Blodysseus and his men were on their way seaward back to their island paradise. They had all been partying the past few days, celebrating their hard-fought victory. Unfortunately that leads to hangovers and despite the men being strong and in good health, they could not escape the damage they had done to themselves. They'd hoped the trip home would be a few short days at the most. However, they could all really use some rest. Just when the worst of the hangover was setting in there was an island spotted off in the distance.
"Boys," said Blodyseus, silhouetted by the late afternoon sun, his muscles gleaning in the light "we gotta sleep this shit off somehow, how say we go to that island?" he asked his men.
"We can power through this, bro!" said Jerkules, always a bit of a malcontent but still very much respected.
"Says the one that doesn't drink," joked Blodysseus, "how about the rest of you?"
The men's groans and slurred words indicated their agreement with him that they should head toward the island.
"Alright men, land ho!" and Blodysseus and crew steered the ship toward the island, using the last of their energy to row themselves there. They arrived as the sun was going down. It didn't take them long to beach the ship and pass out, falling asleep to a beautiful full moon and the sound of the gentle waves breaking on the shore. Blodysseus rose with the sun only to find Jerkules washing himself, the water cascading off his broad shoulders down the the rest of his muscular body, channeling between his toned abs. They both shared a gaze and smiled.
"You want some of this?" said Jerkules.
"Ha!," exclaimed Blodysseus, "I don't do teases. I'm too seasoned to fall for that."
"Maybe I'm just a lost boy looking for his daddy." replied Jerkules, winking and cocking his head to the side.
"Oh, you can be cute." Blodysseus could feel what was in the air. Just then his stomach started growling, then the post-hangover hunger hit. The rest of the men were also beginning to stir. They reasoned they would forage a bit to save their supplies for when they were back on the sea. The place was beautiful. White sands and green, lush vegetation defined the terrain. The men soon found a cave and, of course, ventured inside to soothe their curiosity. Maybe they'd find mushrooms or something else to eat. Or just something interesting to look at.
They weren't let down. The place was fairly large and without the dank air of most caves, and full of food items. Baskets of mushrooms were to be found along the walls beside containers of cheeses that were still drying. Obviously somebody lived here but there was no sign of whoever inhabited this cave. "Be fast about it, boys," said Blodysseus, "let's get what we need and go." Just as his boys began gathering up the food they began feeling vibrations that quickly increased their intensity.
Then they found the sources of the vibrations as a giant, humanoid creature entered the room. "Who the fuck?" his deep voice boomed, echoing throughout the cave, "Oh, you little shits!"
