Eva

Sorry I've slowed down a bit recently; I'm having some health issues and it's making it harder to concentrate on my writing. This chapter is a difficult one to write, as our newlyweds are facing a very trying time right off the bat. But I think true love will prevail!

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Over the next two days much had to be done between dad and me. We called to rent 18 folding chairs for the week. We brought in two women to really clean everything spic and span; it had been getting a little messy with all the people and everything that had to be done for my mom. Dad, Cammy and I had to go to the bank to change some accounts, while Eva held the fort at home. Things that just eat at you when you lose someone so vital in your life.

In the afternoons on Friday and Saturday, people stopped by informally, close friends and some family. Eva, God bless her, kept running the household things, cooking, keeping track of condolence cards, the little things that make a house run. We couldn't have gotten by so well without her. But I also felt guilty laying it all on her. She wasn't my wife two weeks yet and all this was falling on her. Her mom and my aunt Annette helped out, but it wasn't fair at all to Eva.

Saturday night, before the funeral, we were lying in bed, kind of squished together. My bed was a full size, not ideal for a couple to sleep in every night. Not that we minded being so close. We were quiet, thinking about the next day; it was hard to not think about it. Maybe it was how close we were in bed, the scent of the perfume she had put on that morning that still lingered on her neck...whatever it was, she was my wife and my love and I wanted her. I needed her. So I started tracking her neck and shoulders very lightly with the tips of my fingers, sending shivers down her spine.

"Bear, what are you doing? You know what that does to me?"

"Yes I do. Can't you tell? I'm seducing my wife. My wife...I could say that a thousand times a day, thinking about you."

"Not that I'm not appreciative and I'm certainly in the mood, but do you think we should tonight?"

"My Angel, I want you. I want my wife. I want to take care of you because I love you so much and I am so thankful for your place in our lives. You're making things a little easier on all of us. If I believed in god, I'd say you were a gift from God. I really want to do this, honey. For the next week, during Shiva, no sex. Nothing that feels good. Besides, I'm going to be growing a beard- no shaving- and you might not find me so attractive during the next month. (No grooming was supposed to be allowed during the month of mourning, but no way would any of us not shower every day. That was just too much to ask of us.)

"I'd find you handsome looking like a grizzly bear." She turned on her side, facing me, and we touched each others cheeks. "Are you sure, Bear? We have to be pretty quiet." She nodded her head to the wall over our heads. Cammy's bedroom was on the other side of that wall.

"We can be quiet. But I want you, honey. I need you. And I need to be good to you."

Eva kissed me, a long, soft kiss that thrilled me all over. "My big, handsome Bear. You're always good to me, since the afternoon we met. Not yet a year ago. It's been the best year of my life. Except for right now. I'm glad I could be here for you and your family." Another big kiss. "Now make love to your wife, husband. I love saying that too."

We didn't need to get naked. Her panties came off, as did my briefs, we both left our tops on and we kissed with deep desire. Eva truly turned me on through my mind and my soul, the best way to arouse someone. I was hard in no time and when I touched her pussy, her moisture was already forming. She bit her lip as my fingers glided along her labia as she tried to suppress the loudest of her moans. Then she wrapped her right hand around my shaft and did the equivalent to me of what I was doing to her. A light but very arousing touch all along my cock, with her thumb doing special things to the head. I also had to try to suppress the loudest of my sounds.

We kissed harder, our lips and tongues made wet sounds that filled the small room (too small for two people, really) as Eva rolled on her back, bringing me with her so my knees were between her open legs and my cock was aimed at it's home. We kept kissing, the best way to stifle our loudest sounds, as my cock touched her pussy and then passed through her opening into her depths. Eva let out a louder moan as I bottomed out inside her and she lifted her ass off the bed, trying to get every millimeter of me inside her pussy. Her legs, not long but very shapely, wrapped around my upper thighs and held me still. "Stay like this, Bear" she said staring up into my brown eyes. "Just like this. It's tantric, making love without much motion. Let's see how long we can do this." To make her point, she pushed down on my dick with her muscles and it was my turn to moan louder than I wanted to.

"Angel, that's so intense" I grunted, trying to keep my voice down. "You want me to stay totally still?"

Her eyes were glassy with lust. As softly as she could, Eva said "Not completely still. You know what you can do..."

I did. I tensed up my body and flexed my cock inside her pussy. She shuddered and her fingers dug into my arms, leaving marks from her nails. That pain just heightened the pleasure I was feeling, I leaned down and took her left nipple into my mouth and sucked it hard before using my teeth, just the right amount, and Eva had to choke back a cry before she grabbed my hair and pulled my lips to hers.

We were having an amazing time, our minds distracted from our troubles. Eva wen through a few orgasms, but not a big one; that she was saving for the end, with me. And we had to get there. Maybe a different night we could experiment and see how long we could make that last, but not that night.

I kissed her and whispered "Angel, I think it's time." She could see the heat in my eyes.

"I know, Bear. It's time." Eva relaxed her legs, allowing me to move. By then we were both so worked up it only took a couple of minutes. I thrust in and out of what was now a very, very wet and warm home for my cock.

"Angel..."

"Me too..." We came together, a very powerful climax that made us groan, but we kept enough control to keep from being too emotive. We hoped. It was just what we needed.

We were laying in the dark, just some light peeking in from the side of the blinds on my window from the streetlights. We held each other tight, sharing occasional kisses, then got our underwear back on.

"Thank you, Angel. You are always just what I need. I love you."

"You're what I need as well, Bear. And you never have to thank me for doing and saying things that show how much I love you. And I do love you. Very much. Now, we'd better get some sleep. The next few days are going to be hard on you, my love." She kissed me and then held me from behind. I loved when she spooned me, her soft breasts caressing my back and her warm groin on my butt. Her lips tickled my neck and I squirmed in pleasure.

"Good night, Angel. I love you with all my heart."

"I love you too, Bear. Always. Go to sleep."

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Sunday. The worst day of our lives. We had to be at the funeral home at 9:30 for when the guests started arriving at 10, the service at 11, then to the cemetery for a noon burial. And then back to the house to start the Jewish mourning ritual of Shiva. Dad, Cammy, aunt Annette and me would have to sit on cardboard boxes, walk around in stocking feet. Mirrors would all be covered with sheets. People would be in and out and more food than we could eat in 3 months would be delivered.

We got up early and, to save some time, I took my shower in my dad's- not mom and dads anymore- bathroom when he was done while Eva and Cammy took turns in the other bath. When we came downstairs to have coffee and a light bite to eat, dad had two jewelry boxes with him. We had about a half hour before the limousine was to pick us up. Dad and I were in dark suits and Eva and Cammy in black dresses. Seeing Cammy like that both made me proud and miserable. She looked so grown up, wearing black hosiery and a two-inch heel. Then dad sat next to her. "Camilla, your mother wanted you to have this one day. We thought it would be a long time from now, maybe when you turned eighteen, but you're the lady of the house now." He pushed it to her and Cammy opened it with trembling lips. It was out mother's strand of natural pearls. Cammy fell apart in tears and ran upstairs to her room.

Dad and I were unsure of what to say. "Let me talk to her" Eva said, fitting into the role of Cammy's big sister. She went upstairs and dad and I sat at the table feeling miserable. My aunt and uncle arrived with my cousins and they had coffee (not my little cousins of course) and we told aunt Annette what was going on. Ten minutes later Eva and Cammy came downstairs and we could see my sister was doing a little better. My wife the miracle worker.

Dad helped put the pearls on my sister and in an instant she made the transformation from looking like an adult to actually being an adult. I'd never look at her the same way again.

She stood in front of me, a beautiful young woman. "Jon, how do I look? Do they look good on me?"

"Sweetheart, you look amazing. You're not my baby sister anymore. You're a grown woman. Not my Cammy anymore. Mom would be so proud." I hugged her tight.

"Jon, I'm always your little sister. And you and Eva can call me Cammy...but no one else. Just you, and your wife. My sister." We shared a few tears, not sobs but gentle and accepting.

It was almost time for the limo but first, dad handed Eva the other box, a more square shape. "Eva, my daughter in law, Carol wanted you to have this. I hope you'll love it. She thought of you almost like a daughter." Eva's eyes were full of tears as she opened the box. Inside was a porcelain cameo pin, a profile of a woman in white on a black background with a gold border. It was very old and lovely.

I helped pin it to her dress and Camilla hugged her. "My big sister." They clung to each other, like real sisters. Then Eva hugged my dad and thanked him for making her feel so welcome. Then me, the best for last, so to speak.

"I love this pin. It's so lovely. But I love your family even more. And you more than anything." We held on like that, the most bittersweet of moments, until we heard a horn honking from outside. It was time. We dried our eyes and everyone got into their coats except my uncle, who was staying behind to oversee deliveries and the covering of mirrors (you're not supposed to be concerned about you physical appearance during the mourning period in Judaism). We got into the limo and to the funeral home.

The rest of that day was a bit of a blur. Between all our various friends and family, there were well over a hundred people at the funeral home to pay respects and for the service. A Rabbi did a nice speech for her memory, then we had the internment at the cemetery, a very hard time with a lot of crying. Dad and I held Cammy's hands and I held Eva's on the other side. I could barely stand to see mom's casket lowered into the ground, then everyone except for Cammy and I helped shovel dirt onto her coffin (children aren't supposed to do that, a blessing for everyone else). Then we had to leave mom behind. That's certainly what it felt like as we got back in the limo and many cars followed us back to the house.

People were in and out, especially that first day. Lots of food was delivered and people helped themselves. While the four of us (me, dad, Camilla and our aunt) sat on the boxes and received condolences from so many people, Eva and her mom were amazing, serving as hosts, keeping things organized, helping anyone who needed to find food or drinks. We were newly married and she stepped right into this role, something she shouldn't have had to do, like she was born to it. She wasn't just my love and my wife; she was family.

After a while some of my moms friends took over and Eva was able to sit with us, next to me, on a chair. That box was killing my back and my ass. It's supposed to remind us that the primary mourners, the family, is "low" in our emotions. But it's damned painful too, and that's also a part of it, to remind us of the pain we're in.

About 5PM, Adrienne came in with her parents. I hadn't seen her in months, she hadn't been at my wedding, though her parents were. Things had just been too difficult, too ugly the last time I saw her. I felt bad not inviting her to the wedding. But honestly, I was glad to see her at the Shiva. No friend was unwelcome.

She came over to us and after hugging Camilla and my father, she gave me a big hug, leaking tears as we held each other. "Jon, I am so, so sorry. I loved your mom so much."

"I know, Ade. She loved you too. How are you doing these days?" Eva looked on, not worried, but a little uncomfortable.

Adrienne turned to her and gave her a peck on the cheek. "I'm ok, I guess, Holding on. Hi Eva. I know it's not the best time to say this, but congratulations to both of you on your wedding. I'm happy for you both. Really."

"Thanks, Adrienne. I appreciate it, a lot."

We stood there, then Adrienne said "Is there any place we can talk? The three of us? Just for a little while." I asked my dad if he minded if the three of us went down to the basement for a little while and he told me to go ahead, just not too long. The three of us went down to the finished basement and sat together, three teens all in formal black. It was a little surreal.

"Jon, Eva, I want to apologize to both of you. I behaved so inappropriately with you, Jon, and I disrespected you, Eva. I've been going to a psychiatrist and I'm taking medication and I'm feeling better. I don't fully understand why I behaved the way I did. It was terrible of me."

I spoke next. "Ade, if you were sick, you're not responsible. It's no different than if you had the flu or diabetes. The only thing that matters is you're getting well now." I held her hand with one of mine.

Eva then said "Adrienne, thank you for your apology, but like Jon said, it's not necessary. I would like you both to stay friends. And maybe you and I can be friends too. Anyone who's important to Jon is important to me. Once we get past things here, Jon and I have to figure out what our next step it, whether we go back to Binghamton or transfer to Queens college and find an apartment here. Wherever we settle, you'll be welcome to visit us. I mean that."

We sat quietly. There was, despite the caring words, a heavy curtain between me and Eva and Adrienne. It was there, would always be there, and I knew somehow in my heart my friendship with Adrienne was really over. There was just too much discomfort there, even during my mourning period, when my dearest friend should have been close to me. Whatever we had was gone. I wasn't going to dwell on it then, I couldn't, but over time it would hurt deeply.

We made small talk for a few more minutes and then I had to return to my family. We went back upstairs, I took my place on the box again and the parade of mourners and food kept coming. For the entire week, we sat like that, people came to pay their respects (evenings were busier than daytime) and kind of numbly we went through this old ritual. At night Eva and I slept together in a loving way, but not sexual. We held and kissed each other, which was difficult when you're young, in love, newly married and can't go any further. But we were disciplined and resisted our natural desires.

Shiva ended Friday, a little less than a week, due to the Jewish sabbath, which started Friday sundown. The tradition was to sit for one hour in the morning, some men came over to say traditional mourning prayers (called Kaddish, which were said every day) and that was it. Mourning continued for the rest of the 30 days, but the Shiva was over. And as much as a relief as it was to be over, it was also hard with no one coming over and mom's absence from our lives was felt in a huge way.

That night, we just sat around, trying to find our new normal life. We watched some programs on TV, me, Eva, Cammy and dad, but we were all feeling lost. Cammy especially was hurting, crying suddenly into dad's arms. But he didn't seem to have it in him to deal with it; his arm around her seemed perfunctory. Cammy could sense it, too. She left his arm and came over to me and I held her the way she needed, like a parent would. I stroked her hair and kissed her head and just comforted her.

I was worried about my dad more than my sister. Cammy was going through normal grief, sad but feeling her feelings. Same with me, and I had Eva to comfort me. But dad...he just seemed completely distant. Like he was in his own little world. I understood how he felt, to some degree. But he still had children to take care of. At least, he was still responsible for Camilla. She lost one parent; she couldn't be left with an absentee father. I hoped in a short time he'd snap out of it.

That night Eva and I were laying in bed, close as always. She knew I wasn't quite up to anything more than cuddling together and I loved her for understanding. Besides, we had some things to talk over.

"Honey, we have to start thinking about school in the Fall. Are we going back to Binghamton or are we transferring here? We need to figure it out. If we're staying, we need to start looking for a place to live next month."

"Jon, I don't think there's much to talk about. Your father and sister need us close to home. I think we have to transfer."

"Honey, I don't want to take your chance for a degree from Binghamton away from you. Maybe we should get the marriage annulled so you aren't tied down like this."

She was very silent, not even moving, barely breathing. "Jon, you're really an ass sometimes. You asked me to marry you and I said yes because I love you more than anything. We did a quick wedding because it was the right thing to do, to not only make your mother happy, but because we love each other and want to be together, right? Getting a degree from Binghamton means nothing compared to being together for the rest of our lives. A Queens College degree is also very prestigious. But that doesn't matter. I'm your wife and I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here, even if we have to live in this house. Unless you kick me out." Her eyes were tearing up with hurt. She was right, I really could be an ass.

"Angel, I'm sorry. And I am so grateful for you. You made the last couple of months bearable, not because you had to, because you wanted to. I love you too. I just don't want to take away your future."

"You are my future, Bear. There is no way I could meet anyone who I could love like you. So shut up about stupid things like annulment. I'm your wife for life." We kissed, sweet soft kisses. I thought to myself even in the middle of terrible pain, life can be so good. So, so good.

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During the rest of the month, Eva and I talked more to be sure about our next move. My dad's behavior was becoming more disturbing as he started drinking every night at home. A few drinks turned into five or six. By the end of the mourning period, he was putting away half a bottle of Jack Daniels every night. And he wouldn't talk about it. Not to me, not to Eva, not to Harold. I got so worried I called my Uncle Phil and a few of dad's friends. No one could get through to him. He kept saying he was fine, he could handle it.

Eva and I registered for Fall classes at Queens College, but we delayed looking for our own apartment. It wasn't that we couldn't afford it: between her inheritance from her grandmother, the insurance money my mom left for me (Cammy and I each got 50K, Cammy's left in trust until her eighteenth birthday) plus the money set aside for each of our education from our parents AND the fact that back then the City College system in New York City was almost free, money for an apartment wouldn't be a problem. But with my dad's rapid descent into alcoholism, there was no way we could leave Cammy alone with him. The situation was having a deleterious effect on our relationship. We had little privacy and we had to try to keep the household together.