Episode One: When Howie Met Cinda
Part 3
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NOTE TO THE READER - This is Part 3 of a four-part story. You can start with Part 1, or this part can be read independently. If you like it, go back and read Parts 1 and 2 later, and be sure to watch for Part 4.
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Nothing on Ganymede, of course, has anything to do with 24 hours. In fact, the period of its rotation and its revolution around Jupiter are the same: about 17 Earth days. So one side, the one where DuPimp's mining colony is located, is always facing the planet, and the tiny but brilliant sun is in the sky for about eight and a half Earth days at a time. But the colony still maintains Earth's 24-hour day.
So, even though the sun wasn't rising on Ganymede, and it therefore wasn't technically "morning", Howie Ricardo woke up at about 07:00 that Tuesday, still on the couch and still wearing his work clothes from the day before, the day he had finally met Lucinda, his new Beta model MicroHard Sweetheart 459 andro-companion.
Like every other morning of his adolescent and adult life, he woke with a rock-hard erection, which was remarkable considering what he had put his reproductive system through only a few hours earlier. What wasn't remarkable was that, unlike most other mornings, his head was making fierce and credible threats to blow itself up if he didn't immediately give in to its non-negotiable demands, which were: 300 milligrams of caffeine in three unmarked eight-ounce cups, delivered promptly, quietly and in the dark.
After weakly capitulating to that shameless terrorist threat, Howie quickly showered, changed and went straight to the office, from where he called MicroHard on the vid-phone at 08:00 sharp. Dexter Spielmann, the store manager had decided that Lucinda needed a few last minute adjustments before Howie could take her home, and had solemnly promised that Hal O'Brien, the store technician, would have them done by the end of the day. Howie was calling to find out from Hal what time he could pick her up.
Unfortunately for all involved, however, Tuesday turned out to be Hal O'Brien's day off. As Spielmann tried to apologize and Howie cussed him out in colorfully graphic language, he could see Lucinda making faces at the store manager behind his back.
Spielmann earnestly pledged that she would be ready by noon the following day. But when Howie called Hal on day two, he laughed quietly. "Not by noon," he said, shaking his head, "Maaaaybe by the end of the day."
But she wasn't ready by the end of that day, or the next day either, or even the day after that. All told, it took four days, twenty-three hours and fourteen minutes before Hal called Howie to tell him that the reprogramming was finished.
Howie used the waiting time, when he wasn't completely lost in sexual fantasy, to think about what he wanted to name her.
He considered Jeanie, but decided it was too similar to his mother's name, which was Eugenia. He thought about Samantha, but didn't like the idea that everyone would probably call her
Sam
, which was also the nickname for Earth's most popular beer, Samuel Adams Lager.
If I wanted to name her after a beer, I'd just call her
Heineken
or
Red Spot
and have it over with
, he thought.
He was tempted by Rebecca and Daphne, but nothing seemed exactly right. Eventually, he realized that she already had a name.
And what right do I have to make her change her name?
he asked himself.
Maybe she likes Lucinda. Maybe she wouldn't be comfortable with a new name
. At some rational level, he understood that she was just a machine and wasn't supposed to care at all what she was called, but that's not what his emotions told him.
Besides, Lucinda is a perfectly good name
, he reminded himself.
I can call her
Cinda
like Spielmann, or I can make up my own nickname, like Cindy or Lulu or Lucy.
When Hal finally called Howie, it was Saturday. "If you can get over here before we close, you can pick her up today," Hal said.
"When do you close?" Howie asked.
"Well, I'm going home now, but Mr. Spielmann will be here for about a half an hour," Hal answered.
Howie left his apartment immediately and was at MicroHard in eight and a half minutes. When he burst in through the door, out of breath and flushed, Spielmann stepped out from behind the counter, a big smile on his face, and extended his hand.
"Cinda will just be a moment," he said. "In the meantime, Earth law requires me to give this information to all new andro-companion owners." And he handed Howie two wrinkled sheets of paper. "Just so you know what to expect from the product you're buying."
The first sheet said:
The Three Laws of Robotics