We talked about my Father on the drive back to my house. Jeff seemed optimistic we could find a way to get to him based on Dad's concern with his image. I was not convinced.
I parked in my driveway and we headed up to my room. I closed the door and took Jeff to the closet, which was open.
"This is what you'll wear," I told him.
"Khakis?" he asked, surprised.
"They probably work better than jeans for my purposes, and they'll give you another look."
"Ashley knows best."
"And wear those Danskos with them. You can wear socks and that's appropriate for your surprise."
"We're volunteering at a hospital?" he asked.
"I won't answer any questions. You'll just keep asking until you get it right so my answer is: you'll see when we get there."
We got into the car and I headed towards Lancaster Avenue.
"Very mysterious," said Jeff.
I changed the subject, not just to change the subject.
"I've been thinking about what you said about attacking my Father's image. You're bad for his image in his mind. It's a shame, because he could do a lot worse."
"I hope that's not meant to be a compliment."
"We're talking about his view. You know I think you're not bad at all.
"Anyway, I was thinking he could do a lot worse. I could come home with a Goth boyfriend. I could come back with tattoos."
"Please don't," said Jeff.
"I'm just talking about possibilities. I have no intention of marring this flawless skin. But I could bring home a biker. 'Hi, Dad. Meet my boyfriend Spike. '
"And I can do much worse than that. 'Hey, Dad. This is Sputum. He's my dealer, but he is just the baddest guy. '"
"No. What you need to do is bring home a seriously butch, black woman. 'Hey, Dad. This is my old man, Nancy. Don't worry. She's Jewish and I don't have to spend any of my trust fund for her drugs, she turns tricks for that. '"
After the laughter died down we still had to stop the intermittent giggling before we could continue talking.
I turned right onto Wynnewood Road.
"There is one problem with bringing in somebody way more unacceptable," said Jeff. "You need to sell it, and you need to maintain it long enough for it to sink into every pore of their bodies and start to rot them from the inside out before they'll be ready to jump at me as the far superior choice. That could take a long time."
"I hadn't thought of that."
"We need something quick and deadly," he said.
"What did you have in mind?"
"I have no idea."
I turned left onto Haverford Avenue, drove past the light and parked at Wynnewood Lanes.
Jeff was looking at me strangely as I slowed down and parked.
"We're going bowling?"
"What gave it away?" I asked.
He started to answer and laughed.
"When did you learn to bowl?"
"I've been taking lessons."
"I could have given you a book," he said, deadly serious.
I smiled, shook my head and closed my eyes.
"Once a nerd, always a nerd."
I opened the trunk and told him he needed to take his bag with his balls and shoes.
"Where did you get these?" he asked.