeezing against his member quite firmly.

"Oh yeah! Hit it hard, Johnny!" she shouted as he continued to doggy hump her dark, exotic hole like a man possessed.

But then Boehner felt a resistance building against his dick from the inside. Then there was the loud, sharp report of a fart! Boehner looked down and saw that his little dagger had been forcibly ejected from Kim's anus and was now hanging there semi-flaccid and defeated.

"Soooorry!" she apologized.

Boehner tried to get it to rise again but the moment had passed. Then a thought crossed his mind. Did the fact that he had just engaged in anal sex make him gay? Boehner fell down onto the bed in doubt and exhaustion, but Kim had other plans. She swung around and sat her ass down onto his stoic, capitol hill face and smothered him against his muffled objections. Then she took his tiny dick between her fore finger and thumb and began to stroke. She involuntarily farted several more times and she wasn't sure whether the muffled moans she heard from Boehner were ones of pleasure or disgust, but his little dickie seemed to be responding quite well between her fingers. Soon he was at full extension and then squirting into her palm. His body shook and trembled beneath her and then it was over.

When they went back downstairs, Boehner was visibly disheveled. When Bruce Jenner noticed Boehner's wild hair and the strong scent of poon he flew into a rage.

"You little slut!" he screamed to Kim, "You had to have him all to yourself, didn't you!"

"This is my show, Bruce!" Kim fired back, "It's not Keeping Up With The Jenners!"

With this, Bruce hauled back and landed a slap on Kim's face. Kim swung back and then got a handful of Bruce's new girl hair in her fist. She pulled his head down and they both tumbled to the ground as the cameras moved in. Then Kris went chola and jumped on Bruce's back and Khloe began kicking him savagely in whatever testicles he had left. When it was done Bruce Jenner lay on the kitchen floor in nothing but his underwear, battered and crying. Boehner barely escaped the melee himself, and before slinking off, threatened the director with a lawsuit if he even mentioned his name on the show.

A few days later an unmarked government car drove up to the Kardashian home. Kim walked out to meet it carrying what looked to be a DVD case. She got into the back of the car and sat next to a suited man in sunglasses.

"Here's the video." she said, milking the intrigue and glamor of the situation fully.

The suited man took the case and thanked her.

A month after this it was announced that the Jenners were getting divorced and that the show was being canceled. And no one was too surprised when Bruce Jenner confirmed his plans to run away and marry the show's executive producer, Ryan Seacrest. But the real bomb landed when the John Boehner sodomy video surfaced in Washington. As it turned out Kim had recorded the entire encounter with Boehner from her hidden vanity cam. Subsequently, Boehner was forced to resign in disgrace and Washington was freed from congressional gridlock by special interests for a while, but the real story became Kim's new Washington based reality series, Kasdashians In Kongress. Now the marriage of Hollywood and Washington was complete and the country would be entertained instead of bored to tears by all those disquieting social issues.

Had the whole thing been a conspiracy? Only Obama knows.