"John, I'll see you at home later, I have to run or I'll miss my train." I look up at the clock as I stuff some papers into a folder and jam the folder into my bag.
"Don't forget my plane won't be in until 10:15, I'll be home as soon as I can." The deep rumble of your voice courses through me as I know what your tone means . . . you are already thinking about us being together.
"I won't, I can't wait to see you tonight."
I sigh, "next time you're gone for a week you need to take me with you. I have missed you too much."
A warm chuckle comes over the line, "glad to know I was missed. I'll make it up to you."
"Hmmmm . . . you better take a nap on the plane then." I am surprised by how raspy my voice has become.
I lick my dry lips, "I'll be waiting."
The last thing I hear is your laugh as I hang up the phone. I grab my jacket and bag and hurry through the office, locking doors on my way out. As I push the outside door, the wind whips it open and I am blasted by the chilly fall wind. The sun is low and the shadows on the street have lengthened out in acknowledgment of the coming of night. Battling the wind I finally get the door secured and make my way up the street toward the subway station, the wind whipping long strands of brown hair into my face.
Still holding onto the subtle excitement, both emotional and physical, of hearing your voice, I smile and quicken my pace. As I rush down the stairs into the station I notice the train still has a few minutes before it reaches this stop. Pulling out my pass I run it over the sensor and the stile doors click open. As I make it down the final set of stairs, I notice the lights from the train illuminating the turn in the tunnel. Relieved that I have not missed the train as usual, I take my place on the platform.
As I shuffle with the evening crowd onto the train a smile lingers on my lips. Holding on to the cold steel hand hold, I brace for the lurch of the car as it pulls out of the station; my mind already at home thinking of how I can welcome you back. I feel a tug of sensation between my legs and warmth that has nothing to do with the train car being too full. My body hums at the thought of seeing you again, of feeling your touch. My skin feels hungry.
A little embarrassed to notice my breathing has become shallow, I look around the car taking in the people sharing this ride. I wonder absently what they are returning home to tonight. I see a teenage boy, buds in his ear, eyeing a young woman a few feet away. Following the direction of his gaze I notice that her bag has caught on the hem of her skirt and pulled the fabric up her thigh, some lace showing from her stockings on the thigh. I try to hide my grin, thinking about what the teenager is likely to do with the memory of that scene later.
That line of thinking reminds me of what you and I talked about last night and I feel my face flush. Feel the warmth spread from between my legs up to my chest, surprised to feel my nipples tighten.
Get a grip,
I think to myself.I'm a grown women, not a hormone crazed adolescent. John will be home tonight,I remind myself,
and then you won't need to fantasize about his touch in a subway car.
I shake my head as if trying to change the direction of my thoughts through the movement. A sigh escapes me as I tighten my grip on the hand hold. Two more stops and I hurry from the subway car with a few others and climb the stairs, up through the stiles, and up to the street. The chill in the fall air, intensified by the setting of the sun, encourages me to move faster. Pulling my keys from my jacket pocket, I make for the parking garage, passing your car which has been parked there since Monday. I smile as I turn back to your car and run my hand over the smooth black finish. There is something comforting about the reminder that your car will be in our garage later tonight.
Shaking my head again, I move on to my own vehicle, and then make my way home. Greeted by Albert, our small orange cat you named after Einstein, when I finally make it into the house I feel myself begin to relax. After setting my bag down on the chair by the door and shrugging out of my jacket, I reach down and pick up the warm ball of fur. "Well hello there Albert." I scratch behind his ears as I make my way further into the house. He purrs and settles against me as I cradle him to my chest.
I find myself humming as I drop Albert on the bed, pull off my work clothes, and change into a t-shirt and grey sweats; my after work fall "uniform." Petting Albert as I pass the bed, I grab the laundry hamper and head toward the kitchen, stopping to start a load before going to make my dinner. Grilled cheese and tomato soup, the perfect comfort food after a long week. As I sit down in your beat-up recliner with a bowl of soup on one knee and a sandwich on the other, I run my hand over the worn arm of the chair. I turn on the TV to my favorite channel and settle back to watch as I eat. A sense of calm and happiness settling over me as I snuggle deeper into your chair.
When the washer buzzes I dump my empty bowl in the sink as I head back to the hall laundry room to transfer clothes to the dryer and put in the next load. Following my stop in the laundry room I make my way to our bedroom, strip the bed and put clean sheets on, smiling as I stuff your pillow into the clean case. I hug it briefly to me before putting it in its proper place. Your car, your chair, your pillow are all tactile reminders of you and a laugh out loud when I realize I have been caressing these items today as I wait for your return. "Oh brother," I say out loud, "you have it bad."
After finishing with the bed, I head back to your chair and climb back in. As I settle in to watch a little more TV, I find myself yawning. My last thought before dozing off is that I wish it was you I was snuggling into and not your chair.