Quasi On Mt Olympus

This story follows Quasi's Valentiine and Quasi in Hades.

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It was a long, lonely drive home. When I had driven out, I had been with the love of my life, Gloria. We were heading to her sister's wedding, where I was going to meet her family for the first time. We were in love.

At least I was.

I'd never really been in love before. At least not since Junior year in high school, when a chemistry experiment had exploded in my face. Since then, girls, boys, women, men, dogs and probably even alligators, run away screaming, when they see my face. Strangely, cats seem to be attracted to me. Go figure.

Gloria had been different. Sure, she screamed and slammed the door in my face the first time she saw me, but later, when she got to know me, she said my scars really weren't that bad. That surprised me, because I had to look at them whenever I passed a mirror, and I think they really are that bad. Worse than that bad.

But then a miracle happened. Gloria said she loved me. She held me, kissed me, and eventually took me to her bed. I had given up all hope of ever losing my virginity, but Gloria stripped it away and came back for more. For a year and a half, my life was paradise.

I had Gloria.

Then I met her parents and her sister, Judy. Oh, they were nice to me. They did a good job of acting like my face wasn't hamburger meat. They managed to even eat dinner with me at the table. Believe me, that was a major accomplishment. Walter and Rose Madden were very kind to me.

Judy, Gloria's sister? The best I can say is that she tried. But she couldn't help cringing whenever she saw me, and I think she had as much food on her plate at the end of the meal as she did in the beginning. She'd shoved it around the plate a lot but had excused herself before really taking a bite.

Of course, that didn't matter. Gloria loved me, and with her love I could take on the world. No one else mattered when she held me in her arms. I was loved. I WAS LOVED.

Then I overheard her sister talking to her. Judy didn't want my ugly face in her wedding pictures. It would ruin them, and she wouldn't be able to ever show them to anyone. At first Gloria stood up for me and my heart soared, hearing her expound our love.

Then Judy started reciting the times when Gloria had postured as a caring person in order to get attention, in order to be admired as such a loving person. A blind girl who she had "given up her own play time" to shepherd around, only to drop her when the attention lapse. Or the wheelchair boy she had taken to prom but never dated again.

I knew, deep down inside me where my insecurities dwell, I knew just like Judy did, that a girl as beautiful as Gloria could never love a freak like me. I had always known, feared, that something was off and now I knew. I thought of the attention we'd gotten on campus, the people who wondered aloud what she was doing with me, and her telling her friend how she was the lucky one because I was with her.

Me, Quasimodo, Scar-all. Hamburger Face. The Freak. She was lucky to have me so people could admire what a truly deep and caring person she was, able to see past the scars.

I ran. I packed my bags, told her father that my mother had an emergency, and drove home. I couldn't breathe. I had to constantly pull off the road and wait until the tears stopped. I cried, thinking how I had believed I was loved.

Who could ever love me? How stupid was I?

During the drive I indulged in a flood of self-pity like I had never done before. I pulled up each one of my fears and insecurities and found that Gloria had played or rather preyed on each one. I was that pitiful, I now recognized.

As I pulled into the driveway, my mother came running out of the house, her face showing her distress. "What happened? Why did you leave? Gloria's been calling and calling. She said I had an emergency. What's going on?"

I knew my mother was going to be hurt by this. She loved Gloria, maybe as much as I did. She never thought that her son would have a woman in his life, especially one as beautiful, graceful and intelligent as Gloria Madden. I think she could have burned down the church lighting candles, giving thanks for her son's happiness.

When I told her what had happened, she refused to believe it. She insisted that Gloria wasn't that way, that the girl really loved me. I could see that my mother thought the dream was slipping away and I couldn't convince her that that dream was just another nightmare in my life of horror.

I tried to explain it better, but I couldn't. Now, at home, in my mother's arms, I broke down. I sobbed. I wailed. I cried. I was broken; brokenhearted.

Mom tried to get me to talk to Gloria when she called. I wouldn't get on the phone. My mother told her what I had overheard and told me that Gloria said that it wasn't like that; that she loved me. My mother said that Gloria was crying, that I had broken her heart.

My mother didn't want to let go of the dream. She wanted to believe. I locked the door to my room and ignored her, my phone, and the world at large.

I ended up staying at my friend Bruno's cabin until school began, because my mother wouldn't let it go, and Gloria started trying to corner me. It made me angry, her crying and wailing at me in public. I had always tried to avoid attention so people would leave me alone. So, kids won't throw rocks at me. So, women wouldn't have their boyfriends chase me away.

Now I had to run away to avoid Gloria, and the questions people shouted at the monster, "Hey, what did you do to that girl?"

Why couldn't she leave me alone?

When classes started back up for our senior year, I changed my course load. We had planned to take several classes together, but I dropped those and changed to night classes. I changed any class that I knew would put us in the same vicinity. I did everything I could to avoid crossing paths with her.

And I was successful, and Gloria finally got the message. On the rare occasions when we saw each other, I would hurry away and after the first few weeks of school, she gave up the attempt to follow me. I don't know if she stopped talking to my mother, but Mom stopped mentioning her. I felt bad because I knew Mom was crying in her room again, like she did when I first got burned. I knew my life broke her heart, but she had been coming to terms with it when Gloria came into our lives and gave us both hope again. Now, she was as heartbroken as I was. I think this destroyed Mom more than the destruction of my face had. It hurt my soul to hear her sobbing quietly in the night.

Damn Gloria. I hated the woman.

But at night, in the dark, when I can forget my face, I remember having her in my bed, in my arms. I remember her kisses, her caresses, and the loving. And I would have to fight back the tears. I'd never cried much before, not about my loneliness. I'd just accepted that I would be unloved, that I would never have someone to love and to love me.

But now I knew just what I would never have again, and I would lie in the dark and think about just ending it. What was I living for? What future did I have? Why should I continue to exist?

Of course, I couldn't do that to my poor mother. I think she suffered more from my life than I did. She was the one person I loved and who would always love me.

Things settled down to a quiet life of misery for me. I was pretty much shunned at school, but not much worse than I was before Gloria. The Pi Phi Pi fraternity seemed cooler to me than before, but that might be because no one needed me to tutor them anymore. I stopped going to the frat after I was attacked there by a goddess.

Penelope. She was the goddess, a figure of physical perfection and a caring creature. I had worshipped at her altar my first two years of college, after she had touched my cheek when she first met me. She was the first girl, the first person other than Mom and my doctors, who had ever voluntarily touched my face. Just to be around this goddess, I had done things I regretted while doing them. I would have sold my soul just to bask in her aura.

When I allowed myself to fall in love with Gloria, Penelope had receded into the background, an unimportant piece of the landscape. Ever a goddess, don't get me wrong, but not one I was interested in. After Gloria, my interest had not returned. I think I was through with women, goddesses or not.

Oh, and Pen was Gloria's roommate.

I was moping around the Pi Phi house, pretty much ignored by everyone, when I was accosted by Penelope. "Here you are!" she said icily. "I thought you were a good guy. I felt sorry for you and the things you've gone through." She stood over me, hands on her hips. "I would think that your misfortunes would have made you a caring person, but you are just an asshole, aren't you? How could you hurt Gloria like that? She loved you, asshole."

I was embarrassed, with everyone looking at me, and others coming into the room to see what the commotion was. I was mumbling, "No she didn't. She was just..." when Penelope jumped down my throat again.

"She did, you fucking jerk, although no one but her could understand why." She clenched her fists and trembled in anger. Suddenly, she burst and whacked me on the side of my head, so hard I fell sideways on the sofa.

She glared at me and pointed her finger at my face. "You going to regret hurting that girl the rest of your life." Her eyes flared in fury.

Then, she collapsed in tears and ran out of the frat.

I was dumbfounded.

"What did you do to her? What did you do?" my frat brothers were angry that I had hurt that celestial being, the woman of all their dreams. I just shook my head and left.

I never went back. From then on, I just existed in the shadows.

It was almost the end of the semester when I was accosted again. Things had settled down. I went to classes and went home. I avoided everyone. I was living in the shade, as my mother had feared when I had gone off to college. The fraternity had been my main source of contact with people, at least until Gloria. I had even gone to bars with them, mainly in hopes of seeing Penelope. Later, when I was with Gloria, I almost felt normal. With her, I could take on the world. We even went to restaurants together, something I never did.

I'd seen her a few times during the year, although I had arranged my schedule to keep us as separate as possible. She'd been with Pen a few times, or with some other girls, looking sad and miserable. Before, she'd always had a smile for everyone and seemed bursting with energy and exuberance. Now, she seemed subdued and drab.

Lately, since the spring semester had begun, I'd seen her twice with some guy. She looked happier with him. I'd see her smile when she was with him, although she was still not the person she was. I wanted her to be okay -- I didn't want her to hurt, although I'd swear that I hated her. I even felt jealous as she walked around campus with her arm around his waist and his around her shoulder.

I would remember how it felt to have that arm around waist, that hand holding mine. Then that angry voice in my head would sneer at how quickly she had replaced me.

I was in the grocery store, picking up supplies. I never ate out, unless I went through a drive-in. Some places, like pizza parlors, would deliver. Other than that, I had to learn to cook. I had to eat, and restaurants didn't seem to appreciate my patronage. I'd been turned away from half empty places because they were "full". My face didn't sell food.

So, I was shopping, keeping my face down to avoid scaring the kids, when someone stepped in front of me. I could see his shoes, so I tried to move around him.

But he countered, blocking my way. I looked up. It was that guy. Gloria's guy. I felt my heart sink. Was I going to have a fight at the grocery store? Did he think he was defending her honor? WTF, was all I could think. I'd left her alone. Had she sicced him on me?

"You're him, aren't you?" He poked my chest when he spoke. "Yeah, no one else could have that face." His voice was hard, purposely hurtful. I thought so; he wanted to offend me. He wanted to fight.

But he continued. "How could you do that to her? She's the most kindhearted person in the world and you... you fucking crushed her. She was the most joyful person ever, but now she's only a shadow of herself." He surprised me as his voice broke. "How could you do that? How could you hurt that gentle soul?"

I had no idea what was going on. I'd dropped my shopping basket and moved into a defensive posture, thinking he was going to swing on me. But here, he was almost crying. Really, WTF?

"I didn't do anything to her." I insisted. "She was just using me for attention, like that kid in high school."

"Kid in high school? You mean me?" He was staring at me like I was from Mars.

"No, the kid in the wheelchair. The one she dragged to prom." I corrected him.

"Yeah," he said, "That was me."

I looked at him. He was standing in front of me, not sitting in a chair. I looked down at his legs.

He huffed, exasperated. "I had a bone disease that destroyed my hip and kept me in a wheelchair in high school. They were finally able to replace it last year. I still have to wear braces until my muscles catch up." He pulled his pants leg up. I could see the bottom of the brace, where it went under his shoe. I then noticed he had an old-man cane, the kind that had multiple feet. He was leaning on it. Was he going to fight me? Seriously?

"And she didn't 'drag me to the prom.' I asked her to take me. Heck, I begged her to take me. I'd never been to a dance, and it was my last chance. Gloria never went to them, so I asked her to take me. She didn't want to, but I talked her into it." He was looking at me like I was stupid. How could I have known?

"Judy said that she only did it to get attention, that she never dated you again." I responded.

"JUDY? You listened to Judy?" He shook his head. "Look, I still have trouble standing too long. Why don't you buy me a coffee and I'll tell you all about our Princess Judy."

I left my basket of groceries there on the floor and we went next door to Starbuck's. On the way he introduced himself as Stan. He was a freshman. He hadn't wanted to attend college in a wheelchair, so he'd put it off. When they were able to operate on his hip, he couldn't wait to rejoin the world. He was three years behind his classmates but raring to catch up. This spring semester was his first college experience.

Once we were seated with the coffee, Stan began, "Our school was really small, so we had a combined Junior/Senior Prom. Judy was the Senior Class Prom Queen and was over the moon about it. The school paper always had a big feature on the prom queen and sometimes even the Town Crier paper would have a profile of our queen. Front page stuff in our small town. If there's one thing Judy loves, it's attention. She demands it. And everything has to be perfect, or she has a meltdown. I heard she was a real bridezilla at her wedding." He laughed.

I thought about how upset she had been at the thought of my ugly face in her wedding album. "I remember that she wanted everything 'picture perfect'." I recounted.

"Oh, yeah. Gloria told me how angry she was when the pictures came back," Stan chuckled.

What? I thought. I wasn't in any of the pictures. I couldn't have ruined them. Had they taken some candid shots before I'd left? "What do you mean? The pictures should have been fine."

"Oh, no. She's still really angry with Gloria." Stan was actually giggling.

"Why? Because of me?" I asked.

He looked at me like I was clueless. "No, because of Gloria. She was red-eyed and teary in every picture she was in, and Judy was upset that when people see the album, all they want to know is what was wrong with Gloria!" Now he laughed out loud. "It pisses her off every time. And she blames Gloria for stealing her spotlight, again."

"Again?"

"Yeah. At prom, the high school paper and the local newspaper took pictures of Gloria dancing with me in my chair and put us on the front page. Judy's bio was lost somewhere in the back. Both papers.

"Poor Gloria. She hates the attention and somehow, she always ends up in the spotlight. It's just that people recognize how special she is. But Judy still thinks Gloria does it on purpose." Stan shook his head sadly.

"Well, what about the blind girl? Judy said..." I began, but Stan stopped me.

"Said what? You can't believe anything she says." He paused for a moment. "Look, Gloria was only 10 and Gracie was her best friend. Gracie's mother trusted Gloria to watch out for her daughter, and Glory did. She took that responsibility seriously. I remember she wouldn't play with anyone unless Grace could be part of it. Someone told the paper, and they even had a story on it. But that's what caused the problems."

"What do you mean?" This sounded different than Judy's version of events.

"Well, people started noticing them after that. Then, ah, what happened was, someone kicked a ball and Glory stepped away to kick it back and Gracie kept walking, fell off a curb and cracked her elbow. Someone, probably at the hospital, reported it to Child Protective Services." He sighed. "The complaint was that the mother entrusted this poor, black, blind girl to some 10-year-old white girl's care. CPS threatened to take Gracie away from her family. Her mother ended up transferring her daughter to a school for the blind. Gloria blamed herself. She still calls and writes Gracie. They plan to be the godmothers of each other's children.

"Gloria never seeks attention. She hates it. It has always caused her problems. Judy's the attention whore. I'm surprised she didn't become a stripper just for the spotlight!" He laughed again at his own joke.

I'd stopped listening. What had I done? I had the perfect girl, who apparently loved me, and I had chased her away. Now Stan was back in her life. My eyes started to burn.

"I've got to go. Thanks for telling me all this." I rose up but stopped for a moment. "Tell Gloria I'm sorry. Tell her a hope she has a happy life." I hurried out of Starbuck's, bumping blindly into the people who were lined up to order.

I hated myself. I went back to my apartment and sat in the dark, berating myself for ruining my life. I tried to blame Judy; but I had eavesdropped on her. She hadn't known that I'd been listening. I even wanted to blame Gloria, but in my hurt pride I never talked to her. I'd been a coward who had run and had hurt her. Purposely. Determinedly. I had refused to even listen to her. I had wanted to hurt her.

I called Mom. She'd never believed anything bad about Gloria, and she yelled at me when I told her what Stan had said. When she finished crowing about how she'd been right, she said, "Carl, you've got to go to that girl. You've got to beg her to forgive you."

How I wished life was that simple. "I can't, Mom. I hurt her. I haven't seen her much this year, but I could see that her happiness was gone. She really did look shattered, but I wouldn't let myself see it. Now it's too late. She'll never forgive me, and I don't want to cause her any more pain."

"If she's sad because she misses you, why wouldn't you..." My mother encouraged me.

"Because, Mom, the last couple of times I've seen her, she was with Stan, and she looked..." I stopped, not trusting my voice. After a moment, I continued. "Happy, Mom. She looks happy now and I don't want... I don't want to upset her. She deserved to be happy."

"But," she tried again.

"No, Mom. No. I can tell Stan loves her and like I said, she looked happy with him. I want her to be happy." I began to choke up again. "I'm sorry, Mom. I just wanted to tell you... I've gotta go." I hung up and sat in the dark that evening,