Honeymoon Inn

[©2010 BY CLINTON09; ALL CHARACTERS OVER THE AGE OF 18; NO EVENTS DESCRIBED ARE TRUE]

C and C (Carl and Candy, née Candace) were at their traditional seats in the pew, front and center. The church service went well; no one had nodded off to sleep and most everyone was there in spite of the important NFL playoff game set for one hour later. It appears the church wives prevailed upon their men to forego the pre-game show for a little churching up.

In the parking lot, C and C's friends were having their usual gossip fab, everything from the boring sermon to the shaky finances of the church itself. Also, it appears that their best friend's daughter was in the family way, even though she was not married or even going 'steady' with anyone. As the friends thinned out with the herd going home to NFL football or to Denny's and IHOP, all that remained was their REAL friend, Megan.

Megan: "So, Candy, how does it go on the baby front, now that you two both crossed into the forbidden over-40 zone?"

Candy: [looking down at the broken pavement of the church parking lot] "It's not going so well. Either we are too busy, too bored, or something else. Frankly, I think we are too scared...we might get into perfect position, everything correct, and fail. At this point, it looks like we are losing the battle against time."

Megan: "I have one suggestion: the Honeymoon Inn. It is a bed and breakfast out in the country about 35 miles from here. They specialize in helping newlyweds and 2nd honeymooners do fantasy, play acting, all sorts of fun. Their promise is, you will have fun or it's free. They say they don't issue many refunds, either."

Carl: "I don't know; sounds like there still would be pressure. Ok, we'll try it, we'll try anything at this point."

The conservative Buick LeSabre carted Carl and Candy out to the Honeymoon Inn. At least the landscape was colorful, with rolling hills resplendent with pine trees, immaculate fields of lettuce and strawberries, and irrigation ponds replete with migratory ducks.

At check-in, the couple were seated and made comfortable; the questionnaire they had to fill out was lengthy. At the end, they had to sign a disclaimer and release that the inn was not liable for any damages to person or property insofar as they are performing their role as host and entertainment director.

Carl: "Anything strike you as odd?"

Candy: "Sure; they gave you a different questionnaire than me; yours asks in every way but directly if you ever had a 'go' at your mum, or wanted to. It also asked you if you had a daughter or if you did, would you have a go at her. You can't get odder than that."

Carl: "Well there is something that both our questionnaires kept asking, if you didn't notice. They kept asking if you are healthy, any diagnosed illness, any history of heart problems...I wonder what kind of 'fun' they have in mind?"

With their luggage in their suite, the two were led to a neutral room where hotel personnel (OK, one person) was making them up. The first play was daughter/daddy; it looked like Carl and Candy would enjoy a little of that, even though they had had no daughter of their own. Candy's conservative blonde hairdo was turned into two big ponytails on either side. She also got big innocent looking rosy cheeks, a dress from Hello Kitty, a teddy bear, and Jelly shoes. Carl was given a grey one piece gritty work outfit.

Carl: "This is so silly; I can't remember a script, let alone perform it. You look cute, and kind of sexy, but it's also kind of silly. I can't keep a straight face.

Candy: "You can at least try; my God, they went to a lot of trouble to make me look 20 again."

Carl: "If you looked 20, I wouldn't feel so funny; you look like you're 11 and I'm some sort of bad teacher preying on his charges. I just can't do this."

Candy was disappointed. The hotel staff that had done such a stand-up job were less than thrilled too. They had one more try (you were always granted two scenarios before you would get your refund, if you insisted on giving up).

This time, CARL was made up to be young, with a crew cut, shorts, Keds kid's sneakers, slingshot, marbles, and other boyish things. Candy was made up to look OLDER, not younger. Her bust, which was actually not bad at 36D but normally was hidden beneath conservative dresses, was brought front and center. The low cut house rag was very revealing, almost down to the nipples. Obviously Candy was to fill in for Carl's mom, and Carl was to play himself. The hotel knew what any psychology 101 student knew; whoever you are, if you were male and raised by a mom, you had thoughts about her that you might not want to have publicized.

Carl: "I hate to admit it, but this is not bad. [he stared down Candy's ample boobs, his eyes actually popping out a little, as was she in that outfit.] As silliness goes, I could live with this." He caressed Candy intimately for the first time that weekend.

Candy: "Carl, sweetie, you've been rather naughty this week, and I don't appreciate the way you're looking at mommy. I think I am going to have to punish you. Now, pull down those pants and let me spank you."

Carl: "Do you HAVE TO?" He dutifully pulled down his pants and lay over her lap.

Candy swatted him, gently, five times.

Candy: "There now, let that be a lesson to you. Oh my, my little Carl, you feel so solid, so firm, have you been working out without mommy knowing?"

Carl grabs Candy; his hand shyly goes to her bust, imposing his hand between her two perfect breasts, going inside the blouse front to feel her throbbing nipples. Meanwhile, he was kissing her. The kiss was mild as lovers go, but more daring than a son should give his mom certainly. Of course, a good son wouldn't be putting his hand down his mom's blouse either...

Wordlessly, Carl stood up his 'mommy' and led her to the bed. Carefully undoing her dress, he removed it and neatly folded it on the divan near the bed. He lovingly removed her underthings and placed them neatly on top of that pile. Removing his boyish shorts and team t-shirt, folding them neatly onto the same divan, Carl pushed his 'mommy' onto the bed and mounted her. His manhood which was normally five inches was five inches.

Putting Candy ('mommy') in the missionary position like in a text book, he began a very measured motion. Their lips met, it was just like every other time they did it. Damn, even this scenario was not panning out. They had tried two, the limit, and nada. Sure, there was passion, and Carl's 5 inch 'visitor' to Candy certainly rose to the occasion. The problem was, since the visitor made his 'liquid delivery' while still barely inside of Candy, the odds of anything happening on the baby front were dismal. It looked like they had failure number two.

Carl fell over with his traditional huffing and puffing. Candy just lay there with her traditional sighing and equivocating. As they both looked up into the unfamiliar white ceiling, Candy wondered.

Candy: "I think we have used up all the goodwill we have from these folks. I almost feel guilty asking for our deposit back...they did try so hard and did THEIR part well. I wonder if their track record IS all that good, or if their visitors, like us, just feel guilty about demanding refunds."

Carl: [equally philosophical and mellowed out] "I don't know; I would have to think that..."

Just then, panic! The hallway came into view as the door was kicked open. Their part of the inn was cut off from others so they were unprotected. At check-in they had been told about the only incidents that ever occurred here: that in the past was a small fire in a storage room and an armed robbery that had a couple lose their wallets and a gold Rolex.

To their alarm, the door had been kicked in and this man with a stocking mask stormed in. He was sporting a Glock automatic 9mm. pistol. He didn't seem lost, like he was just looking for the interstate.

Burglar: "I could tell there was some white bread couple in these digs; God aren't you two a sight. All you need is a pitch fork and you could pose for that pathetic old picture of a Midwestern couple. Let's cut the shit, I want your wallets, your watches, and anything else of value. And that's NOW!"

You never saw anyone move faster than the two of them, yielding up wallets, a purse, 1 Rolex(fake), 1 Ladies Gruen (real), 2 bottles of perfume (Joy, Arpege), and Carl's prized possession, a program signed by all of the Chicago Bulls including Michael Jordan himself.

Carl: "Ok, you have our stuff; now please let us go."

Burglar: "Sure,sure...wait, umm, you [Carl] get over there and sit down and shut the fuck up!" [he does] You [Candy] come over here. [she does] Now you take off that dress. I think I am going to like this." He pawed at the gorgeous globes that nature had bestowed upon the otherwise modest Candy.

Just then, Carl makes a lunge for the burglar. The burglar hits him with the flat side of the automatic, giving Carl a battered nose with noticeable bleeding.

Burglar: "I said sit down! [he cycles the gun menacingly; a bullet is ejected and the hammer cocked.] Now, bitch, you are going to find that you don't have any sex problems, you NEVER had any sex problems, only a problem husband."

He grabs her roughly. In desperation, Carl jumps back up (since the gun had been put down) and attacks the invader. His first punch knocks him out cold. The couple stare in shocked amazement, Carl in particular hyperventilating. The door is still open, the shock still in the air. Carl grabs the gun and puts it away in the nightstand drawer.

Carl: "Are you, are you alright?"

Candy: "Yes, I am alright...but YOU, you are a mess. I'm going to go get you a wet towel and..."

As she gets up, Carl grabs her to her utter amazement. He was surprised too, not at her reaction but at his own. He kind of liked that.

Carl: "Get back on that bed, now! You hear me!"

Candy: [looking surprised, apprehensive, even terrified] "Have you gone insane? Has that robber infected YOU with something?"

Carl: [grabbing her dress by the lapels] "Enough talking, I want you nude...I fucking want you NUDE!!" [he rips her dress to tatters; the bra is history and the panties are a thin rolled up thread of nylon by the time he yanks them off her slender ankles and perfect smooth feet.]

Carl: "Get in the center of that bed and I swear, if you give me trouble, your nose will look worse than mine!"

Frightened, confused, she obeyed.

Carl mounts Candy roughly. Instead of the usual laying on top and placidly doing a few movements, he roughly rolls her back towards the bed post. With her rolled so that her matronly but still very shapely legs are pinned underneath him, her beautiful smooth feet at either side of his head, he plunges in, his [now, for once] seven inch cock an invading force to be reckoned with. It is just big enough to tap, tap, tap near the cervix. With all of his might, his weight all concentrated being on top and pushing down, he could just brush against her sensitive back walls. Looking down at his teary eyed wife, her expression changed almost magically. Wordlessly, she understood. He had not gone insane. He had had an epiphany, his role as man brought forth finally. When she kissed him, he returned the kiss. When they looked at each other, she quaked, she shook, and he knew he had to join in. The long delayed event happened; he came with the power of a male animal determined to spawn, to breed this female. His potent seed had been brought closer to the target than ever. They had never been supplied in such overwhelming volume either.

When Carl fell off Candy, he wasn't sure of anything except that that was the best sex, the FIRST sex, that they had ever had. Just then, it occurred to them. The robber was still there!! They both looked up but noticed that the robber was gone. He had also closed the door neatly.

Carl got up. He noticed that their wallets and watches were all put into a drawer that they could not see from bed but one that was easy to spot once they got off the bed. He bent down to pick up the bullet. He was no armaments specialist, but he could see...the bullet was only a cartridge, the bullet end a wavy piece of brass that would go nowhere...a blank. They had been had...it was all the hotel's doing.

He told Candy what he had figured out. For some reason they cried at the same instant. The temerity of this 'ploy'. It was so unprofessional, so dangerous, so...effective. They had never been happier together.

They left the hotel almost immediately after they pulled their things together. At checkout, no one brought anything up. It was hotel tradition that whatever happens here, stays here. That the over 40-ish couple left, holding hands was reward enough for the staff. Of course, their American Express card covered the rest, but the satisfaction of 'cracking a really hard nut' such as their problem was an additional reward.

As they drove home in their dowdy Buick, they still held hands. Their marriage had NOT been restored...it had been established for the first time. What more could they ask for?

Well, there WAS one thing more...they hadn't asked for it specifically, but they wanted it more than anything else in existence. On the way home, while Candy was debating whether to stop at that burger joint or wait for a real restaurant, unknown to Candy or Carl, she conceived that child that they had always dreamt of, and tried so long and so hard to create...