"NO!"
"John, please..."
"NO! How many times do I have to say it? NO... NO... NO!"
"John, I'm in a bind," my sister, Lana whined.
"I don't care. There's no way, I'm not gonna do it, so you may as well save your breath."
"But you've done it before," she reasoned.
"No I haven't, besides, that was over eight years ago."
When I was younger, and much stupider, is stupider really a word? Anyway, when I was younger, I thought I was hot shit. As a hot shit young stud, my not so developed brain told me I could be an erotic dancer. Ha! What a joke that turned out to be. At the audition, I looked like a plow horse in a room full of thoroughbreds. I bucked like a wild bronco, while the others danced like Royal Lipizzaner stallions. My dancing career lasted exactly fifteen minutes.
That audition gave me a double dose of reality, and it was just what I needed. It's been eight years, and I'm now completing my residency as a physician. How my sister found out about that audition is anyone's guess.
"Johnny, damn it, the bachelorette party is in two hours and I don't have a dancer."
"I'd have thought you'd have taken care of that little detail before now."
"I did, but he got arrested," she pouted.
"Arrested? Jeez, Lana," I rolled my eyes.
"It's not like that John, it was a warrant for parking tickets," she explained.
"Well, bail him out."
"We tried John, but it's Friday and he doesn't see the judge until Monday."
"He'll be popular in the drunk tank," I laughed.
"John, this isn't helping. What am I going to do?"
"Shit Lana, why ask me?"
"Come on John, Lis is your sister too. If you won't do it for me, do it for her."
"That's low, even for you Lana. Shit, you know how much I love you both, but this is asking too much," I said shaking my head.
"Johnny," her eyes begged me.
"Why don't you reschedule, or better yet, go to one of the clubs that already has a dancer?" I suggested.
"We already paid for the private club, it cost me five hundred dollars," she pled.
"Man, it sucks to be you."
"Asshole," she pouted some more.
"Hey, there's no need for name calling," I scolded.
"I'm sorry John, but I'm out of options. I wanted everything to be perfect. A girl only gets married once... Well, it's her first wedding anyway. The white gown, the church..."
"Why don't you get Harry to do it? He's your husband, I'll bet you could talk him into it," I volunteered.
"Oh right, I might as well ask Dad too. I love Harry and all, but you've never seen him without clothes... Come on John," she continued to beg.
"This is crazy Lana, everyone would recognize me if I did it."
Her eyes brightened, she knew she had me now. I'd said "if", it was just a matter of time until she wore me down. "No they wouldn't, you could wear a mask or a fake beard," she reasoned.
"I... still don't know. Don't you think it's kind of sick? I mean, having your brother..."
"I know what you're thinking, and no it's not. At least as long as no one knows, and besides, it's not like you're going to have sex with her. It'll be just a little harmless touching and maybe a lap dance..."
"Whoa, whose idea is the lap dance?" I asked.
"You can do this John, I know you can. It's just going to be a few close friends. Just a few minutes out of your life to make your little sister's wedding experience perfect."
This was among the stupider, did I already ask you if that was a real word? Forget it, things I'd ever considered. I could see the whole thing playing out in my mind. I just knew things were going to go haywire and I was going to be the one that was blamed for ruining my sister Lisa's life. It wouldn't matter that Lana was the instigator. I still can't believe that she talked me into this.
With less than two hours 'til show time, I headed to the adult video store for a few items. I would need a disguise, something to hide my face at least, and I would need a thong. I figured if I showed enough skin, none of the horny women would look at my face anyway.
My whole costume fit in a small, and I do mean small, bag. A fake moustache, a mask that was nothing more than a Do-rag with eyeholes, and a very brief black thong. I hoped I would come off as a sort of stripped down version of Zorro, without the sword and horse of course.
On the drive to the club, my stomach was doing cartwheels. I was having very serious doubts about even being able to walk out on the stage. My plan was to go on fast and circulate through the small crowd. Lana had said there would only be a few close friends. I would bump a little here, and grind a little there. Touch a few girls' cheeks, and get the hell out of there.
Lana met me at the back door of the club. With my little bag in hand, I entered the dingy dressing room. It was more of a broom closet than anything. There wasn't even a mirror, so Lana helped me glue the moustache on straight. She tied the knot on the mask and adjusted it, I felt like a little kid at Halloween, however, the trick or treat process would be substantially modified.
I started to remove my shirt and Lana watched with interest, "I think I can take it from here."
"A little modest are we?" she smiled.
"Hey, I don't see you taking off any of your clothes, so what's this we shit? At least turn around so I can squeeze into this slingshot."
For all of you guy's that have never worn this type of garment, well, it ain't all that comfortable. As men, we spend half our lives trying to keep our underwear out of the crack of our ass; well this little thing was designed to be there.
"Wow! Not bad little bro," Lana smiled.
"Perv!"
"If I would have known that's what was in the next bedroom when I was a teenager..." she teased.
"Don't even say it. I don't want to know," I chided.
"Oh come on John, don't tell me that you never thought about it. Lis is a total babe and I wasn't too bad myself back then."
"Knock it off Lana, I'm this close to chickening out," I said, with my thumb and forefinger held tightly together.
"Ok, but just so you know, I did think about it, you know, you and me..."
Jeezus, how the hell was I supposed to get my head around this revelation? Up to now, I thought I had a normal family... Shit, who am I trying to kid? Of course I thought about Lana, and Lisa too for that matter. Oh, and lets not forget about Aunt Helen, my mom's younger sister. At least Mom was never involved in one of my fantasy fuckfests.
"Here, drink this," Lana handed me a triple tequila, "A little liquid courage."
I downed it in one swallow, it burned all the way to my toes.
She kissed me on the cheek; "I'll never forget this."
"Oh yes you will, I don't ever want to hear a word of this, not ever," I said seriously.
She pinched my ass and left to join the crowd. Well, this was it, the moment of truth. Maybe I should slip out the back, "Run John run." Oh just do it, how bad could it be?
Well, let me tell you how bad it was. When I jumped out on stage, those few close friends turned into about fifty half drunk screaming women. The lights were bright, but I spotted Lana giving me a thumb's up. I tried to remember my old routine, "Ha, what routine," I never had a set dance. The music was loud, Joan Jett I think.
What the fuck was I doing there? "Shake your ass John, do something you idiot". I cleared the voices from my head and shook my booty. I could hear hoots and screams; maybe I was doing ok. Hey this isn't so hard, move your arms a little.
The music changed, "I'm too sexy for my..." GOD NO! I hate this song. The DJ wasn't going to make this easy. I was struttin' my stuff, I swear I was trying to make it look like I had a clue. The sweat was making my skin glisten, the girls were getting louder. I heard someone yell. "Take it off!"
"Hey this isn't so bad," I thought as a few dollar bills were thrown onto the stage. I quickly got the hang things and picked up a couple of dollars and stuffed them in my thong. This really stirred the girls up, as a few actually came close to the stage to insert the money themselves.
I worked the crowd shaking my butt back and forth across the small stage, then came more girls with more money. More grinding, a few hip thrusts, "Lose the scrotum wrap," I heard. I grabbed my bulge and shook it at the crowd.
It was time for a little payback, Lana was going to get the first lap dance. When the music changed, I stepped off the stage and went straight for her. She tried to pull away, but there was no way I was going to be denied. With big sister parked on a chair at center stage, the room went crazy. I could barely hear the music over the cheers when I started to rub my bare skin on Lana.
Lana shot me a dirty look that just fueled the fire. As you may have guessed by now, I was more than a little excited. In the skimpy thong, it was apparent to all the hungry eyes in the house just how excited I was. I wasn't sure how far I was willing to go, but Lana got up close and personal with my package. My semi- erection was millimeters from her mouth. Would she? Thank God she didn't.
We were both reprieved from what might have happened when another woman came up on stage. I felt her hands on my ass and saw a fifty dollar bill wave in front of my eyes. For fifty, this woman deserved a little attention of her own. Lana made a hasty retreat as I turned and planted a kiss on the generous woman. We kissed hard and I almost shit when my aunt shoved the bill down the front of my thong.
