Why I Cheated

It was the best sex I have ever had in my life. I cheated, I cheated, and I cheated. So what? If she didn't beat on me the way she did I probably wouldn't have. If she didn't emasculate and demean me all the time, I would have avoided the circumstances that led me to cheat. If she made an effort to improve the frequency and quality of our sexual relationship, I would not have been so hard up (no pun intended). So I blame her for my behavior.

That is dead wrong. I cheated and I was responsible for my poor judgment and actions. As I live daily with the guilt, I wonder why I feel guilty. I have been romantic, emotionally intimate and honest with her about our situation. But she still won't budge. If she does not want to have sex, we are not having sex. Beyond the physical aspects, there is an emotional and psychological impact as well. I started to second guess myself. Was I really as good of a man as I thought I was? Is she attracted to me anymore? Is she cheating? Am I terrible in bed? What is it? Why?

I finally gave up. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what I needed to do to be intimate with my girlfriend. From my perspective, she didn't care or wasn't even willing to compromise. Then I made a conscious decision to disrespect her, our relationship and myself. I put myself in a situation that was questionable at best. The woman and I both knew we had a strong sexual attraction to each other. We should never have been in the same room together alone. All those years of working in the same building and we had been so good about not crossing that line. But one late night in my office changed me forever. I was no longer a perfect little angel and I was glad to not be.

I missed the passion, the softness of a female body, the fire that flowed through my veins. Maybe it was the excitement of possibly getting caught and the thrill of physically connecting with another spirit that drove me to cheat.

I was working late, trying to stay ahead on my work. Flora and I had worked together for quite a few years now. She was a wonderful, hard- working, sweet and considerate woman. She was well built with long natural black hair, flawless brown skin and ample curves in all the right places. One of the things I loved about her was her dazzling smile. It could make you want to worship the ground she walked on.

I had just finished grading my last paper when she stood at my office door. She wore a red silk blouse and a black fitted skirt that accentuated her figure. The sheer black panty hose on her toned legs made my lower regions stand at attention. She was truly beautiful: inside and out.

"Done for the night, Sam?"

"I think so. What about you?"

"Not quite." She closed the door and gave me a seductive smile. She sashayed over to my desk and slowly moved around it until she was standing right next to my chair.

"Tonight's the night," she whispered. I had no idea what she was talking about. "I can't deny my feelings for you any longer." She began to slowly rub her hand up and down my back.

"Flora, you know I am in a relationship. Even though it may not be the best, I still need to respect it."

"Sam, I am not asking you to marry me. All I am asking is that for one night, one hour even, you admit to the mutual feelings we have for each other and act on them." So what am I supposed to do? Kick her out of the office? Things with the lady were not going well and she certainly had no interest in touching me. Flora, the beautiful, educated woman in front of me, a woman who I have known for years is openly expressing her feelings for me and wants to do something about it. What's a brother to do?

"What about tomorrow?" I asked.

"What about it?"

"Will we still be friends?"

"Sam, I will always be your friend." Then she gave me that smile again. Only this time it was more seductive. My body screamed "YES!" but my mind weakly whispered "No." My heart wanted to embrace this moment in time with Flora.

"How do you want to do this?"

"Relax and let me handle everything." Flora continued rubbing my back and then moved to my shoulders as I stared into her deep brown eyes. She took a step back and began to unbutton her blouse. She used her pantyhose covered leg to part my knees so she could stand between them. She smiled at my arousal. "Your mouth may say no, but your body is telling me "HELL YES!"

She dropped the blouse on the desk and slowly leaned toward me, teasing me with her body. Her body was a work of art. Covered by the thin layer of a silk bra, her breasts were firm with large nipples that displayed Flora's arousal as well. "I'll take it easy on you. Promise." Flora's low sensual voice and mischievous smile were enough to bring any man to his knees. My feelings of guilt left and thoughts of good fortune took center stage.

Our lips met and it was paradise. Her lips were so soft and full. The way she parted them and eased her tongue into my mouth was amazing. She slowly backed away from me, stood up and unzipped her skirt. She turned around and bent over with her glorious behind exposed with the exception of a black thong. Tight, flawless brown skin over two large cheeks that would put Nicki Minaj to shame was less than two feet away from my face. With her back still to me, she gazed at me over her right shoulder.

She witnessed my appreciation and awe. She faced me and stood with her legs slightly apart. The thigh high panty hose and thong turned me on beyond belief. At that moment, I forgot I was in a relationship. I was Flora's and Flora was mine.She propped one leg on the desk and slowly rubbed her pantyhose from ankle to thigh.

"You like that?" she cooed. I could only manage to nod my head. "I knew you were a freak." We both laughed. I pulled Flora closer to me and ran my hands over backside as she giggled. I stood up and kissed her again. This time with all the passion that had been pent up for all those years. My hands roamed freely over her body. Flora pressed herself against me to feel the hardness of my manhood. "My, my, my...." she whispered. She began rubbing and stroking me. I was in ecstasy and surprised I didn't lose my composure at that moment.

"I want you. NOW!" Flora demanded. She undid my belt, pulled down my zipper and freed my throbbing erection. She then dropped to her knees, rubbed my hardness against her face and soft cheeks. She flicked her tongue against the head and took me into her mouth. A sigh of pleasure escaped my lips. Simultaneously, she pulled down my boxers and pants. She continued pleasing me as she rhythmically massaged my legs and behind.

It was time for us to connect. I had already crossed the point of no return. I was cheating and loving every minute of it. Flora pushed me back into the chair, still holding me in her mouth. She released me and then straddled my lap.

"You are such a beautiful woman. I love you." The words shot from my heart and out of my mouth before I could stop them. Flora stood still and gazed deeply into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Tears welled up in her eyes and she kissed me hungrily.

"I have always loved you Sam. Always will." She continued to kiss me as she pushed the crotch of her thong to the side, exposing her delicate flower. She stroked me and slowly lowered herself onto me, inch by inch.

"AHH!" A stifled scream escaped her lips. She moved slowly at first, and then increased her rhythm. She felt heavenly. Her sex contracted and tightened around my manhood. We continued kissing as her rhythm became faster and faster. She broke our kiss to scream again. I felt the rapid tightening and approaching orgasm. Her body shuddered and a warm release of liquid dripped down my penis. Her orgasm brought me closer to mine. She continued riding me at an intense speed. I exploded holding tight to Flora. She draped her arms over my shoulders and rested her head on her left arm.

We caught our breath and calmed down. I made a decision. "Flora, I will leave her. I want to be with you. We can finally be happy together."

"Sam, I love you too. But it's too late for us. I got a job in Brazil."

"BRAZIL?" She laughed and continued.

"The University of Brazil wants me to be their academic dean. This is the opportunity of a lifetime." She was right. And even though I was supposedly in love with someone else, my heart sank and tears fell. Flora wiped and kissed away my tears. "Sam, you are such a wonderful, brilliant, handsome and kind man. Please don't settle for less than you deserve." We kissed one last time. She dressed quickly and left my office for the last time.

So I cheated. And I would have left my now ex-girlfriend for her in a heartbeat. But it turns out the one I truly loved left me. Even though I thought I had won by cheating, I lost in more way than one. Flora was gone and Tanya knew I had cheated before I walked through the door. I got the beatdown of a lifetime. I finally left Tanya. Although I was wrong for cheating, I did not deserve to get beaten for any reason. I cheated and my life is better because I did.

So let me answer the question. Why did I cheat? Revenge? Spite? Neglect? Yes to all of the above. I believed that I was allowed to make a choice that could hurt someone who was always hurting me. Yes I know it was immature and wrong. Instead of taking the high road and dealing with my relationship issues head on, I chose to step out and be disrespectful. I take full responsibility for that selfish act. But for once, I put my needs before the needs of everyone else. If I had not, I would have missed the opportunity to have sex with the love of my life. Don't I deserve to be happy?