[Β©2010 BY CLINTON09; ALL CHARACTERS OVER THE AGE OF 18; NO EVENTS DESCRIBED ARE TRUE]
C and C (Carl and Candy, nΓ©e Candace) were at their traditional seats in the pew, front and center. The church service went well; no one had nodded off to sleep and most everyone was there in spite of the important NFL playoff game set for one hour later. It appears the church wives prevailed upon their men to forego the pre-game show for a little churching up.
In the parking lot, C and C's friends were having their usual gossip fab, everything from the boring sermon to the shaky finances of the church itself. Also, it appears that their best friend's daughter was in the family way, even though she was not married or even going 'steady' with anyone. As the friends thinned out with the herd going home to NFL football or to Denny's and IHOP, all that remained was their REAL friend, Megan.
Megan: "So, Candy, how does it go on the baby front, now that you two both crossed into the forbidden over-40 zone?"
Candy: [looking down at the broken pavement of the church parking lot] "It's not going so well. Either we are too busy, too bored, or something else. Frankly, I think we are too scared...we might get into perfect position, everything correct, and fail. At this point, it looks like we are losing the battle against time."
Megan: "I have one suggestion: the Honeymoon Inn. It is a bed and breakfast out in the country about 35 miles from here. They specialize in helping newlyweds and 2nd honeymooners do fantasy, play acting, all sorts of fun. Their promise is, you will have fun or it's free. They say they don't issue many refunds, either."
Carl: "I don't know; sounds like there still would be pressure. Ok, we'll try it, we'll try anything at this point."
The conservative Buick LeSabre carted Carl and Candy out to the Honeymoon Inn. At least the landscape was colorful, with rolling hills resplendent with pine trees, immaculate fields of lettuce and strawberries, and irrigation ponds replete with migratory ducks.
At check-in, the couple were seated and made comfortable; the questionnaire they had to fill out was lengthy. At the end, they had to sign a disclaimer and release that the inn was not liable for any damages to person or property insofar as they are performing their role as host and entertainment director.
Carl: "Anything strike you as odd?"
Candy: "Sure; they gave you a different questionnaire than me; yours asks in every way but directly if you ever had a 'go' at your mum, or wanted to. It also asked you if you had a daughter or if you did, would you have a go at her. You can't get odder than that."
Carl: "Well there is something that both our questionnaires kept asking, if you didn't notice. They kept asking if you are healthy, any diagnosed illness, any history of heart problems...I wonder what kind of 'fun' they have in mind?"
With their luggage in their suite, the two were led to a neutral room where hotel personnel (OK, one person) was making them up. The first play was daughter/daddy; it looked like Carl and Candy would enjoy a little of that, even though they had had no daughter of their own. Candy's conservative blonde hairdo was turned into two big ponytails on either side. She also got big innocent looking rosy cheeks, a dress from Hello Kitty, a teddy bear, and Jelly shoes. Carl was given a grey one piece gritty work outfit.
Carl: "This is so silly; I can't remember a script, let alone perform it. You look cute, and kind of sexy, but it's also kind of silly. I can't keep a straight face.
Candy: "You can at least try; my God, they went to a lot of trouble to make me look 20 again."
Carl: "If you looked 20, I wouldn't feel so funny; you look like you're 11 and I'm some sort of bad teacher preying on his charges. I just can't do this."
Candy was disappointed. The hotel staff that had done such a stand-up job were less than thrilled too. They had one more try (you were always granted two scenarios before you would get your refund, if you insisted on giving up).