The Wild Literotican
Or
How Bwaba Wawtaws survived a night alone, in the jungle.
This is Hugh Downers. Tonight on forty-eight minutes Bwaba and crew are on location near the last known sighting of a group of literoticans. Her objective: to capture on film, the last of the literoticans in the wild.
~Music rolls in and then scene shifts to a very dark and crowded jungle with Bwaba Wawtaws and two camera men and one lone female assistant. All look very nervous and Bwaba herself is shaking just a bit as she holds the mic in her dainty little hands.~
"Good evening folks. Tonight we search for the wild Literotican. I warn you that some images caught on film here tonight may not be suitable for your youngew children. Viewer discwetion is advised."
Hughes voice comes on now:
"What is known of the literoticans is they are mostly a nocturnal animal. They live in small groups deep in the jungle. They have humanoid bodies but have neither tact nor taste. It is believed they are a throwback to early man. They mate in groups as small as one up to the larger gatherings of ten or sometimes even more. There is very little else known, except that from time to time they get on the edges of the jungle and capture innocent people as they walk down paths, usually at night. Here we interview some of the lucky ones who have managed to escape such abductions."
"Yeah, no shit there I was just out for my evening walk when bammo I was hit with a very large group of mating males. They had me in their sharp paw like hands and were dragging me off into the jungle when a naked female ran by. While their attention was diverted to her lithe and hard body with the big breasts, I managed to break loose and run away. It was a close call I tell you, a very close call."
"You said shawp paw like hands?"
" What? OH...yes, like little sharp claws and very bony fingers."
"The captured litewotican at the science lab in Houston had vewy nice hands. How do you explain the diffewence?"
"What...do I look like some kind of fucking expert or something? You...get the camera out of my face. I don't have to answer your questions. They attacked me! Just go away!"
"How lawge was this group of males? They were all males by the way?"
"Look, it was dark, they hit me so fast I just couldn't tell you. The ones that had me were definitely male. Their things were...well long and dangling under their bellies."
"There you have it ladies and gentlemen live action repowts from the deep jungle near Houston. A barely cohewent escapee from a group of mating litewoticans. One of the few known to have gotten away after capture."
Camera pans to the victim as they go away for commercial break. Bwaba is talking to her assistant and the two cameramen. The assistant is shaking her head in a strong no fashion as Bwaba makes a point with them. Next scene is Bwaba walking through a very bushy jungle trail with her entourage following closely along.
"We are attempting to locate and film a gathewing of litewoticans tonight. This is a vewy dangewous thing to do. Parents, this is where you may want to send your children to bed. Some of the scenes we bwing you tonight may disturb a young person greatly."
In the background noises are heard that sounds vaguely like couples having hot sex. The assistant is almost in tears as Bwaba forces her to go on ahead. At one point she disappears around a tree in the middle of the trail for a second and thumping and screams are heard. As the cameraman runs around there is nothing there. The assistant is gone, her glasses lying on the jungle floor.
In the distance screams and cries are heard as the brush moves and nothing else is seen. A very shaken Bwaba Wawtaws is barely able to hold the microphone as she faces the camera.
"We have just lost ouw assistant. I believe that a group of wild litewoticans has managed to get their bony hands on her. I fear for her life. All we can do now is pway that she will be all right until a wescue mission is mounted."
