Growing up, I wasn't a hugger. I wasn't a holder or an expressive person. I was always the quiet one. One reason why Matt and I were always a good duo was because Matt was the one who spoke for both of us. Even when we went off to different colleges and earned our degrees, we remained good friends. He was the best man at my first wedding to Missy. It was a few years after that he told me about his idea for our company and we started working on it. We shared bro hugs occasionally, but it was still us being guys and that was fine.
Missy was the first one I started to open up with. I fell for her almost immediately. As much as I tried to remain the quiet one, she had the ability to bust through that wall and see me on the inside. Even when Aubrey tried to talk her out of dating me after an altercation where I defended her honor, Missy still saw me. She knew how to allow me to be driven and when to stay back while my demons took control. Her hugs were the best. I felt secure when she held me and allowed me to let the façade down even if for a little while. Still, she was selfish in a way because she never encouraged me to show it to the world. She knew that I couldn't do it at that time, so she relished the fact that she was the only one who would ever see it. Or so she thought.
When she left us due to cancer, I was left without a release. There was no one I could ever show my true self to, I thought. I was content to stay in my house that she and I built and remain there alone for the rest of my days. Leo the Lion was safe in his cave. There I could mourn in peace. I could still immerse myself in work and take a break in private when the emotions became too much. Matt knew I was wounded, so he kept his difference even though he checked on me quite often. My other friends also knew enough that I needed space. For a time, I thought that would be the norm.
Missy, being the clever girl she was, started talking to Marcie months before everything happened. Missy was the catalyst that started the friendship that Marcie and I first developed. I would try to hang out with Mitchell, but it was only because Missy wanted to hang out with Marcie. Marcie was a charming lady. She was always so kind and so loving in a friend sense. One of the deals the girls worked out was that Marcie could use the pool while Mitchell was at work. I think the pool times without the guys was where they had many conversations. It seemed fate that Missy and Mitchell discovered their cancers at a similar time. Marcie and I both became each other's support system after that. We would be there for each other to help our spouses.
Marcie knew about Missy's condition before I did. I discovered that she was the one who told her to talk to my therapist about it before she broke it to me. Marcie told me this later when we were opening about the pain we felt. I also didn't discover until later that Missy was telling Marcie more about me than I thought I'd allow her to. It was as if Missy wanted to share me with Marcie like a gift. I think that's why the first day happened the way it did. Missy knew that in the end, I needed Marcie in my life because she knew what would happen if I were left to my own devices.
Trust me, it wasn't automatic. That first month without Missy was difficult. I tried to be there as much for Marcie as I could. I knew my safe haven was my house whenever I started getting more emotional than I could handle. The punching bag was there and well-used during that month. Then we lost Mitchell. It was then our friendship started growing.
