It's 2am and it's already been a long day. Austin had just come home and I heard him rattling in the kitchen. I breathed out a long sigh and wiped my face, still feeling a little bit of my previous tears on my cheeks. I blow out a breath get out of bed, making my way downstairs in one of his shirts and my panties. We'd been fighting for the past week or so and I was ready to stop. I wanted my husband back. Earlier I had put on his favorite pair of my panties and waited on the bed like he liked, but by the time 8pm had rolled around, I figured out that he wouldn't be home any time soon. I knew that he had a lot of work to do, but I wanted him to make time for me too. I had thrown on one of his flannel shirts to keep warm and tried to fall asleep, but it just wouldn't come.
I snuck down the stairs and looked over the banister at him. He was wearing his work jeans and had peeled off his shirt. He was washing his dishes from his late dinner after a long day of working at the ranch. His short blondish brown hair was tousled from a long day and I could see a large scrape on the right side of his lower back, probably from one of the horses. He had a bouquet of flowers sitting on the counter next to him. He braced the sink and looked down, blowing out a long breath. I snuck further down the stairs and he turned his head slightly when I made my way behind him. I wrapped my arms around his bare waist in a soft embrace, being careful not to brush against his cut.
"Hey babe, I didn't mean to wake you," he said softly in his low, rough voice. He caressed my forearm with one hand, sending shivers down my spine.
I knew why he was walking on eggshells. We'd been off lately and things had been tense because he'd been wanting us to start trying to have a baby. The last time we'd talked the conversation ended with him telling me to forget the whole thing and that he had to go to work. I had wanted to make my peace offering by waiting for him like I did, but that plan didn't work. I pressed my cheek into his bare shoulder, not even close to his height while he towered over me at 6'4". His tan skin was getting darker now that it was summer and he was working for hours in the sun. He had a little stubble since he didn't have time to shave after we had argued.
"Hi," I murmured, pressing my cheek against against his bare shoulder harder. I'd been wide away for hours waiting for him to get back. I'd been trying to think of what to say to him, but I couldn't come up with the words. "Are those flowers for me?" I asked. I kissed his shoulder gently and lazily dragged my fingers up and down his toned stomach.
"They died a little..." he said sheepishly as he turned to face me. "They looked prettier in the store." His fingers traced down my back as he pulled me against him. "How was your day?" He asked, leaning back against the sick and yanking me toward him so I fell against his chest. I could feel his slow and steady heartbeat against my fingers.
"A little rough, but alright. Just long. You know how it goes teaching kids," I laughed a little. I leaned into his embrace and closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat steadily. I took a deep breath. "I love the flowers by the way. They're beautiful." While I loved wearing his clothes, being held by him for real was much much better. "How was your day? You look a little banged up." I pulled back slightly to look down at his midsection that had raw bruises and dirt burns.
"The horses gave me a little trouble today. Got tossed against the wall pretty good. The season is coming to an end though, so I'll be around more, don't you worry darlin'." He drawled, kissing my forehead before lifting me by my thighs and carrying me toward the stairs to our bedroom. He set my down gently on the edge of the rumpled bed and turned to the bathroom to wash up for bed.
I sat there, listening to him turn on the shower and let out a long sigh as he got ready. He didn't close the bathroom door, so I watched as he dropped his pants and underwear and stepped into the shower. He scrubbed his hair, shampoo dripping down his chest and sliding down further... I felt myself growing wet at the sight. I blew out a breath and collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying not to cry at my heartache. I heard the shower shut off and continued to look at the ceiling as I heard him in the closet, pulling on a pair of boxer briefs before sliding into bed with me.
I felt his strong arm pull my closer and plaster me to his side. He pressed his nose into my hair and took in a deep breath, seeking comfort. I knew already that he would be a great dad. I was the one who was terrified. I spent my whole day with kids constantly feeling like I wasn't doing enough for them, and I was terrified of being a terrible mom. I had witnessed first hands how terrible parents could screw up their children and I didn't want that. But when I looked up at him, his eyes closed and face relaxed, I knew how much love he had in him that he wanted to share with another little member of our family.
"You know it's because I'm scared, right?" I whispered, my voice cracking.
He didn't open his eyes when I spoke, but I knew he heard me. A few tears ran down the side of my face and dripped onto his chest. I felt his chest rumble and he held me closer, bringing his other arm around me to embrace me. "I'm sorry," he murmured, "I shouldn't have pressed. I was wrong to try to convince you before you're ready to start trying." He leaned down to kiss my forehead softly, brushing the tears from my eyes. "I won't bring it up against until you're ready," he whispered in a slow, soothing voice.
That only made me cry more. "I just don't want to screw up. What if I'm a terrible mother? What if I get everything wrong? What if... I disappoint you?"
He laughed, which surprised me, and pulled me fully on top of his chest. "Baby, you are the biggest perfectionist I know. Even if you mess up it'll be ok. Hell I'm gonna mess up all the time. All that matters is we give our family all of our love and everything will be fine. You could never disappoint me. You are everything to me, Grace." He ran his fingers through my hair, soothing me. "You know what a fuck up I was and you set me straight. Going the way I was going I would have ended up in an early grave. You were my saving Grace, as you've always been. I've always wanted a family and I can't think of a single woman who would be better than you to have one with. You know I ain't got a family of my own growin' up. We would give our baby everything."
I nodded, my tears only growing at his sweet words. I knew he was right and my fears were probably natural. I pressed myself closer to his warm body, which was extremely nice is the cool breeze of the fall evening.
"But if you're not ready, we can wait," he conceded.
"You don't have to wait a few more months to ask me," I whispered, tracing my fingers down his chest. "Ask me again."
In a flash, I was on my back and he was towering over me, caging me in with those huge muscular arms that could be so gentle at the same time. His brows were drawn, his face hopeful but wary. "Are you sure this is what you want?" He whispered, dropping to his elbows and caressing my cheek with one thumb. His other hand was in my hair, tugging gently. "I don't want to push you before you're ready."
"Yes, I'm sure." I whispered, leaning up to kiss the tip of his nose. "Ask me again."
He gulped in anticipation and his hazel eyes stared into mine like he was the cutest puppy on the whole planet. "Can we make a baby?" He whispered, the words quiet in actuality, but they felt loud in this room.
"Yes," I answered, ending his anticipation. "I'm sorry about the last time you asked me. I was caught off guard. I've always wanted to get pregnant, but I just had to think about when I wanted to. But I realize that now is as good as any time and there's nothing more that I want than your baby inside of me," I whispered. I moved my face closer to his and pressed our foreheads and noses together. He eyes were squeezed shut and his jaw tight, overcome with his emotions in this moment. "I love you," I pecked his lips with my own.
