I felt like I was goin' off the deep end, all stressed out and confused, so I thought I'd try going to a shrink.
I stepped into her office and she had me lie down on the big, expensive-looking brown leather proverbial couch. She asked me to talk about whatever was on my mind so I began.
'Last night for instance, I had this dream.'
'What did you dream about?'
'I was one of those stripper-waiters at some kind of a bachelorette party, you know the kind who wear just that stupid white tuxedo-collar?'
'Yes, I believe know the kind you mean.'
'Good. Well, I had on one of those and was passing out shots at this club and getting my dick sucked by all the beautiful young ladies in attendance...'
The bespectacled young psychiatrist shifted slightly in her chair, but didn't say anything and let me continue.
'I'm sorry, do you mind me telling you about this?'
'No, no, not at all. That's the idea, to tell me everything so I can effectively analyze your mental condition.'
'OK. Well the girls had me lie down on a coffee table and they all started flashing their tits and pussies- ahem- I mean their breasts and vaginas-'
'Please Mr. Holland, use the vernacular you're most comfortable with so as not to interrupt the flow of your recollection.'
'Very well. Then they started squirting themselves, as well as my... cock down with baby-oil from bottles. My dick started to grow and grow as the girls stroked it and sucked it. There was this loud dance music playing the whole time; it was kind of like a 'Girls Gone Wild' video, except even more hardcore...'
The shrink, Ms. Peaches, cleared her throat but said nothing and took a few notes.
'They were giving me an oiled hand-job... you do know what a 'hand-job' is, right?'
'Ahem- Yes, yes I do. Please go on.'
'OK. So this naked oiled blonde girl was stroking my oiled dick up and down with her hands, and my cock eventually grew to about three feet in length! Suddenly Cameron Diaz shows up naked and starts jerking me off as well. Then along comes Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu who start sucking on my nuts, one nut in each of their mouths. So it was a great dream so far, you understand.
Then Diaz sits down on my cock in reverse-cowgirl- that's when the girl takes the penis into her vagina facing away from him- and somehow, my whole three-foot rock-hard dick slides up her perfectly shaved smooth cunt to it's base, and she starts fucking me! Gorgeous girls are kissing my mouth on either side of me, and I'm still wearing that stupid collar. I'm squeezing girls tits left, right and center, big round firm fake tits, and fingering their shaved pussies and assholes. Barrymore and Liu are still sucking on my balls as Diaz fucks me in a delicious energetic up and down humping motion of her gorgeously sculpted ass.'
I notice Peaches is staring at me slightly wide-eyed, her pupils dilated, her mouth agape. And that my cock is nearly fully hard in my pants at the memory of my dream. But she snaps her attention back to her clipboard and hastily takes more notes and tells me to continue. I brush at my jeans, trying to subdue the massive erection therein and remember where I am.
'So I'm about to ejaculate- cum- inside Cameron Diaz's vagina- I mean her pussy, when she turns her head around and glances at me...'
'Then what happened?'
'She suddenly had my ex-girlfriend's face! I still miss her so badly that I couldn't cum, and I started to cry instead. Then it started to rain right inside the club in my dream and I woke up in a cold sweat and couldn't go back to sleep.'
'I see,' she said adjusting her glasses and shifting in her chair. 'The good news is I think I've identified your disturbance, and can help you with it.'
'You can? Great!'
'Yes. I'd like you to please lie down on the coffee table and we're going to re-enact your dream, re-create the events to activate the centers in your brain associated with the trauma of losing your girlfriend. Only this time, you will replace the feelings of sadness over losing her with love for her, and happiness over the freedom of choice you both have. Later on we'll delve into the reasons why it didn't work out, but for today's session I want us to get to the emotional root of your recent stress-pattern.'
I wondered incredulously if she meant she was actually gonna take my cock in her pussy, and thought that if she did, I'd really be getting my 300 bucks and hour's worth from her!
I lay down on the coffee table and tried to relax and not get too much of a boner, but the later was a losing battle.
'I almost forgot, I'm going to need you to take off your clothes, so as to be as close as possible to how you were in your dream,' she told me seriously.
'Really?? I- I mean, I thought this-'
'Please! Mr. Holland, if this is going to work, I'll need you to trust my experience and do exactly as I say. This is strictly for therapeutic purposes only, I assure you.'
'Alright...' So I stripped down, somewhat uncomfortably, my dick springing up in front of me (there was nothing I could do about that) and lay back down on the coffee table with my dick pointing up at the ceiling.