I'd like to thank all of you for giving this story a chance. I appreciate all the feedback below both parts. The final part is here and all Vida's secrets will be revealed. But whether she and Gunnar would stay together or the secret would cause even more problems - you have to read it - to find out! :)
This story wouldn't be that smooth if not for my wonderful editors: Bunkerhill and Arontrask78 - I am forever grateful!! Special thanks to Bunkerhill who agreed to work on such a crazy long story - 50k words! Thank you so much!
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Vida's phone was dead all day Saturday. And for Sunday too. And for Monday as well. Nothing.
Nada
. No signal and only a robotic female voice tormenting me with her phrase: 'please try again...' So I was trying - during those three days I was calling her almost every hour, while mentally struggling.
First of all, I simply worried for Vida's safety. Terrifying thoughts were haunting me all the time. She sounded so ominous at the end! What if she left my apartment and something horrible happened to her? An accident? Or some wacko assaulted her? Miami is not the safest city in the US, right? These visions were mortifying. I tried to rationalize them with various scenarios that her phone just got broken, or she lost it or even, in the worst case, someone stole it. But Vida was fine, healthy, and unharmed. That's what I was convincing myself to think.
But to be honest, I felt powerless. This situation didn't differ much from that before the party - the fact that this time I had Vida's number didn't change anything. I still had no way to contact her. Even if she would turn on her phone, she could have just... not answered it. Actually, I would expect her not to pick up my calls, considering the way she left my place.
I didn't know where she lived and basically, there were only two spots where I could have met her - the gym and that fucking Seven-Eleven in Flagrami district.
So, I tried the first place on Saturday. Because of my nervousness I even forgot about the futsal session and just stood my friends up. I went to the gym almost an hour earlier than usual and stayed there until closing. I wasn't focused on workout, it didn't matter.
Vida didn't show up.
And the same went with Sunday and Monday. However, I kept going to the gym for the next few days, trying different hours. But it was all in vain.
I also tried to... it sounds really pathetic when I say it out loud... to sit in my car in the parking lot next to that Seven-Eleven, where I dropped Vida every time. I spent almost two hours there, watching people going in and out and from time to time, walking around the supermarket and areas nearby. But not only was it futile, it also made me feel like an idiot. Like a complete moron and even a creepy stalker. After one attempt I abandoned that idea. I would rather not let myself be controlled by some teenage obsession. It wasn't me.
I thought that there would be a better chance with the gym and I even asked the chicks at the reception if Vida showed up there, under the pretext that I found something in the parking lot, which I believed was hers. But they couldn't help me, probably because of personal data protection policy.
However, did Vida really dump me if we even weren't really together? Can a relationship which doesn't even exist be broken like that? Her note, if it even can be called that, didn't say anything about her not wanting to see me again, only that she was sorry.
I didn't get it, that evening was so great, everything between us seemed to be on the right track! I felt her real emotions! Her real self! And she decided to get away from it after that?!
Vida's disappearance made me go through the modified version of five stages of grief. First one - was fear - like I said, I was worried about her. Who wouldn't be? But after a week of searching for her and also following the local news about accidents, missing persons and so on, I was sure that nothing bad happened to her.
Vida simply ran away.
And that conclusion put me in the second stage - anger. I felt hurt and deceived. Again, who could really blame me for feeling that way?
Vida didn't want to continue whatever was between us? Fine! She should say so! I would have been able to accept it after some time. It wouldn't be easy because I really started to fall in love with her, but I would have swallowed that bitter pill somehow. I was a grown up man. I had coping mechanisms. But she did that in... a cowardly way. I believed that I deserved some closure. Some explanations. To hear the truth, even if it would be hurtful!
I was aware that there had to be something tragic behind her reasons, but whatever it was, she really could tell me, in particular, if she wanted to end our... thing. Just to be clear and honest with me.
Although, next time a thought about the Vida's mystery came to my mind, I went into phase three - sadness. My anger subsided, at least temporarily, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her.
I knew that Vida truly suffered because of whatever she was struggling with. Two things she said were coming to me over and over again.
'Enjoy it while it lasts' and that dilemma of hers, the choice between being selfish and dishonest or being happy. I couldn't get rid of the crushing thought that Vida was terminally ill. Many pieces of information seemed to fit that theory. She didn't want to invest fully into a relationship, she didn't want to undertake the steps people who date each other normally take. How long did it take until she even gave me her phone number? And there were the migraines she was suffering from. She was taking a really huge amount of strong painkillers on a daily basis.
But there were other clues that were suggesting something else. Vida seemed to have low self-esteem concerning her education, job and her personality too. She was judging herself really harshly, like she spoke about not being a good match for anybody. That she was far from being an angel.
And she was very secretive about her relatives, her parents in particular. Was she coming out of some pathological family and was ashamed of it? Addicts? Domestic violence in the picture?
The next week I was on the continuous emotional rollercoaster. I felt as if I was being tossed between sadness and anger, and overall depression. Completely deflated, I was going to the gym everyday, but Vida didn't show up.
Finally, the fourth stage came - resignation. I was slowly giving up hope that I would meet Vida again. And it was tearing up my heart. I only stronger realized that I missed her. That I had true feelings for her. And I wanted her in my life. But life had different plans for me. Yup, that didn't sound pompous at all.
I knew what the fifth stage was. Acceptation for the loss. But I didn't feel that I was ready for it.
***
After those nearly two weeks of struggle, my life eventually came back to normal, more or less. I wasn't happy, I didn't make peace with it yet, but I had no other choice than to live the way I had lived before I met Vida. Which was pretty dull. It was only a sad reminder how exciting those days were when I was meeting with her.
