Special thanks to a friend who helped edit this story. Everything he touches is beautiful....
If you've ever developed a close relationship of any kind online, you will understand this story.
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Until I became a member of a bulletin board, I never thought it was possible to meet wonderful people and gain fun acquaintances and nice friendships over the Internet. But there is someone special for me with whom I have developed an amazing bond and who blows many of my past relationships completely out of the water. Someone who I have grown to trust almost completely. Someone who fills my dreary days with rays of sunshine just from one phone call or email. This is my story about Neil and I.
Feeling a bit lonely, sexually, for reasons I won't get into now, I had turned to erotic Internet fun. At first I searched for sexy photos to drool over, trying different web sites. You know how it is; one site is better than another. And then I came across one site that hooked me. It was an amateur picture forum connected to a large bulletin board. I started by just lurking and checking things out without posting. But then I felt the need to share some of myself, and finally got up the courage to post.
I had never in my life taken a picture of myself nude. But I wanted to post a picture on a thread for 'Big Beautiful Women'. I don't always feel beautiful, but I'm definitely big and definitely a woman. So I took a digital image of me in my bra, no face showing, of course.
I debated for days whether to post the picture or not, but I finally did. Wow! The feedback was very generous and so complimentary. It made me feel incredibly good inside that others actually thought I looked sexy. This was very good for my low self-esteem.
I had thought for sure I would either be simply ignored or made fun of. I was prepared for that and made sure that my face wasn't showing and that nobody would know who I was. Just a faceless body floating in cyberspace.
After the exhilarating thrill of receiving positive feedback, I decided to post another picture. This time I took off my bra. And that post gave me even more feedback, really positive feedback. I was hooked now; this was so freeing and so good for my ego. I decided to do another, then another...and soon I started my own picture thread.
One of my first admirers was Neil hiding under his user name. He built up my confidence along with some other posters, but his comments always stood out to me. It was amazing and as time went on, Neil sent me private messages and they really made me feel very good about myself.
Oh, there were many others that sent me private messages. Some actually scared me or made me laugh out loud with their off the wall comments.
But with Neil it was always different. I knew Neil was one of the few gentlemen right from the start. He knew how to treat a lady.
I was leery of giving out my messenger address at first, even if it was anonymous, but that's how I was. I was a bit scared of the 'what ifs'.
Neil was one of the few people that I had given it to. He just had honesty about him that I couldn't help but notice. He was amazing and always made me feel good about myself. It was unreal. I enjoyed the time we shared and we ended up emailing each other and developing a friendship.
I admit I had other online friendships that filled the void while I felt my married relationship slipping through the cracks, but Neil's friendship was different. It stuck while others faded in and out like the weather or simply ended.
After a couple months of erotic emails, chats and getting to know Neil, I realized I could trust him with my phone number. He called me and our relationship spiked in a very pleasurable way. I felt so connected with this man. He seemed to really get it. He clearly knew how to treat women and his personality and mine meshed so well together. During our love making chat sessions, he often turned my body to jello.
Our relationship was growing and flourishing into something so beautiful. We cared about each other. Really cared. He showed me he cared by our phone conversations and our chat sessions. It was not just about the pleasures of sex but rather the pleasure of the entire relationship, the friendship that we both nourished like a fragile kitten on the mend. It's hard to explain how someone can enter your mind, body and soul this way without ever meeting.
There were times when Neil was busy with work and life and I missed having contact with him for days at a time. During those times I really felt the void and missed him very much. But that is just something one must learn to deal with when having a long distance relationship such as ours.
We were both married and we couldn't have our spouses find out about this. We didn't want each other's marriage and family life to suffer because of our intimate online relationship. This is how you know someone really cares for you when they are concerned about your whole well-being.
Our friendship kept growing and growing and I trusted Neil with my work number, home number and cell phone number. Frankly, I trusted him with very private information that I had never shared with anyone. I knew he would never let me down. Neil, I had come to know, was an honorable man and would never hurt me in any way.
I must explain how Neil made me feel one of the first times we 'made love' over the Internet. At this point, we were not talking on the phone but rather instant messaging one another.
I remember sitting on my bed after having a terrible day and feeling so down. I felt so alone and needy. But Neil was there for me and made love to my mind. That is something I hadn't felt in years. I actually had tears running down my face while reading his beautiful words that were just for me.
It was fun getting to know each other's needs and desires, both romantic and sometimes darker fantasies. And we learned that we had so much in common. We both enjoyed sweet romantic times, like young lovers, kissing, holding, swaying, and playing. But there were also the darker desires that we acted out, always careful to make sure that we respected each other's boundaries. I opened up with Neil during those darker sessions, sharing things that I had never before shared with anyone. No matter what we did Neil would always make sure to end the sessions with plenty of snuggling, kissing and caressing.