Stepping out of the hallway and into the busy airport, Lillian too a deep breath. She looked around and tried to get out of everyone's way. Letting out the breath she looked down at her shoes. Perfect black pumps smiled cheerily back at her. They were a birthday present from an unexpected relative.
She stared, purposefully engrossed in her shoes, trying not to look up, trying to not be seen. She knew she probably looked nuts staring at her shoes so intently.
"I am nuts." She thought calmly. She centered her thoughts.
"It's not too late to turn back now is it?" She asked herself over and over again. Of course it was; she'd asked the airline a few dozen times that. If she changed her mind, she would be stuck here unable to turn back in her ticket and go home.
Home, it was such an odd word. She never quite knew where that was from day to day. She used to not care, but it was getting to be prevalent as the days wore on. She wanted a home, a place to call her own. She wanted to find her place somewhere, anywhere.
But first, she must figure out how to work her feet again!
"Lillian?" A male voice broke into her thoughts.
She looked up and jumped back. There he was before her. She knew it was him, but she was surprised. Jack looked identical to his picture. She fully expected it to not be accurate. "After all, that's what strangers on the internet DO, right?" She rationalized to herself. She was more disappointed that he hadn't lied than if he had.
"Because it would be so much easier if he was a liar, right? Leaving would be that much easier, right?" She forced a smile and took a wobbly step back.
He reached out a hand and grabbed her arm to steady her. Her eyes flew wide and Jack let go. She stopped and coughed to herself and began nervously looking around.
"I guess..." She hesitated, trying to fight the words coming out of her mouth. "I guess we should get going."
He smiled politely and motioned for her to walk beside him. They made their way to the luggage drop. She pointed to her bag and he picked it up. She followed him wordlessly to his car. He opened the door and she got in.
She felt a surge of giddiness at the gesture as he put the bag in the trunk and got in the driver's seat.
Throughout the drive, Lillian was too distracted by her own panic to hear a word Jack said. She just kept muttering an occasional agreement and trying very hard to focus on the facts.
They'd been talking for as long as she could remember. She had wanted to meet him if only for hugs. She had known for a very long time that he could possibly be the best friend she had ever had. It was all so easy online, not having to face this person, not having to see their eyes.
It had always been the eyes that bothered her most about people. She couldn't even look at herself in the mirror, couldn't stand the sight of her own eyes. She laughed to herself at that thought. The timing must have been right, because Jack also laughed at his own joke. It was probably some weird pun she didn't quite get.
He was smarter than her, or so she felt. He never really tried to make her feel stupid; quite the opposite, he was always trying to put her at ease, to calm her down and make her feel good. That was why she liked him so much. Why she was here was something else entirely.
She chastised herself. This was how "it" happened last time. She was in a bad place, searching for the first thing to hold on to. Her past relationship was a mistake. "This wasn't a mistake" she kept telling herself.
So why was she panicking right now? She trusted Jack, she trusted him because he didn't lie. That was the worst part; she was actually hoping he lied, so she could some how call this a mistake and leave. She just knew that some how she was going to screw something up. Make him realize he had her all wrong. That somehow she wasn't what he was expecting.
"Lillian?" He put his hand on her arm. She blinked at him stupidly. "I said we're here."
"Oh, I'm sorry." She smiled nervously and unbuckled her seatbelt. He went around the other side and opened her door. She got out and looked around as he got her bag. She breathed deeply the salty air. She loved being so close to the beach. She had looked the place up on the map. California was a far shot from Florida though, she had noticed that as she flew in. There was something different here.
He smiled at her. "You like it I see." He said quietly.
"I do." She looked away from him. "I may be half cat, but I do love the water. Maybe I'm half tiger?" She grinned and looked to the side.
"Ah, so you are the person I know." He smiled at her.
Her face fell in an instant. Fighting tears she stared at her shoes again.
"Hey, hey stop that, what did I say?" He scooted close and put his arm around her shoulder.
"Can we just go inside?" She said quietly.
"Sure. I'm sorry, though I still don't know what I said wrong..." He fumbled for his keys and opened the door.
She stepped into the living room and looked around. She laughed quietly. Again, she was expecting a mess, hoping for some sign she screwed up. She just knew some how she had.
He closed the door behind her and carried her bag to the back room.
"I figured it would be more prudent for you to take my room for now, I figured the ability to close and lock the door would make you feel better. I'm sorry I don't have more than this. You took the offer so suddenly..." He returned to the living room where she was still standing, clinching her hands together and looking around like a scared caged animal.
"I'm sorry about that." She finally took a seat on the couch. "I was just, having a bad time, and I just felt I needed to get away and clear my head. I didn't mean to intrude..." She continued to wring her hands in front of her.
Jack made his way to the kitchen and began getting stuff out. "I hope you're hungry. I went out and got the ingredients to make stuffed mushrooms. I hope you like them. I know you said your favorite was sautéed, but I didn't think that would be very filling."
"Alright."
"You can move from that spot you know. You are my guest, not some bum off the street." He smiled at her.
Lillian stood up and slowly made her way to the kitchen. She leaned against the door and watched him.
"Either you haven't heard a word I've said, or you're trying to tell me something." He grinned at her.
"What do you mean?" she asked cautiously.
"You've been... unbuttoned all day." He motioned towards her.
She looked down at the front of her dress. She had worn a purple dress with buttons up the front. The button at her bra was gapping open. Lillian gasped and turned her back towards him and fumbled with it.
Jack laughed. "I've tried to tell you several times, I guess you didn't hear me."
"Great, just great. That's all the hell I need." She muttered quietly and sat back on the couch. She put her face in her hands.
"Hey, it's ok." He slipped down beside her and put his arm around her. "It's ok I promise." He pulled her face to his chest.
Without a second thought, she wrapped her arms around his waist. She buried her face in his chest, enjoying the feel of a hug for the first time in what seemed like forever.
"All I really wanted," she started quietly, pulling her face away. "Was a hug. I have wanted to hug you so badly, you've been nothing but kind to me, I feel like I have nothing to give."
