Blaire and Foster - a New Direction

Blaire

After telling Bella about Andrew that morning, as we lay naked and exposed beside each other, she became silent. She got out of bed, pulled on a hoodie and sweats and left her room. I got the hint that she was upset and it broke my heart. I mean, I did care about her a lot and after last night, was thinking that maybe I could actually see her as my life partner in the future. I got my things and left her room. I didn't really know what else to say. Andrew intrigued me and got my libido fired up the last time we met, I was still excited about our Christmas getaway, but a part of me couldn't shake the feeling of loss in the pit of my stomach for hurting Bella.

I was leaving for home that afternoon, so I lost no time packing up and leaving for the bus station earlier than I had planned. I thought that it was probably better if I avoided sticking around when Bella came back to pack and leave for the airport.

Bella

I took off down the elevator and ran up the street to the park. Before I could make it to the bench that I loved thinking at, the tears burst forth. I sobbed and thought about how much of a fool I had been ever thinking that falling for a straight girl could work out well. I mean, she always claimed in our talks that she was "flexible" and not necessarily 100% straight but it would appear her track record to date was suggesting otherwise. I wondered if I had been more forward earlier with her would it have made a difference, maybe she was hornier than I thought and I should've been bolder to show her what we could have had. Last night felt so good, and maybe it was because I waited too long to seal the deal or make another move. When we were together it seemed like the chemistry was real or was I just delusional all this time.

I didn't really understand what had gone wrong between us, she had treated me like a partner, spending more time with me than anyone had willingly done in ages. All our acquaintances on the floor just assumed we were together and would ask me when she wasn't around. I never knew what to say other than, she's really important to me so we'll see. But to have a secret, brand new boyfriend without even mentioning that she was thinking about online dating?!? I was blindsided, betrayed, devastated. I thought we had promised each other transparency, I thought she trusted me with anything, I thought she just needed time to recover from her exes... Ugh. I felt like looking up 'destroyed' in the thesaurus so I could find more words to explain my feelings.

The part that hurt the most was that she hadn't given 'us' a real shot. How could she know what she knew and still sleep with me again. I looked at my phone, it was 9, I needed to go back to finish packing and get a cab to the airport for my flight at noon. I couldn't face her and hoped she was hiding out in her room when I got back to the floor.

Blaire

In the train station I looked at my phone and was tempted to text Bella about how sorry I felt. I really didn't want the news to come out like it had. Why out of all nights did I happen to sleep talk? I opened the Snapchat map and saw that she was back at the floor, hopefully with this holiday break ahead of us maybe she would cool off and we could talk about what comes next. I really wanted her in my life as a friend at least, we shared so many things and I couldn't deny that from the start we had a bond like no one I had met before. I grabbed my phone and wrote a short message.

I'm really sorry Bella, the whole situation kind of got away from me. I don't

really know what I'm doing but I do know that I really, really never wanted

to hurt you. I hope we can talk about it sometime soon. Have a safe flight and

a great time with your family.

I wasn't sure she would even read it since she seemed really crushed. I didn't even tell her about my holiday with Andrew to Dominican or that he was coming to meet my family. I know that would have just made it much worse. As I boarded the train, I heard a notification.

Thanks, have a good holiday too.

She was never a girl of few words. Hopefully with some time and space we could go back to the way we were. I sat in my seat and looked out the window. It felt like the longest ride of my life as I replayed what I should've done differently. The thoughts would plague me all holiday if I didn't let it go. I'll leave it for the new year and hopefully the answers would come easier.

Bella

When I got back to the floor and finished packing, I decided to check Blaire's location on Snap to make sure she wasn't in her room waiting for me to leave. I remembered that we had left our dinner dishes and leftovers on the table in the lounge after the waves of passion hit us. I didn't want to imagine what that would have looked like in three weeks. Blaire was already on the train, so I jogged to the lounge and cleaned up; then grabbed my bags and raced down to meet the cab.

I was heartbroken and empty in that moment. I had been so excited to go home and to share about how I had met the woman of my dreams to my family. They already could tell from our visit in the Fall that I liked her a lot, that's why they had welcomed and embraced her so joyfully into our home. This would now be so awkward, their daughter, single again, like every other time she came home. My mother and brother had even added Blaire on Instagram, hopefully they wouldn't mind deleting her, because if my mom was to like and comment on any more of her selfies, I might never be happy again.

The first two weeks of Christmas were busy and so it was easy to go about my day without too much sadness, but every night when I lay my head on my pillow, I cried and started trying to figure out what I had done wrong, or if not that, what I could've done differently. I wanted answers but wasn't sure Blaire would or could even provide them. I tried to focus on my family, who loved me unconditionally and who could tell I wasn't as upbeat as usual. My nephews were at the perfect age for adventures, so we went to beach every day that there weren't other commitments like shopping, making cookies, wrapping presents, or decorating. On the days that we frolicked on the beach, I rarely had trouble falling asleep, but other nights I lay staring at our endless texts looking for clues, or hints of when things started to fall apart.

When I couldn't sleep one night I wrote down all my questions and saved them in a draft to send to Blaire when I got up the nerve. I wasn't sure she would respond but I had so many theories floating around in my head that I needed to squelch. I asked if I had just been a place filler until she found someone else, since she had treated me like a partner for most of the Fall. I asked if she had decided she wasn't attracted to any women or was it just me in particular. I asked what was missing with us that made her not want to try to see if we could be more. I asked whether it was just that society supports heterosexuality and the fairy tale, dream wedding, life path and she just couldn't imagine anything else for herself after holding that in her heart since she was a kid. My insecurity was showing in all these questions, but frankly, I didn't really care, I had talked to her about much more personal things before, like my threesome with a work colleague and her spouse that made me first realize my attraction to women. Maybe she would realize that I just wanted to work things out and go back to how we were. Maybe she would give me a chance since when she started things with Andrew, that was before our Christmas dinner love making sesh, which I thought had genuinely blown us both away. I was mad, I was sad, I was lost but I still had hope that maybe if we could just talk it out and get real, maybe we still had a shot at an amazing love story.

On the third week of holidays, my high school friend, Janessa convinced me that we should hit up a beach resort or something for New Year's and find hotties to kiss at midnight. I was lucky that Janessa didn't mind being my wing girl, she had very little trouble finding dates, she wasn't picky about the guys she dated, but also ran the second they got serious. She had once told me she had no desire to settle down with one man until she was 30, and as that birthday approached she seemed less and less inclined to settle, and more comfortable with a non-monogamous, poly kind of lifestyle. She liked men and transmen only, so I knew I'd never have to worry about us hitting on the same woman at a club. I told her that I could spare two nights max and not too much money, as I had to start preparing to head back to college. Since she worked at a travel agency she could find great last minute deals.

Blaire

I had a few days at the cabin with just the parents before Andrew arrived. When he walked through the door and first introduced himself, both of my parents seemed to instantly adore him. My mother took him by the arm, making a comment about his round bicep that she could barely fit her fingers around and giggled like a school girl as she led him to the guest room. I didn't argue when my parents insisted that we have separate rooms, since they were pretty traditional and they didn't know that I had already shared a hotel with him. I knew that the guest room was far enough from my parent's wing that we could definitely sneak away to have some fun if we wanted to.

After settling in, Andrew joined the rest of us in the family room where we had been sitting around with mulled wine in front of the fire before he had arrived. My father immediately got out his macho tone and asked if Andrew'd like a bourbon, 'a real man's drink', instead of spiced warm wine. As dad poured him a glass, I could hear them talking in kitchen about renovation plans and whether Andrew had ever built an outdoor Swedish sauna, a retirement goal my parents had talked about for the property for years. Before I knew it, they were touring the house, and heading outside to check out the old barn and where the sauna could go. I had hoped that Andrew didn't mind the attention from my dad, dad loved talking about building projects even though he wasn't much of a handy man himself. I think he probably always wished for a son, but my parents had trouble having children, so when I came around when mom was in her late 30's, I think they felt it was enough of a blessing and left it like that. If I married a man though, he would, in a way, get the son he always wanted.

Thinking about the future right now made my mind drift to Bella. I hadn't heard from her since her brief message before the flight and I wondered how she was feeling now that a week had passed. When I woke up every morning, I thought about texting her but I didn't really know what to say since I already said sorry. I knew she must have been disappointed, I dropped the ball and the whole situation made me feel so ashamed. It had become much easier to ignore the thoughts and focus on the possibilities I had with Andrew. She had always wanted more than I promised her, I knew that so it's not really my fault was it? I really didn't want to feel bad about myself anymore, so I finished the wine and refilled another glass as I went to find where dad had taken my boyfriend.

The week with Andrew and the family was great. He was so polite and everyone adored him. He was also hot, and we did managed to sneak into his room for some really quiet sex on Christmas Eve after my parents passed out early from all the libations at the annual neighbourhood Christmas party they hosted. I asked him to penetrate me from behind, and he eventually found a good rhythm that made me orgasm, but all I could think about when I kissed him was how rough his upper lip was, it even started to give me a friction burn. I had a quick flash about kissing Bella, but tried to shake it off and get back in the moment. We spooned for a few minutes after he came, and it felt nice to be wrapped in his strong arms, but I felt like I had nothing to say. With Bella we had talked as soon as we caught our breaths and stayed up for an hour cuddling. But when I finally thought of something I had wanted to ask, I turned and he was fast asleep. I made my way quietly back to my room, knowing I couldn't risk facing my parents' disapproving looks if I wandered out of his room in the morning. I wasn't sure why I cared, I was a grown adult, but it was still their roof, so I followed their expectations. Soon enough we'd be in Dominican anyway and we would do what we wanted to when we got there.

Bella

Janessa and I jumped in her car and started heading East. She wanted to keep costs down for me, so we decided we'd drive the 9 hours from Port de Paix to Puerto Plata where she got us an amazing deal in a couple's resort right on the beach. It seemed like an odd holiday choice for two single ladies, who were looking to maybe find some fun but the neighbouring resorts had tonnes of venues and parties planned so sharing a two bedroom family cottage at a good rate was perfect, because if worst came to worse, we still had our own private bedrooms to hook up in.

I hadn't talked to Jan since last summer, but we were the type of friends who could pick up where we left off like no time had passed. The drive gave us ample time for her to hear all about Blaire and my broken heart. She said all the things that true friends do like, "You deserve better than her", "She is the one who has lost the most" and "Let her go, she's so not worth your energy". But deep down, I still felt like if we could both dig deep, reflect on what we had; we could be amazing together and overcome this hiccup. I didn't tell Jan though since I knew that I had to get used to the idea of letting go, as it seemed that Blaire was moving on and had little remorse leaving me behind. I mean, she hadn't even messaged or called to wish me Merry Christmas.

We had brought snacks for the drive but by the time we were passing Montecristi, we decided to stop for a snack and quick walk on the beach to stretch our tired bodies. We each grabbed a chicken filled catibia and a cold mabí to munch on while we walked. Jan reminded me that the mabí was supposedly an aphrodisiac so we'd be all ready to roll when we finally made it to our destination. We decided to spend 4 nights at the resort since we were saving so much money with the drive, and I had done many of my errands and packing before we left so that I would be ready for my flight a few days after we got back.

After more catching up, lots of singing along to my road trip playlist and at least one pitstop for coffee, we pulled into the resort. We grabbed our bags and strolled into the reception area, before speaking to the woman behind the desk, Jan leaned towards me and whispered, "Follow my lead..." Then proceeded to take my hand in hers and pull me gleefully behind her, wrapping her arm around my waist when we stopped to check in.

"Checking in I presume? All I need is the name the reservation was under and I can get you on your way!" sang the clerk in a happy, singsong tone.

"Janessa Mercado, and this is my girlfriend, Bella Sanchez; I have a very special getaway planned for her," she said with a wink, as if to imply that I was in for a big proposal, "The room is in my name, and I hope it is as dreamy as the reviews I had from my colleagues at the agency." She leaned over and planted a wet kiss on my cheek, pulling my waist to snug me right up against her body.

"Wow, I'm so glad you chose to book with us, I promise we will provide you with THE most memorable stay we can. I'll just need a few signatures and a credit card for the deposit but Bella, if you'd like to head into the bar in the next room and get off your feet, tell Juan Julio that Cassie at reception told him to make you the anniversary special on the house." She offered while typing details into the system to expedite the check in.

I strolled into the bar and was taken aback by the beauty of the resort, the bar had a wall of windows that overlooked the pool, and steps that continued to the ocean waves crashing on the shoreline. The beach was breathtaking and even the breeze that wafted through the open doors smelled like sweet hibiscus and rose. I ordered the drink from Juan Julio, who was very pleasant and sang to himself as he mixed the colourful combination of amber rum and other sweet looking things.

That evening after supper we took a walk up the beach to check out the single's clubs, which were blasting the some hip shaking tunes even though the following night, New Year's Eve promised to be the real event. Kviar Show Disco stood out as the most popular on the stretch of beach we saw, so we planned to get a good rest and hit that place the next night.

Blaire

The flight to Dominican had been more turbulent than I had expected. I still felt nauseous as we boarded the bus to the resort, so I took a gravol and fell asleep. Andrew and I had barely talked on the plane, he had plugged in some headphones and fell asleep 5 minutes into a movie, sleeping the rest of the flight. I was glad that I had opted for the aisle seat, as I spent about half the time in the washroom trying to stop myself from feeling so ill. I wasn't usually that bad, but I had not really flown in a while.

After checking in to the resort we walked around to see the amenities, a gorgeous pool right next to the beach, a steam sauna, nestled amidst some palm trees in a shaded area out of the way, also called my name. It was pretty warm, but I guessed it was just in my genetics to love saunas. We stopped at the hotel bar and ordered a rum punch so we could sit and take in the view of the full moon reflecting on the swelling ocean surface. This last week with Andrew and my family had made me wonder if I had in fact rushed a little too fast with him. I barely knew him and the more we spent time together, the more I realized he was a nice guy, consistent, reliable, but the initial spark I felt when we chatted and met in Banff, wasn't as electric and long lasting as I thought it might be.

After watching him with my family, I knew he would be a safe choice, he'd provide me with safety, kindness, love and sex, as many children as I wanted and he'd probably even build me whatever style dream house I desired, but the conversation still hadn't gotten as thought provoking and as deep as I had always had with Bella. She wasn't a safe choice, nothing would be easy if I actually tried to make a life with her, having kids would be expensive, time consuming and difficult, explaining to my friends and family that I was in love with a woman, might make them pull away a little bit, and even coming to a place like this would cause people to stare and judge, instead of ignore us, like what was currently happening to Andrew and I. I didn't think of myself as brave or as someone who liked attention, so this relationship was definitely going to help me live a life under society's radar. But could I ever be truly happy if I never tested out what Bella and I could be? Why was I even thinking this way, since she was clearly never going to talk to me again. We hadn't had more than three days of silence without so much as a text since we met, and now it had been just about three weeks of nothing. I stared out at the moon and it reminded me of the last time I was at the beach, during our Fall break when Bella had taken me to the resort and we brought a bottle of wine out and sat for hours sitting and watching the moon reflect and sparkle just like tonight. I missed her.

Bella

Jan and I hit the sauna to relax before heading back to shower and head to bed. We walked arm in arm past the reception area to keep the illusion of our romantic getaway going. When we arrived back in the room, there were rose petals strewn all of the floor, two towels in the shape of humping bunnies and an ice bucket with a bottle of Dom Perignon Brut Rosé on the bed. We both burst out laughing and dove on the bed to grab the bottle and crack it opened, we hadn't even noticed the chocolate covered strawberries on the bedside table. Jan's story telling had clearly worked some magic! We laid on the bed, drinking the champagne and making up all the silliest toasts before each sip, intermittently feeding each other strawberries and licking the chocolate off each other's fingers. This getaway was just what I needed before going back to school and having to face Blaire again. We laughed and laughed until our face muscles hurt. Then at around quarter to 1, I finally called it a night, I gave up on the shower and got ready for bed instead.