I heard the door to my office creak open.
"Nice of you to knock," I said without looking up.
"I always do."
She doesn'tâand I don't mind, really. Daphne Carter, director of operations for our group. Nice lady. Vaguely reminds me of a sterner version of Tina Fey. She can really scare the shit out of people when she wants to. Day and night, the two sides of her.
"Don't you look nice today," I murmured, finally turning my eyes on her.
"Oh, you... I'm too old for that, hon," she said, smiling.
"You're only 40, and you look 30," I said.
"Pff... don't even tell me. Anywaysâwe have a situation," she said.
She came over and sat sideways on my desk, in her usual way, leaning towards me as if to share a particularly juicy piece of gossip. We traffic in thoseâthough they tend to be of a more serious sort.
Her hair was brushed into a feathery bell that day , and she was wearing her "battle dress," the one she uses for media appearancesâa severe black pants suit with a white blouse. There was a twinkle in her eye.
She leaned around to look at my computer monitor, just as I closed Facebook. It was a running joke.
"Well, well," she said, putting a pen in her teeth, shaking her head and making "tsk" sounds. I laughed.
"What now? Are people still picketing our caffeinated beer plant?"
"Oh, no. The cops cleared that up a couple hours ago. No, now we've got a chemical spill in Sicily."
"The hydrogen fuel-cell division?"
"No, the fashion studioâYES, the hydrogen-fuel cell division!" she said, snickering.
"Hah, is the cleanup crew on it yet?"
"Yeah, already on-site."
"So what's the problem?"
"Jack is pissed about this one. Might be some bad press. We've been trying to improve containment at those plants for ages. We need to talk to a lot of people."
"Here we go again," I sighed.
Well, you could see it coming. The genius who founded this outfit, Manfred Jamison IV, was, and is, a bit unhinged. He just had to call it Madhouse Corporation. Nobody knows why.
The company's profitable, all right. Manny has a great nose for ideasâbuying up great patents and turning them into product lines. We sell all kinds of great stuff from self-sorting filing cabinets to male birth control pills to artificial intelligence software for commercial jets to meat-seeking missiles for hunting terrorists.
But amid the flow of great products, something is always going wrong. Accidents, recalls, lawsuits, bad publicity, explosions and other problems, mostly undeserved, seem to fall upon us in spades.
That's where we come inâa crack team of lawyers, accountants, auditors, lobbyists, private detectives and spin doctors, all empowered to do anything necessary within the law to defuse the endless series of crises falling upon the company. We're the Rapid Response Division, or RRD, and we report directly to Jack.
We're damage control. Finance forgets to report somethingâwe make them clean it up. HR's pink slips cause a wrongful termination lawsuitâwe get it dismissed. Marketing's newest ad creates a scandalâwe turn it into an Internet meme. Bad publicity is still publicity, right?
"I need some help from Section Eight."
My section of RRD. Nicknamed for the old army regulation that kicked people out for being crazy, basically.
In addition to finding crazy people and kicking them out, we liaise between all the parts of the company that don't talk to each other. Basically we're the grease that keeps the gears running. Sometimes we have to knock heads and twist arms.
"Oh? I thought you just stopped by to say hi."
"That too! But the bottom line is, heads are going to roll for this one, so we want to find out who screwed up and make sure we get the right guy."
"Right, right." Last thing we needed was a wrongful termination suit.
"I'm going to talk to the VP of EMEA tomorrowâthat I can do, at least."
"That should help. Rob's a good guy. He'll get you whatever he can," I replied.
"Definitely. I bet he's sweating blood right now. So yeah, Jack wants a report from me first thing Monday. I think almost everyone is gone for the night." It was Thursday night. It's almost unheard of for a modern company, but at Madhouse, the rule is that once you've gone home, you're done for the day, except in dire emergencies. And around here, things are crazy enough that a chemical spill does not qualify as a dire emergency.
"I guess I'll have to see what I can do tomorrow afternoon then."
"Pepper's still in."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. Go talk to herâwe need the numbers she has, anyway."
"Sure thing."
Daph leaned in a little closer, whispering even though there wasn't anyone to overhear us.
"She hasn't really been herself lately."
"Pepper? Why?"
"I don't know. She always pretends she's all right and I don't want to bother her if she doesn't want to talk about it. But something's wrong."
"Hmm..."
"I don't think she's up to anything badâit's not like her to do that, and we'd know if that was it."
"Of course."
"Check up on her though. I was talking to her just yesterday."
"And?"
"I don't know, she's been looking a bit pale lately."
"Lately?" Pepper's always been a fair-skinned lady.
"More so than usual I mean. Like, off pale."
"Oh no. I'll go see how she's doing."
She turned to leave, stopping at the door.