The Bet (does She or Doesn't She)?

I have to thank Arilyn Writer for the editing job without which this effort would not be readable. The thing is though when I get a project back I always have to change something, so any mistakes that you find are mine.

My wife, Megan, and Ron's wife, Alison, were upstairs in the kitchen gossiping away like long lost sisters. What they had so much to gab about I don't know. Hell they saw each other just last week, and I'm sure there couldn't be that much happen to them that they had to carry on like that. Mind you they might be doing like the women all over the world did when they got together with another woman; Complain about their husbands. I'm sure all you guys have been there, so you know what it's like.

Ron and I being men were being a bit more productive with our time.

We were sitting in front of the TV in the downstairs rec. room practicing our best complaining. What were we complaining about? Why the home team was putting on a big time demonstration in how to lose a game to the underdogs. We had basically given up on the game and were doing our own yakking back and forth.

You guessed it, we were complaining about our wives.

I told Ron, "Megan just about broke the bank buying her latest outfit. A hundred and forty bucks if you can believe it. Then she had to get some matching shoes, and that was an extra fifty. All she gave me as an excuse for spending so much was it looked so good and fit so well she just had to have it."

I continued complaining by saying, "Christ, she has no regards to how much she spends. With her buying that outfit I won't be able to build that fence she wants because now I can't buy a new circular saw."

"If you want you can borrow mine," Ron offered. "That way you can make her happy, and for once you will owe me one, instead of me always borrowing your stuff."

"No, but thanks anyway," I replied. "I don't really want to start that project until next month anyway. This new outfit of hers just gives me a good excuse to not start right away."

"Well there you go, she just gave you a reprieve from working in the yard. I don't know what you are complaining about."

I looked at him and said, "I'm not really complaining it's just that she spends money as fast as it comes in. I wish she were more like your wife. Alison is a real skinflint."

"Yeah she is that. She holds on to money like her life depends on it and there isn't a coupon around she isn't cutting out. Hell she even shops at the goodwill store to save a few bucks, and don't get me started on the cheap no name groceries she comes home with. Most of them have no taste at all. She is so stubborn about penny pinching it's almost an obsession with her. Sometimes I'm sure if her life depended on it she wouldn't spend a dime to save it. She's got to have some Scottish blood in her somewhere, what with this obsession with not spending money."

I had heard Ron complain about this a few times when he wanted something, but she put the kibosh on it so I knew where he was coming from. From that topic we went on to discuss a few other things, but my mind just kept coming back to Alison being so cheap and I knew I was missing something. It took a while but then it hit me.

This was the chance I was waiting for.

I don't know why, but Alison was always finding ways to humiliate me. Everyone that knew her knew she had this devilish streak in her and she could pull off some of the best pranks on a moment's notice. My idea was the perfect way of getting back at Alison for all the embarrassing things she pulled on me. I smiled as I told Ron, "With Alison being so penny wise, I bet a guy could have some fun with her. "Remember when she played that prank on me last week and embarrassed me all to heck with paint all over my shirt? I think I would like to get some payback."

Ron chuckled and said, "That episode was pretty funny, but don't forget that day a few months ago when we walked into your house and your mom and dad were sitting there having coffee and without warning she jumped all over you giving you the works. I loved the look on your face when she stood there in front of you with her hands on her hips and reamed you out for having your parents over that day because, according to her the two of you were supposed to be having sex with Megan and me watching." He laughed out loud as he said, "You were gasping for air and I thought your eyes were going to pop out."

I remembered that awkward event. I said to Ron, "Yeah she sure pulled my chain that day. It's a good thing she told my mom and dad it was just a prank though, I know mom was ready to have a stroke."

"So just how are you going to get back at her?" Ron questioned.

"Just play along with me and I think you will get a real chuckle out of what I have planned. All I will say is it involves her insistence on not spending any extra money foolishly, and her being so willing to do anything to save a penny. I'm going to play on that big time to embarrass her to death."

Seeing as the game was over, (our team lost of course), we went upstairs to join the women. Alison played the hostess and got us some coffee, and the four of us sat chatting for a bit. During the chat I casually mentioned I saw some girl downtown the other day covered in tattoos. I then looked across the table and asked Alison if she had any tattoos.

"No, why would you even think I would have one she replied."

"Well it seems it's the in thing, and everyone has one nowadays. Even Megan has a small one on her ankle. I just thought you would have one too."

"Well I don't," she said, "Why would I spend money on something like that?"

That's when I started my game. I got a smile on my face and then looked over at Ron as I quizzed her in my best inspector Colombo voice, "So you're telling me you don't have a tattoo. I'm sure you have one, and you're just too stubborn to admit you spent money foolishly on yourself."

Ron got a big smirk on his face as it dawned on him where I was going with this.

Mentioning Alison spending money frivolously on herself got her offended. She immediately was on the defensive and as she vehemently denied having a tattoo.

Boy you talk about getting snarled at.

I looked her right in the eyes and changing my voice to the Jacques Clouseau of Pink Panther Fame said, "You say you don't have one, but just by the way you are acting I think you are just trying to cover up the fact that you do have one. I'm willing to bet you $100 on that. So put up or shut up, let's see your money."

After another round of her reaming me a new one, she calmed a bit as she came to the realization she had me beat on this, so she readily agreed to the bet.

With Ron and Megan as witnesses to the bet she smugly said, "I don't have a tattoo so you owe me a $100 dollars, pay up."

I then said, "I can't just take your word for it. I think you have to prove it to me personally or forfeit your money. If you don't prove it to me by showing me, you don't win."

She tried to weasel out of the bet by getting Ron to say she didn't have a tattoo. When he said she didn't, I again explained to her that I couldn't take Ron's word for it. After all he was biased in this, and he didn't want to upset her so he would get cut off with no sex indefinitely or something. After all he had to live with her. I again told her she had to prove it to me personally.

"But the only way to do that would be to take off my clothes to show you I haven't got one." That's when she got a scowl on her face when she realized the predicament she was in and that I had set her up. Ron sat there with a dead pan look on his face, but I could tell he wanted to burst out laughing and didn't want to upset Alison. Megan just sat there with her mouth open not knowing what to do.

Me, I sat there staring at her with my elbows on the table and my jaw in my hands smiling at her waiting to see what she would do. Lose the money on a bad bet, which would piss her off to no end, or take off her clothes to save her $100, and in the process embarrass herself. No matter how this played out I was the winner of this round.

I'll let you figure out how this one turned out.