I had always thought that computers were used mainly for business and not for pleasure and personal use. It was the last thing I ever thought that I would own. I had gotten along well for many years without one and why should I have one now?
My sister Brenda had come to see me, and we discussed the perks of using and owning a personal computer. She convinced me that they are not as intimidating as I had thought. So we went shopping. With her expertise and computer savvy, we brought home a computer that would launch a satellite and set it up. I was able to contract a service provider that same day and towards the evening, Brenda helped me set up my own email account. She also helped me with the very basics of computer use, and before she left to drive back home to Georgia, I thought I knew enough to get me by. She had downloaded a chat client for me and I was able to find my way back to that same server and a new computer user's chat room.
For weeks I went to this "newbie" room and each night was able to pick up a few more tips from various people there who frequent the room. Most of the others were also new users but some were there just to help. I felt good knowing I was not the only one "computer illiterate" and felt comfortable with the people that I had gotten to know a bit.
"Newbies" was a fairly large room with about 30 people on the average nightly. When I first entered this room, I did not have a nickname. I simply entered and was automatically named "guest" with a number. I was told to choose a name so that every time I did enter the room people would know who I was. I also filled in the "bio" portion listed on the server that gives a brief description of myself that others can read. I was always told to never give too much info. This way as I got to know people, then I could have the option of telling them a bit more about myself if I so desired. After much thought I decided to call myself "Lassie". I am female, and in Scotland that is what a girl is called, "Lass" or "Lassie". After a while, people that I did not know would come in the room and ask me if "I was able to go for help when Timmy fell in the well". That got old so I changed to "Bunny". I love bunnies and even had a pet Holland Lop so the name stayed with me.
The newbie's "class" seemed to move together acquiring better computer skills and the ones that helped us do that, had been on the computer for years, and were considered "techies". The techies were very helpful, kind and considerate of the fact that the new users needed patience and understanding.
Before long I was even able to assist others with minor problems with their computers. People came to the room and stayed there without going to other rooms. It got to be almost a family of sorts. We got to know one another through chat so well, it was almost as if we had known each other for years. The only thing missing was a face to accompany the names.
There is a thing called a "whisper" in chat rooms. A whisper allows you to have a private conversation without the other "roomies" seeing what you are talking about to any one person. I had heard of "cybering" but did not know exactly what it was at first. For lack of a better word, I learned that "cybering" was "safe sex" on the computer. People type sexual things in a whisper and can actually have sex. I often wondered how people can do that and type at the same time? For most people that cyber, they move on to phone sex. At times people actually meet in real life, and yes have torrid affairs and even get married. I just could not fathom falling in love with someone from chat and have an online affair without having even met in person, but it happens.
One night while I was there in the chat room, I got a whisper from "Bear". A very likable gentleman that yes, was always a gentleman to me and others in the room. He whispered to me and wanted to know how I had been? I told him I was fine and we continued to ask questions about one another. He wanted to know where I was located and living, if I was indeed married, what type of things I liked to do and so on. He seemed to like the fact that I was divorced and told me that he was too. We also found out that we were both the same age, and after a while called one another by our real names in whisper.
I looked forward to seeing "Rich" at night in the chat room. Before long I was craving to hear his real voice over the phone. I did not want to seem forward, but something told me that this man had an incredibly sexy voice. He had always told me that he liked the way I related to others and thought that I was kind and considerate towards them. I had always thought the same of him.
Rich and I decided to download ICQ, an instant messenger program that allows you to chat on a small screen without being in a chat room. This program also allows you to see and know if the other is online if you desire for them to see you.
Rich and I got into a routine of having our morning coffee together while chatting on ICQ. We did that for a while until one morning he asked me if he could call me. I was ecstatic and of course said "yes!" I typed in my number and within a few minutes the phone rang. My heart started to pound and I was almost over the edge with excitement. What is it with this man that fascinates me so?
I picked up the phone and softly said "hello?". The man on the other end said to me, "is this 'Barbara'?" I answered, "is this the 'Rich'?" Well it was indeed the "Bear" and I was 100% correct. This man had the sexiest voice I had ever heard on a man. We both chuckled a bit and began to tell one another about ourselves. I asked him questions and he asked me questions. For the most part it was like becoming re acquainted with a long lost friend. We both felt so comfortable with each other. The time flew by as we talked about anything and almost everything for over an hour.
It became a routine of ours to meet on icq, have a cup of coffee then talk on the phone for an hour or so. We started to talk about our love lives which for both of us was nil at that time. We found that we had much in common and felt the same about many things in life. After many weeks we began to talk romantically. He asked me if I had ever had "phone sex?" I told him "no I had not" and that "I did not even know how it was done." I asked him if he had ever done that and he told me that yes he did a while back with "a woman he met online." My heart sank. I was beginning to have strong feelings for him and did not want to think that "phone sex" was the only reason why he wanted to call me. He explained that yes though he did do that, he was not in the habit of doing that with women he met on line. I felt a bit better because I just wanted this to be "real" for us and perhaps mature into something special. After all he could have lied to me and did not.
The more we talked the stronger the feelings became between us. He sent me a picture of himself and I sent him one of me. He told me I was beautiful and I thought he was quite handsome.
Before hanging up one day, he asked me if "I would consider having phone sex with him?" I told him that I would have to think about it. He told me that "my voice got him very aroused" and that he would like to do that with me. He also told me that even if I agreed to it, that "if for any reason I was uncomfortable, then he would stop if I asked him."
For a very long time my trust in men was non existent. I have had relationships that just did not work out for one reason or another but for the most part I never felt a true comfort with any man until Rich entered my life. But then again, how crazy is this? I met this wonderful man on line, have spoken to him now for 2 months over the phone, I feel as if I have known him my entire life but have not ever met him in person. Can I do this with him and not feel dirty about it? I asked myself this too, will I be a notch in this man's belt? The answer was "no". Simply put, I trusted him and I was falling in love with him.
The next day when we spoke on the phone I told him I had thought about what he asked me. I had decided to try this crazy thing called "phone sex" and told him that "because I trusted him and was beginning to have strong feelings for him that I wanted to do this with him and that he made me feel sexy." It was almost as if I heard a smile come through the phone line. He told me that he too "had been developing strong feelings for me." He told me that he dreamt about us in certain sexual situations and called them "scenarios".
