Celebrities are kidnapped by Somali pirates while celebrating National Nude Day.
In a press stunt gone wrong, celebrities are kidnapped by Somali pirates aboard a yacht while celebrating National Nude Day.
Hi, I'm Saul Lipski. I'm a talent agent out of Hollywood. I used to be big before I got old, but now, at 65-years-old, I'm in the twilight of my career.
This ever evolving, new computer technology is way over my head and I don't have the time, the energy, and the interest to learn any more of it than I already know. After clients complained they could never reach me, I only got a cell phone a few years ago, when Demi Moore bought me one for my birthday. No longer having the support staff I used to have to screen my calls and take messages, my clients not reaching me was a bad thing for them, but a good thing for me. At least I could keep a thought in my head without being forever attached to a phone, as are so many of the other agents in this hectic, blood sucking business.
With blue tooth devices mounted to each ear that made them look like Spock impersonators at a Star Trek convention, the way that some of my fellow agents are so attuned to technological advances, they must have a computer chip implanted in their brain and a satellite dish imbedded in their ass. That's no way to live, forever tied to the Internet and the phone. Now with hands free Blue Tooth, there's no where to hide. Not even your car is the sacred escape it once was.
"Sorry, but Mr. Lipski is unreachable. He's on the road," would answer my secretary when I wanted to get a head start on a long weekend. Those were the days. Now, it's constant stress and continual aggravation from the oh so self-important, self-absorbed celebrities, who demand the attention that they no longer receive and no longer deserve, many of which have expired their 15 minutes of fame, so much like a parking meter, years ago.
I've been doing this for too long. I no longer possess the patient understanding that I used to have. Tired of coddling celebrities, I'm ready to retire, but this being Hollywood, tinsel town, I need to go out with a bang instead of a whimper. Much like a great magician on stage, I need a big production before I take my final bow and do my disappearing act. I want people to remember who I was, Saul Lipski, talent agent extraordinaire. I want to retire while still at the top instead of languishing at the bottom.
Only, for me to do that, I'd have to climb my way back up to the top, not an easy thing to do at my age and with my meager client base. A Leo the lion, it's a pride thing with me, especially after being part of the high profile, celebrity scene for too long where fairytales mingle with every day life and eventually morph into surrealistic realism. After a while, those in the entertainment business, whether they are an actor or an agent, have difficulty discerning between fantasy and reality and fiction and fact. After a while we all tend to believe our own press releases, which is why so many of us are crushed by one bad review in Variety.
I'm a specialty agent in the fact that I only handle and represent women. It's not that I dislike men, I like women. Women give me the motivation that I need to succeed where other agents have failed them. Yeah, I'm the guy they eventually all sign with to get their careers back on track.
From the time I hung my first posters in my room of Mae West, Greta Garbor, Jean Harlow, and Caroll Baker, I knew my destiny was to work in the industry. Only, I thought I was going to be an actor. Watching every Oscar ceremony since I was a kid, I thought I was going to be a star. I never dreamt I'd be a blood sucking agent fighting producers for every dollar while representing washed up talent who were too drunk or high to make their contractual appearances.
Most times, I enjoy representing women because I can coddle and romance them, whereas men would see right through my game of insincere bullshit. Men would never put up with my nonsense in the way that I can get women to eat out of my hand with just a kind word, a compliment, spending some time with them, taking them to lunch, giving them some intimate attention, and paying them some well chosen flattery.
Don't get me wrong, I'm legitimate and above board in my business, as well as with my personal relationships and the respect that I have for women is unquestioned, that is, except for Christie Brinkley. I hate the bitch. My reputation is beyond reproach.
I used to handle some of the biggest names in Hollywood and I still do; only they aren't as big anymore. Many of the celebrities that I represent are old like me and have fallen out of favor, especially with the younger crowd, some who don't even know who they are or once were. It's sad to be so famous, so idolized, and then to be so forgotten.
Today with everything moving so fast and with everyone plugged in and hooked up to digitized pixels, it's wrong to be ancient history so soon and replaced by a YouTube video or a video game character brought to life on the big, flat screen, high definition television in full animation, just to sell toys. With cell phones, Blackberries, Sirius XM radio, HD TV, Facebook, Twittering, Skyping, LinkedIn, Wi-Fi, YouTube, Digg, MySpace, Flicker, Movatype, and Engadget, much like me, the movie stars of old can't compete with and stay abreast of all the new technology. The movie stars of old, the sixties and the seventies, not even that far back, are dinosaurs.