Ashes to Ashley

Author's Note: Special thanks to Melanieatplay for her contributions

"Mike died," his wife, Shelly Carter, informed me over the phone.

"Oh no! Shelly! I'm so sorry, hon." It wasn't a surprise, his cancer had become very aggressive in the last year. Still, it was difficult news for my friend. Shelly and I were work friends going back almost thirty years. She was 'Auntie Shell' to my kids. She knew things about me no one else in the world ever did. Ten years my senior, I still had the hots for her when I met her when I was twenty-five...

Seems like yesterday, but it was long ago...

I was the whiz kid who knew everything about computers back when they were new and I was brought in to help her company get up to speed with some of the first generation laptops. That healthcare company had some

legendary

sales meetings. This was the early nineties when 'Political Correctness' was just getting started but hadn't really caught on at our company. I went to all the sales meetings to help the reps learn computers, and Shelly was by my side every step of the way. We got very close due to all the time spent on long airplane flights and being together for weeks on end as we traversed the country doing training. In those days, remote computing hadn't been invented. We used dedicated phone lines to communicate, and those were way too slow to have any kind of video conferencing, so there were no 'Zoom' meetings; you had to train people in person, and you had to update software in person, too.

Shelly was kind of like everybody's mom, except she was also absolutely gorgeous. Her husband, Mike, treated her and the kids alright over the years, but he was a rather self-absorbed alpha-male type guy. Shelly was always attracted to that, but she missed out on someone who would listen to her and pay attention to her. That was me. I listened, I felt, I helped, and I fell in love with her. Yes, I was married at the time and Shelly had two kids and was ten years older than me, but none of that mattered. I was fully in love with her.

After I knew her for about two years, I made my big move at one of the sales meetings. We were drinking at the evening event when one of the reps said he needed his computer fixed. Shelly and I went to the suite where they kept them and dug it out to prepare it for him for the next day. We finished setting it up and we're about to go back to the party when I reached out and held her hand, spinning her back towards me.

"Joseph... what..." She looked like a deer in headlights, terrified and excited at the same time. "I... can't... you know I can't."

"Shelly, just one kiss. That's all. Just one."

She looked very torn. "Oh... alright. Just a peck, though."

I smiled at her and slid my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me. I moved in close and stopped just an inch from her face.

"What?" she whispered.

"I'm just breathing you in, you smell so good."

"Joe, are you... going to kiss me or what?"

"Oh, so now you

want

me to kiss you, huh?" I teased.

She started to pull away from me but I closed the distance, our lips connecting. A second passed, and then another, and we were kissing more than just a 'peck.' Our lips moved together, and our little kiss became an open-mouthed wet kiss. My hands moved across her lower back, and she moaned softly as my tongue caressed her lower lip. Then her tongue found mine, and

I

moaned.

My mind went into overdrive when she gently bit my lower lip, my hands wandering lower over her bottom, cupping and squeezing her ass cheeks. She pressed her body against mine and she ground her pelvis against my bulge.

The party theme for this night was "The Wild West", so we were both dressed in denim jeans and cowboy boots, while I wore a cowboy shirt and she sported a cute little red blouse. I slipped my hand up inside her top, finding her small breasts trapped in her bra. She moaned desperately when I slipped my hand under the elastic and touched her bare breast, her nipple hardening under my fingers.

She expertly undid my belt and slid her hand inside my jeans, her warm and soft on my cock. I pulled back to undo my pants so she could get a better grip, and she did, but then quickly her mouth took me in. I moaned as her lips closed around the head of my cock, my mind spinning as this was the culmination of so many of my fantasies.

You're so beautiful, Shelly, and I can't believe we are about to fuck! I'm going to eat you and make you come so many times... fuck I can't wait to taste you and--

She stopped. With my cock almost in her throat, she stopped.

"Are... are you okay? Shelly?"

She quickly withdrew, strings of drool hanging from her lipstick-smudged lips.

"I can't. I'm so sorry but I just can't."

I was stunned. "But, I was going to... I was going to make you come... and..."

Her eyes pleaded with me, and I knew it was a lost cause. "You gotta, um, fix your face a little." She found her purse and began touching herself up as I buckled up my pants again.

I saw her pull out her lipstick from her purse but I stopped her. "Wait. I need... I need one more kiss."

"No, Joseph. This is wrong, and I'm so sorry I didn't mean to lead you on... I'm so sorry--"

I closed the distance and kissed her again... gently, softly, lovingly, and she kissed me back... for about half a minute. I felt her stiffen, and I stopped, and I pulled away slowly. I reached down to pick up her lipstick case she had dropped on the ground.

"I'm sorry, Shelly. I... shouldn't have pushed you... but... I love you."

"I know," she said, a small tear leaking from the outside of one eye. "Under other circumstances, I would love you, too. You're... perfect for me."

I sighed heavily. "Perfect? But..."

"But it can't happen. Ever. I'm so, so sorry."

- - - - -

In the movies, they always have it rain at the funeral. But in Southern California, that rarely happens. And so the sun shone gloriously on the lovely spring Saturday afternoon that we gathered to pay our respects to Mike.

"Will you sit with me, Joseph?" Shelly asked, looking very regal in her stylish black dress and swoopy hat. For being almost sixty, she looked incredible today. "Or, I'm sorry, will Annie mind?"

I looked around to see if my semi-wife, Annie, had even arrived yet. "Of course I will sit with you, sweetheart. Annie can sit in the back. We don't seem to be talking this week." Our separation was mostly amicable, but we had our moments and this particular moment had stretched on for five days.

It was a big honor for me to sit with her family. She had her son Dakota on one side of her and her daughter Ashley on the other. I sat next to Ashley while Mike's brother sat next to me, then his wife and various other distant relatives.

Mike and Shelly were very popular, it was one of the largest funerals the mortuary had ever seen. As Mike's ex-boss began telling humorous tales about Mike, Ashley reached over for my hand. Surprised, I nonetheless held it gently and placed my other hand on top of hers. Turning to her, I smiled even though I was choked up with emotion; yes I tried to fuck his wife so many years ago, but he was basically a good guy and his kids adored him. Over the years, our families had gone on many vacations together, shared many holiday dinners, and celebrated tons of birthdays together.

And it was all on the up and up; nothing untoward ever happened, no stolen kisses or even longing looks. I managed to stop being in love with Shelly and tried to focus all my energies on Annie. The fact that my marriage didn't work out wasn't Shelly's fault at all.

So I was rather surprised when Ashley not only held my left hand, but she also squeezed it. Her fingers moved delicately in between mine, never stopping, and her thumb rubbed the back of my hand too. After a minute or so of this, I turned to look at her again. Ashley's face, her beautiful face, looked radiant even as her red eyes wept occasional tears. But the way she looked at me, with such deep sadness but also with... I couldn't make out her expression, exactly. I'm one of those people that aren't super social so I don't read other people well, but if I had to use a single word it would have been

longing

. Yes, she looked at me

longingly

.

When the service ended after about an hour, everyone stood up and Ashley just hugged me for a solid two minutes. The mortuary had thoughtfully planned ahead and placed a lot of tissue boxes around and I managed to grab a large handful. These helped keep my suit fairly clean as she cried softly into my shoulder. Then she broke with me to hug her mother and older brother. I stepped back to give them their space and besides, a line had begun to form of well-wishers wanting to express their condolences.

"Well now you can make your play for Shelly," Annie commented, quietly enough so nobody could hear. "Just like you always wanted. But using her daughter to get to her? That's pretty low, Joe, even for you."

I sighed, stepping further away from the bereaved and pulling her with me. "If you ever need a reminder as to why I'm divorcing you, it's because you say stupid shit like that. I am just here supporting my friends,

our

friends."

At that moment, Ashley turned around, seemingly looking for me. Her face lit up for a brief second when she saw me, then she looked crestfallen as she saw who I was talking to. A friend touched her arm and she returned her attention to the attendees. Of course, Annie saw all of that.

"Well aren't you just the good friend, huh? Did you see that look she just gave me?"

"Annie, stop it," I hissed. "Nothing is going on with me and Shelly or Ashley, and you're some kind of stupid for even suggesting that. Ashley is like part of our family."

"Uh-huh, sure. I suppose you're going to their house after this?"

"Well, yes. It seems like the right thing to do. I take it that you aren't?"

She just gave me a disgusted look. "I'll give them my condolences here. There's only one way to properly

console

a widow, and I don't have the proper equipment."

- - - - -

At Shelly's house, I sort of accidentally volunteered for kitchen duty, probably just so I didn't have to talk to everyone. Ashley brought me a beer now and then but the guests kept her pretty busy. Shelly came in several times and thanked me, very nearly in tears every time.

Eventually, the crowd dispersed and only Shelly's sister and Ashley remained, along with Shelly, of course.

"Joe," she started as I put away the last glass. "I, I can't even begin to tell you what you mean to me. And I don't mean just today. I mean, for the last twenty years, you've always been there for me. Always!"

She began to sob and I pulled her close to me, her body melting into mine. Her sister Cindy walked in but made a quick exit when she saw our embrace. Eventually, she cried herself out. "Joe, I hate to impose, but could you take Ashley home? I'm wrecked, and Cindy is going to stay with me tonight."

"Shelly, of course. It's no trouble. Whenever you're ready for us to go."

"Okay, thanks. Ashley might... need someone to talk to. I wasn't much help to her today and her brother was busy with the twins, you know."

"Yeah, he sure had his hands full today. I'll listen if she wants to talk."

"Thanks, Joe. She, umm... she thinks a lot of you, you know. Next to Mike, she liked you better than any of her blood family."

I kissed her on her forehead. "I'll take care of her, I promise. And... I love you, Shell."

Her eyes teared up again. "You've always been so good to me. Sometimes I wish we... that night in Phoenix... you know... well I had to make a choice. And I almost chose you. It took all my willpower not to stay with you that night. And... sometimes I wish I did."

I didn't say anything, this was pretty awkward; her reminiscing about our near tryst on the day of her husband's funeral. I just hugged her again and told her everything was going to be alright.

Eventually, after more tears, Shelly's sister took her upstairs. I collected Ashley and we left the house for my car parked down the street a bit. I put my elbow out and she rested her hand in it, then laid her head against my shoulder as we slowly strolled to my car. I opened the door for her and helped her slide in. She broke the silence after I got the car started.

"Joe, can I ask you something? It's kind of... personal. You don't have to answer, but if you do, you have to be honest."

"Sure," I responded as we left the well-to-do neighborhood. "Ask me anything, it's fine."

"Well, I was just wondering... cuz you and mom always seemed so close... did you two ever, you know, like... hook up?"

I tried not to react or look too shocked, but I wasn't successful. I jerked my head and looked at Ashley as she stared at me sweetly. I returned my attention to the road. "Well, that's an interesting question, especially on a day like today. The answer is no. And I'm being totally honest. No, we never slept together."

"Bullshit. She loves you, I can tell. And you act like you love her."

I sighed. "Okay, but we didn't... make love. Ever. I tried once, though."

"Ah ha-a-a! I knew something happened somewhere along the line. Spill it."

I was half-hoping a drunk driver might hit us and I wouldn't have to talk about this to Shelly's daughter, but we passed cleanly through another intersection.

"Where do you live again?"

"You're stalling. Turn right at the next light. Then another quick right."

"Okay, well... after we've stopped, then. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about your mom."

"Fair enough."

After we parked at her apartment complex, she got out of the car and started walking to her place.

"Hey!" I called. "I thought we were going to talk?"

"We are. Inside. Quit dawdling, old man."

I shook my head and followed her to her apartment.

"Nice place, Ash." Her apartment looked like it was professionally designed, it wasn't just some IKEA put-together stuff.

"Thanks. Mom helped a little, but it was mostly me. Come on, start talking, I want the whole story. Or, do you need a drink first? Pour yourself a glass of the red and I'll be right back out, gonna change."

I went to the kitchen and found an open but corked bottle of Justin Pinot Noir.

This gal's got good taste

, I thought as I poured a large glass.

"You want some?" I hollered back to her.

"Just pour a big glass, okay?"

"Already did." I took a large sip, then prepared myself for what I wanted to tell Ash.

She came out about a minute later wearing just a long sleeve light blue t-shirt and small, thin, and somewhat loose grey shorts. Her hair, previously tied "up" in a gorgeous do, now hung freely. It was apparent that she wasn't wearing a bra, which made me wonder if she wasn't wearing panties, too.

No! Stop it! Just tell your story and go!

She pointed to the couch, indicating I should sit in the corner. She sat down next to me, crossed her legs, and then faced me.

"Go."

And I told her everything, almost. I told her how I loved her mom from when I first met her, how we got along so well even though we were both married to others, and I even told her about the sales meeting, but I left the cock sucking part out, Ashley didn't need to know that. I left the rest of it in, though; the kissing, the fondling, my declarations. I also told her how I raised my kids, how we all hung out over the years and nothing else ever happened.

Ash listened patiently, occasionally asking for clarification here and there, sometimes drinking from my glass. But to her credit, she didn't make any annoying gasps or throw out any judge-y comments, she just took it all in.

"So, in the end," I looked at my empty glass, "your mom was a good girl and never cheated on your dad. I swear."

"You know, I think I believe you. Stay here, I'm getting us more wine."

"No, that's not... I've already drank..." She kept going, seemingly having inherited her mother's stubbornness.

"Tell me about your wife," she called from the kitchen as she poured.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Keep pouring, then."

She made some more noises in the kitchen while I wondered what the fuck I was doing there, spilling my guts and drinking her expensive wine. I had been having a few drinks here and there throughout the day and this amount of red wine wasn't going to be good for me.

I looked up as she strolled back into the lounge area with a fuller glass of red wine and a small charcuterie platter of three different kinds of cheeses and some assorted meats.

"You're... kidding me? How did you whip this up so fast?"

She sat down next to me again, but instead of facing me like before, she sat alongside me and rested her head on my shoulder. "Didn't you see me swipe this from Mom's house? Anyway, what's up with you and Annie? You're separated now, right?"

I took a big gulp of wine. "Yeah. She was cheating on me for a few years with a neighbor friend and I found out about it recently. She got mad and blamed me for causing her to cheat."

Ashley handed me a nice stack of cheeses and salamis. "So, what was the problem? Money... or sex? I bet it was sex."

I almost choked on my bite. "Christ, you don't pull any punches do you?"

"So, it was sex, then. Tell me. Was she a nymphomaniac and you couldn't keep up?"

"Oh, you think you're funny, don't you."

"Yes I do, I'm very funny." She piled up another stack of cheese slices and salami but, instead of handing it to me, she put it in my mouth. Her fingers went inside my mouth a little as I closed my lips.

"Ash," I said with my mouth full. "Why are we talking about all this stuff now? I mean, we just buried your dad, I thought you would be... I don't know... Upset or freaking out or... something."

"Daddy and I made our peace a few months ago. This... illness... it's been happening over three years, you know. And he was really suffering, they couldn't keep up with the pain and keep him conscious at the same time. Yes, I'm sad, but it's also a relief in a way. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes, actually it does. Your mom said something very similar a few days ago."

"I miss him, and I love him, but he's been... leaving for so long... now that he's actually gone it's... not a shock. I've already grieved so much, there... isn't much left in me. In fact, I feel guilty for not feeling worse." She reached for the wine and took a big gulp. After she handed the glass back to me, she sat up a little straighter so she could put her arm around my shoulder, her hand resting lightly on my neck.

"So," she continued, her fingers playing in my hair in the back of my head. "Your wife isn't a nympho, I take it."

"Yeah, not quite. She's vanilla cake, with vanilla frosting. And a small slice at that, without even any vanilla ice cream to go with that. She cheated on me because she was dissatisfied with my ability to keep up with the Joneses; she thought she could do better with Phil. Then, when all that Bitcoin money came in, she was suddenly interested in me again."

Ashley chuckled as her fingers lightly caressed my ear. "Gotcha. So, no chance of reconciliation?"

"None. Zero. I'm

so

not interested. I stayed for the kids' benefit, but they're old enough now."

"What about Mom? Are you going to make a play for her now?"

I cleared my throat.

This girl gets right to the point. "

That... actually occurred to me, but only briefly. I'm not in love with her anymore, although I feel love for her like I would a sister. But I don't have that... romantic feeling, you know?" I thought for a moment. "Why do you ask? Has she said anything about me?" I was hoping that she hadn't, that I wouldn't have to let

her

down.

"No, she hasn't. And quit hogging the wine!" I handed her the glass so she could drink. I was enjoying her fingers in my hair, after this very long day it felt wonderful.