Hi there,
Sorry for delay, my laptop broke last week so I had a busy week trying to get it fixed. I will finally be getting it back on Thursday, so I can start on the next chapter. Anyhow
Jen, I hope you have a speedy recovery, thanks again for the edit
-- any mistakes found are my fault. CVC thanks for the insight, again you've made it a better read!
Thanks for all the comments -- it means so much to me and definitely brightens up my day :D
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30/08/09
He's doing it again.
This time he's really drunk and I can still smell another woman's strong perfume on him. If that's not a clear indication he's cheating on me AGAIN, the fact that his face and neck is covered in bright red lipstick marks definitely can be. The buttons on his shirt are undone, the zipper and button on his trousers are undone. I watch as he staggers in from the front door. I'm used to it- really I am. Nothing he does surprises me anymore. Cheating on me is child's play compared to what he's done in the past...but still I hold on to the flicker of hope that he'll treat me with some sort of respect by at least cleaning up and not displaying his affairs so blatantly. I beg him to not come home and shout when's he's drunk. I beg him not to curse in front of my young son.
I thought at first I had married the love of my life.
But now seeing him looking the way he is, slumped on the kitchen top, no doubt another night out with his 'friends' hopping from strip club to strip club, I feel nothing but disgust towards him. I try to confront him about his way- not to get him to stop, since I was over trying to do that, but I just want him to quiet down and at least have the decency to act appropriately in front of my son. He hadn't been home for a couple of months now, which makes me extremely happy. Whenever he does bother to come home, it always ends badly. Already I could feel a foreboding mood settling in.
He beckons me over and I comply obediently. He wraps one arm around me, his other still holding onto a bottle of wine. Suddenly I can feel his hot breath on me, and before I could react, he kisses my neck. I took advantage of his tipsy state by pushing him away hard.
He staggers and then fell to the floor. I could immediately see his expression change. I should have known better. I knew I shouldn't have provoked him.
In response, what does he do? He gets up, still somewhat unsteadily, and throws the bottle of wine in his hand on the floor- it shatters, the red staining and the sharp glass scattering across the floor. His face is puffed up and he narrows his eyes. I turn quickly towards the door and sighed in relief at not seeing my son there. I was so worried it would wake him up.
Just as I turn back around, he slaps me hard across the face and pulls my hair, dragging me into the living room, and pushes me onto the couch.
I struggle in panic, knowing clearly what his intentions were going to be. I really did try hard to push him off of me- but he gets on top of me and starts to rip my clothes off, slapping me hard across the face when I dared to struggle again... I scream in pain as one of his knees dig into my stomach forcefully. His hands wrap around my neck and he strangles me, warning me to be quiet. I bit my lip, trying to quiet myself as I hear more ripping.
I stop struggling. It would be less painful if I don't struggle.
He rips my underwear off and then I felt him push inside me forcefully. He leans close to me, his head buried in the crook of my neck. I can smell the strong concoction of alcohol and cigarettes on his breath.
It made me sick.
After what felt like hours I felt him tense, his hand wrapping even harder around my neck as he climaxed. Finally he pulled out of me and strokes my face gently and I hear him whisper, "You may be a frigid bitch, but you're still tighter than any whores I've fucked today."
I closed my eyes as I hear him get dressed. It was after a few minutes when I hear him stumble upstairs. I had gotten used to his ways and this time I was relieved that he at least didn't hurt me. I pull my ripped clothing against myself, trying hard to cover any exposed skin. I hear a noise and I turn to see my young son looking horrified.
I hadn't even known that I looked like a mess until the hot fat tears start to fall onto my lap at the shame that my son had to witness the state I was currently in. He rushes over and hugs me tightly.
"Monster," I heard my son mutter as he pulls away to look at me, tears quickly filling his eyes. One small hand reaches out to stroke my bruised face. I lean into his touch.
"Mommy, I'm s-sorry, d-don't cry. He made scary, loud noises down here. He was very loud and I was scared to come downstairs. I'm s-sorry, mommy, I couldn't s-save you" I try to smile to console him; I try to whisper softly to tell him I was okay. But my face hurt. I couldn't do anything but cry. I hate myself for not protecting my son from this. I hate myself because I knew there was nothing I can do.
Two months later, I found out I was pregnant.
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Ever since Jared found out that Alin was expecting, he was nothing but a nervous wreck. Would he make a good father? Can he handle the responsibilities? He was good at negotiating deals, handling business affairs, but when it came to babies he knew absolutely nada.
Sure he knew how to lavish them with love and play with them, as proved by Alex's eagerness for him to see him more often. He knew how to be the cool guy, but being hands on dad?
That was more Ryan's thing.
Regardless, he was planning to spend every possible waking moment with his baby, not wanting to be one of those fathers that came home when his child was asleep or left before they'd even woken up. Due to his and Alin's work, they feared they would be unable to always look after the baby. They weren't exactly keen on hiring a nanny to look after the baby for most of the day.
There was a simple solution after hours of debate; Alin suggested that a nursery could be built in the BankSafe headquarters. This could also benefit other working parents and a good way to allow staff to balance between work and parenthood. A few nannies would be hired to look after the children. Jared loved the idea. This would also be a big perk for staff and allow talented female staff at the company to stay. Not to mention the time Jared could spend with his child. He didn't like the idea of being apart from his baby for too long. The truth was, he didn't need a nanny to care for his child outside of work hours, but reluctantly he knew with work, hiring a nanny was inevitable.
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Hallie glanced at her watch, 2:15 - she was late again. Picking up her pace, she looked down to see Penny still sleeping soundly. She sighed in relief. Her daughter was very much attached to her, and would sometimes cry uncontrollably if she woke up without Hallie. To avoid missing another day of school, Hallie would only leave when Penny was asleep. She feared if she heard her daughter's cries, she would soften and stay with her.
When Penny was born, Hallie had never felt so distant and hard-hearted. She didn't want to spend time with her new-born. Every time she looked at the bundle in her arms, it was reminisce of what happened that day. When her daughter cried for her, she would put her hands over her ears willing for her to stop crying. When she didn't stop crying, Hallie would scream at her to stop, making the baby cry even louder and also upsetting her young son in the process.
The nanny Jack hired would take Penny in her arms and soothe her, whilst trying to hide her disgusted expression from Hallie. She couldn't believe a woman could be so callous to her own baby, and had assumed Hallie to be a stuck up heiress who only had children to tie her husband down.
