As he/she/it looked around (figuratively, he/she/it actually stayed perfectly still to avoid unwanted attention) he/sh... damn it, let's just pick a pronoun and stick with it, OK?...noticed he seemed to be at one of those delightfully odd human festivals called a 'welding'... or something like that. Something about joining two people anyway.
Continuing his investigation, be began to curse out Tak'Lon! The hslbtlr'd trummaolip reintegrated him as a statue! Not a majestic Greek statue or even a well-cast memorial to a fallen general, mind you, but one of those little damn things hoomans stick at the apex of the ceremonial confection- a whaddya call it... a 'cake topper'!
Ok... take a deep breath. What is going on here, and figure out what he could do to get out of this particular hell. Damnation- bad enough to have lost the bet, but to allow this sort of punishment was just sloppy game-playing on his part. Oh well- he'd make the best of it. How could he now make everyone's day a little brighter? Or, at least a little more surreal. Hmmm... lots of people to scan, and several have imbibed on fermented juices of various types, which always gives Psat'Doo a bit of a headache to read with his/her/its advanced B'Naf'By technology.
As he used his P.L.O.T. Device to scan the assembled hordes, the music swirled and several people began to march down the middle of the room. On his native planet, several women dressed thusly walking like that would most likely be marching to the ceremonial volcano in order to end their lives in humiliation over their horrendous outfits, but as he did not see a handy volcano, he cast his sensors to determine an alternative hypothesis.
Jumpin' Jehosaphat! (At least the thrice-damned hoomans had inventive curses!) That woman in all that white frippery was planning to enslave that male in the penguin costume in some sort of institution! She planned on making him 'something something obey something something until death do they part'! He scanned the penguin and saw that she had somehow convinced him that this was a good idea! How on shaltfnts can it be a good idea for a male to restrict his sacred fertilization duties to just one female- especially in a species as infertile as this one? I mean, come on! A mere two genders, just two feeding glands, three-fourths of a full solar year gestation period, typical litter of only one or two with occasional bursts of up to a barely tolerable level of five or six, and a breeding period of only about thirty years?
Something had to be done! Yes, yes, the Prime Directive and all that, but really- that was just a suggestion, like taking a side trip to see the great human achievements of Chernobyl, Boston's 'Big Dig', and the Mobro 4000 trash barge. But what to do? He considered correcting her flawed attitude, but when he scanned the other female units, he was astonished to discover they all felt the same way!
Great Llpknsd's ghost! Now what? The woman was approaching the end of the aisle and dude in some sort of dress was waiting for them. Penguin guy- apparently he was called the 'gloom'- and Psat'Doo could see why- was starting to move towards the rendezvous point. Think, damn it, think! Psat'Doo hit his literal head with a figurative thinking stick. Aha! He had it!
Freezing time for a moment... which, when he thought of it, was a pretty stupid thing to think. I mean, if you freeze time, terms like 'moment' have no meaning, do they? This sounded like a great area for a research paper and Psat'Doo started to compose the premise in his steel-trap mind. On another level, he set to work.
Now... this guy over here. He was older and his reproductive period was at an end, his previous mate had stopped functioning, and he had some sort of attachment to the white clad woman. Psat'Doo led him from his seat to the place the gloom was aiming for. He guided the gloom to a back room where he could leave him in stasis for a few ticks of whatever the locals use for time and no one would notice him. Just to be sure, he put a flowered tablecloth over his head. So adorable!
Let's see, let's see... who was paying enough attention to notice the changes? Here... here... oh, yes, certainly over here... and don't forget the officiant- who looked absolutely darling in his fancy gown... Here a tweak, there a tweak, everywhere a tweak tweak... Done! He took a moment to pat himself on his back, and another moment to work his arm back into the proper shape.
He used his Device to rewind time a bit to cover any small glitches and went to retrieve the gloom. Scanning his mind revealed a hodge-podge of conflicting images and desires. Here was his biological drive to spread his progeny far and wide, but over here was a bunch of red tape that seemed to be blocking his natural and Lkpok-given right to knock up as many broads as he could get his mitts on.
Sorting through the debris of the hooman's mind, he found exactly the right inspiration, and suddenly the hapless gloom found himself on a large tropical island, complete with a cluster of primitive huts outfitted with the bare basics like satellite big-screen TV, cold beer on tap, and hot tubs. Next, he built on a recurrent theme he found in many human brains- a story about paradise with some guy named Adam and a chick named Eve. Psat'Doo figured there was some sort of typo in the story- paradise with only one woman? Ridiculous! Some versions of the story seem to include a woman named Mary Ann and something called a Ginger- possibly a sort of spice or coloration. The gloom fit in that role nicely by looking quite professorial.
