"They're here, Mom!" Ellen yelled into the house.
She stood to wave as the flashy silver BMW convertible turned into the driveway with a squeal of tires and a blare of its horn. The Gamma Phi Beta "World Tour" had arrived.
"Brains!" Diana yelled from the driver's seat.
"Cut it out," Ellen said with a blush, giving Ivy a hug as she climbed out from the front passenger seat. The three rising seniors in the car might not be future Phi Beta Kappas, but none of them was dumb. Not really dumb, anyway.
"Hey, you're the girl with the four-oh," Ivy said. "You're going to turn us into one of those literary societies."
"Yeah, fat chance of that," Tiffany said with a giggle. She was still lounging in the back seat, combing her long blonde hair out.
"So how was the trip?" Ellen asked.
"Great so far," Diana said. "Did our clothes arrive?"
"They got here this morning. I can't believe you're FedExing your clothes ahead of you."
"Tiffany's makeup case doesn't leave us much room in the trunk," Ivy cracked.
"Ha, ha," Tiffany said as she finally climbed out to give Ellen a hug. "Like you guys didn't bring makeup cases, too. It's good to see you, Brains. So where are we now?"
"Troy, New York," Ellen said with a sigh. "The armpit of the tri-city area. Come on in and meet my mom."
"Can I just return this one call first?" Diana said. "They called just as we got into New York and saw one of those big "Hands-free only" signs. Freaked Ivy out."
"It did not," Ivy protested.
"Oh, it did so," Tiffany said. "You're such a goody two shoes."
"Make your call," Ivy told Diana.
The women's chit-chat was soon interrupted by Diana's raised voice.
"Oh, my God. Oh. My. God. So what do we --? The bylaws?"
She covered the phone and looked at her sorority sisters.
"Bylaws?" she mouthed to the others with a shrug and raised eyebrows.
"Yeah, they're all here," she continued. "Me and Tiff and Ivy. How long do we have? Alright, I'll call you back before then.
"Holy shit," she said as she clicked the phone closed. "Pam's pregnant."
"Pam our president?" Tiffany asked with a squeak.
Diana nodded.
"She's withdrawn from school this semester."
"So who's president?" Ivy asked.
"Apparently it's up to us three to decide," Diana said. "The three seniors. We have until August first.:
"August first?" Tiffany asked. "That's like less than a month."
"It's less than two weeks," Ivy said. "So what do we do?"
**********
By that evening, the three girls were no closer to deciding on the new president of Gamma Phi Beta sorority. Each thought she deserved it.
"Maybe we should back up a little," Ellen said. She had quickly assumed the role of mediator. "What are we looking for as far as image goes?"
"Beautiful," Tiffany said with a flip of her hair.
"Talented," Diana said, flexing the arm that had led her to a third place finish at last year's NCAA swimming championships.
"Nurturing," Ivy said. She had always been the friendliest of the three girls.
"Okay," Ellen said. "Why don't all three of you make a list of the four qualities of the sorority that you think our president should reflect? And we'll go with whichever one finishes highest."
Three minutes later, Ellen read off the lists.
"Okay. Ivy: Nurturing; service to others; sexy; welcoming. Diana: Talented; successful; sexy; athletic. Tiffany: Beautiful; blonde; sexy; and, um, blonde. Well, I guess our winner is 'sexy.' I don't suppose we're going to be able to agree on who's sexier, are we?"
"Well, obviously I am," Tiffany said. "What guy wouldn't want me?"
"One with an ounce of self-respect," Diana muttered. "Look, I'll admit you're the most beautiful, babe. But sexy?"
She shook her head and began to tick off names.
"Amanda Beard, Misty May, Anna Kournikova, Maria Sharapova, Serena Williams. Strong women. Strong, sexy women. You can keep your golden mane and oval face, Tiff. I know what men like."
"What they like, Diana, is these."
Ivy lifted her hands to cup her breasts. She released them and smoothed her hands down her waist and over her hips.
"Men like women, ladies. Women that look like women. They see a body like this and sex is the first thing that comes into their mind."
Ellen decided it was time to interrupt.
"So the answer is 'no.' We're not going to be able to come to an agreement on which of you is sexier."
"Apparently not," Tiffany said. She flipped her hair in disgust.
"Why don't you decide, Brains?" Diana asked.
"Seriously. You don't have an axe to grind," Ivy chimed in.