Taklon Psatdoo Loses Something

Tales of the B'naf'By- In which Psat'Doo loses something important

By Paladin

"My Erotic Fiction", which means you cannot copy or repost it without permission, that it may be illegal or immoral for you to read, and none of it is real.

Introduction to the B'Naf'By.

The B'Naf'by are a grand and glorious race from near the center of the galaxy. To try to describe them does them a disservice- they are at the same time far too complicated for the human mind to comprehend and disgustingly ugly by any human standards. They are best known for gambling, although that is too mild a term for their massively complicated sports which have resulted in the loss of entire civilizations and at least one 'misplaced' sun.

The two B'Naf'by in most of these stories, Tak'Lon and Psat'Doo, have the task of monitoring a muddy rock in the Sol system. The Greater Galactic Council tasked the B'Naf'By with this task much as a human court might task a juvenile delinquent with community service. It is meant to be a humiliating task, a punishment, and a way to get a distasteful job taken care of at the same time.

To learn more about the B'Naf'By, consider reading the late, great Milton Frequetoast's celebrated tome "A Cross-Cultural Study of the B'Naf'Bian Empire from the Post-Carnivorous Period to Current Time, With a Special Focus on the Influence of Gambling on the Intergalactic Stock Market and the Subsequent Fall of the Golariandians."

However, since his tour de force work is long out of print, the thirster of knowledge might do well to get a copy of "So You've met A B'Naf'Bian! (Or, how to kiss your ass goodbye with dignity!)" at any local transgalactic tourist kiosk.

Tales of the B'Naf'By-: In which Psat'Dooo loses something important

By Paladin

"Grrsh K'Nab diskin toff!" Tak'Lon was growling to himself [Ed note: we agreed in an earlier episode to use the masculine pronoun for these two- it is just easier and I just don't want to think about B'Naf'By genders any more] as he stamped along the ship's corridor, punching holes through the walls of the ship every few steps, diligently followed by a swarm of repair droids desperately trying to keep up with the damage.

While all members of the B'Naf'By are known for being grouchy, especially before their morning cups of BLECH!, Tak'Lon was grouchy for a specific reason. His shipmate, Psat'Doo, lost his Device on that wretched planet they were orbiting and forced to keep an eye on. He was really getting to hate this Klang'Dang'Fang place.

Psat'Doo had been making a burger run, getting a couple dozen of the juicy cow disks from a place called Quintet Dudes that apparently adds addictive substances to the cow disks, and some more kitty litter. The almost terminally inept Psat' Doo at least got the right stuff this time. The previous bag lacked both crunch and the rich flavor they craved.

But, to both being's horror, they discovered that Psat'Doo dropped his Device while navigating the terrors of the city's streets! The Devices, which needed no other name, were to B'Naf'By research teams what the Sonic Screwdriver is to Dr. What's His Face or the Tricorder was to Mr. Spork. It converts thought to action, could rearrange energy and reality, and made a perfectly spliffy paperweight.

Tak'Lon's irony glands quivered thinking about it. Devices were some of the most important things a B'Naf'By could own, but they had absolutely no way to track them when misplaced, and they tended to get misplaced a lot since they had no handles or anything, and the B'Naf'By disdained pockets- if something was important enough to have with you, by Jolm, it was important enough to hold in one of one's manipulator limbs. Besides, pockets just ruined the lines of their uniforms.

Each Device looked different. Tak'Lon's looked a lot like a pink rubber ducky but Psat'Doo's looked like a cartoon rabbit with zebra-stripes. Tak'Lon personally thought it looked stupid, but it was the epitome of rudeness to criticize another being's Device.

Back on Soil, or Dirt, or whatever the darned planet's name was, Psat'Doo was getting more and more despondent as he searched for his Device. Nothing looked familiar and his disguise was rubbing him in all the worst places. It might have helped if he was in the right neighborhood.. or the right city. Hell, it might have even been OK if he was on the right continent, but since everyplace was just as disgusting to him as another, he did not even notice that Johannesburg, South Africa was not quite the same thing as Pittsburgh, USA. To add to the irony, his Device would have pointed this out to him.

Meanwhile, back in Pittsburgh...

"Toby! What do you have in your mouth?" Tina reached down and took a weird rabbit-looking toy out of the small fluffy dog's mouth. "Where did you find this?" she wondered. It looked expensive. he must have picked it up while they were on the walk. Every day about this time she took the Jefferson's cockapoo on a walk while the couple worked. She got him a chew bone and refilled his food and water dishes as usual. Since it was her payday, she waited for Mr. Jefferson to come home so she could collect her fees.

She picked up the toy and was fiddling with it, intrigued by the the odd thing. If she had been able to sense a few more wavelengths, she would have seen or felt the Device issue a scanning ray that swept over her in a matter of seconds. It compared what it found to its programming and determined a course of action.

Unfortunately for Tina, the Device was preset for a wide variety of possible missions to Dirtball, and they were activated by giving the Device a firm pinch until the desired mission is selected. As Toby chewed it, he cursored through options like 'kill all humans', 'test the Chaos Theory by making all butterflies left-handed', and 'solve world hunger and the energy crisis in three easy steps' to end up on 'hypersexuality, enhanced sexual characteristics, and simplified neural functions'. In the interest of full disclosure, a full 80% of the options involved some form of human sexuality since that was a big part of Psat'Doo's and Tak'lon's mission (and added spice to their gambling contests to boot.)

By holding the Device, Tina triggered the program and began to feel funny... then really happy and giggly... then increasingly horny. "Oh, golly... what's happening? Tee hee!" The Device employed a complex algorithm to apply the correct variation of hypersexuality. Her short chestnut hair grew from shoulder to middle-of-her back length even as the middle of her back grew slim and shapely. She shed weight to reveal a toned waist and hips. Lips plumped and cheekbones began to show as her face shifted from forgettable to fabulous. Her eyes grew large and luminous, her muddy brown eyes taking on a shine and gold highlights even as her lashes grew long and fluttery.

Her overall height of 5' 3" did not change a lot, but her stumpy legs reshaped themselves into twin ivory pillars of female perfection, and her rather unremarkable bottom firmed into twin firm globes. Her saggy breasts inflated with every breath, and quickly overfilled the now far too-small bra she was wearing. "Golly, this really hurts." she murmured in a now adorably sexy voice as she wriggled out of the top. Had a typical human male been watching, he either would have spontaneously ejaculated or asked her to marry him at the sight.

Mr. William (Bill) Jefferson arrived home with every intention of paying his rather dumpy dog-walker... right after he changed out of his tie and jacket. When he got to the bedroom, he was stunned to see a cutely-gorgeous and very busty girl wearing just a few random scraps laying on his bed, rubbing herself all over and giggling. As he drew a breath to ask what the hell was going on, he smelled her muskiness and it stunned him for a moment.

He did not really notice that she was jamming some toy thingie into her cootch until she giggled and threw it at him. It hit him with a bit of a splat, then slid down to the ground- analyzing him as it fell. Bill was confused... this sexy young thing looked sorta like Tina, but Tina was never this hot. Hot hot hot. He was getting hot. Hot and hard. He began to fumble at his clothes with clumsy fingers, and just tore a few things off as his body shifted. He added muscle mass and dark curly hair erupted on his chest and arms. His arms and legs grew thicker as his torso grew more manly and added slabs of muscle.

By the time he tore off the shreds of his boxers, he had forgotten a lot of things, like the names of the things that still hung around his fuck stick, which was growing throbbingly larger and larger, as if being pumped up by his pulsing and inflating balls. "Uh?" he grunted, looking at the bright pink target between the girl's legs.

Her pheromone-enriched scent caught his nose again. If this would have been a cartoon, two gaseous hands would have grabbed his head and drug him to the bed between her legs. Soon, his now much longer tongue was lashing at her overheated and juicy cunt and she was twisting and groaning in her own pleasures. He was grunting as he tried to shove his face into her hot and wet opening, rubbing her throbbing clit with his nose as he did so.

Tina came with a scream, digging her hands in his thick hair, and squirting juices all over his face that he felt driven to lap up furiously. With another series of grunts, he flipped her over effortlessly and pulled her to the end of the bed so he could drive his massive meat into her as he slapped and kneaded her tight, cute butt. She was screaming as his thickness tore into her, threatening to split her wide open and loving every inch of it.

Far outside the room, Tak'Lon recalled his partner to the ship- the sensors detected that the Device had been triggered, twice! Maybe if they reconfigured the deflector screen to scan for anti-protonic neutrinos they could locate the Device!? Psat'Doo figured that if gibberish like that worked on that documentary on early space exploration they watched... the one with Mr. Spork and Captain Crunch... no, Captain, uh... Quirk? What the splaffort was it called again? Star Dreck? Anyway, this sort of nonsensical thing always worked for them, so why not give it a try? He began to Google 'anti-protonic neutrinos' and was frankly surprised to get 415,000 hits on it. This might take a moment...

Just outside the room, Mrs Julia Jefferson was upset. There were loud noises in her bedroom and her husband had not put away the dishes yet. The forty-something, thick, matronly-looking woman opened the door to see what at first glance looked like a gorilla fucking an inflatable doll on her bed... and rumpling the covers! She was about to yell at the two strangers when she caught a whiff of some earthy fragrance... musky, wild, sensual... it made her tingle in places no one had made her tingle in some time.

Then she noticed the ape man more closely. "Bill??? Bill?! BILLL!!" Her HUSBAND was porking some slutty tramp on top of her bed, on top of the beautiful quilt she inherited from her grandmother! The tramp looked vaguely familiar too for some reason, but Julia was sure she did not know anyone with such lovely knockers... er, such humongous titties... she shook her head a bit to clear her thoughts. "WILLIAM THOMAS JEFFERSON!"

Bill was undeterred from the task before him- shoving his cock and cum in this girl until it comes out of the top of her head. Tina, on the other hand, was getting annoyed at the screeching coming from the doorway. Who could concentrate on the wild sensations she was feeling in her va-jay-jay and tight nips with all this noise? She groped around for something to throw at the source of the disturbance.

"Splat!" Even wetter than it had been before, the Device hit Julia's face with a big wet smack! Quickly scanning the new life form, the Device almost sighed- not much different than what it had found before- same basic DNA structure as the first one, similar mental structure to the second. Oh, well... Hey... what if...? The Device hummed with furious purpose for a moment before the dog arrived on the scene and took the Device with the interesting new scents on it to the foot of the bed to quietly chew on it some more.

Julia leaned on the doorway for a moment. She was upset, right? That was her husband, wasn't it? Fucking the daylights out of... wasn't that Tina? That was wrong of him, right? Of course it was! He should be fucking her, right? A wave of tingling and dizziness swept over her and passed. She looked at her clothing and shuddered slightly. "No wonder he isn't fucking me", she thought. "I'm dressed like some sort of prude. Besides, these things are so baggy, for some reason."

Julie let her clothes literally slip off her small, slender barely pubescent figure, confused why she was wearing her mom's stuff. She looked at her husband... that did not sound right. Her daddy? That was closer and made her all tingly again. She looked at her Daddy and began to touch her young, hairless cunny lips. "Ummm.. I wish I was big enough to play with them, too." She murmured as she rubbed.

As she rubbed, her wish was granted (actually the next phase of programming kicked in) and she began to grow. The boyish pre-teen started to get taller and fill out. Her delta sprouted a delicate fuzz that felt wonderful under her questing fingers, and her tight little slit blossomed into silky plump tissues that grew slick under her fingers while sending a warm buzz along her nerves. Her hips widened as her face restructured to what Julia might have looked like had her genetic lottery gone slightly differently- high cheekbones, delicate features, huge blue eyes, expressive lips. Her hair was growing silky and pale, tumbling along her shoulders and back. Her breasts were slowly filling, the contours shifting as the tissue under the skin multiplied. The changing shapes of her breasts were fascinating to watch. Small mounds grew into distinct bumps, then swelled into bullet-shaped hills. The hills grew, and a crease developed under them as they began to sag just a bit. The lower part of the breasts continued to fill, like balloons hanging from her shoulders.

The new Julie was still staring, seemingly unaware that she was now a stunning eighteen year-old blonde sexpot. One hand was tweaking long hard nipples as her other was working in her juicy pussy. She probably would have kept staring if Tina had not noticed her and waved her in, smiling.

Julie began to kiss Tina wetly on her plump lips and fiddled with Tina's big boobies as Tina began to rub Julie's little hot box. Breaking away, Julie looked at Bill who was staring at the source of new fresh smells between Julie's legs. "Daddy, would you fuck me, too?"

Something she said worked its way into Bill's thickened thought processes and pressed a bunch of buttons. His cock felt like it grew three sizes and he dug his mouth into Julie's sweet spot as he came in Tina again, bringing both of the reformed girls off in loud orgasms.

He slipped his treemendous log out of Tina's messy valley and rubbed it against Julie's fresh one. Tina reached down to lend a hand, and Bill was able to shove several inches into Julie, rupturing her just-reformed cherry and making her yelp in shock. Bill had the smarts to hold off for a moment until Julie began to squirm on his shaft, then he resumed the pile-driving, pounding his tool deep inside the hot young thing.

Sensors on-board the Good Ship Lah-Lee-POP! picked up the third triggering, urging the crew to new heights of desperate labor. "Sir, the engineering bots report that the deflector dish has been recalibrated!" Psat'Doo reported, his venom spines positively gleaming with anticipation.

"Thank you, ensign. Science Officer- activate the new sensors!" Psat'Doo was not quite sure why Tak'lon was calling him both an ensign and the Science Officer- there were just the two of them on the bridge. Oh well, these five year missions had that sort of effect on people. Psat'Doo pressed the button- the one with the hand-written label reading 'Sensor' hastily stuck over one previously labeled 'Death Ray #26'. The bridge shook as several panels exploded in showers of sparks. The repair droids scrambled to put out the many small fires and were already working on resoldering connections.

"Results?" Tak'Lon thundered, questioningly. Psat'Doo stared at him in disbelief. Most of the bridge was smoldering and he thought the Plorting thing worked? Psat'Doo looked at a monitor- holy crap! It did! Whodathunk?

"The sensors show that it is located there." He pointed at a spinning holographic representation of the planet with a giant red arrow pointing at a spot labeled 'Pittsburg, PA, USA'.

"Well, what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?" Tak'Lon asked with a distinct snicker in his voice. Psat'Doo slunk to the transporter as he contemplated a way to kill Tak'Lon in a way that would bring honor back to him and his clan. The wood choppers he had seen on Dirt looked intriguing.

Back in Pittsburgh, again...

Bill's mind had cleared somewhat after uncountable orgasms, even as the minds of the two girls had fuzzed up some. He was sitting at the dresser looking at his two... what? Wives? Daughters? Concubines? Fuck toys? That last one worked for him.

One was a medium-tall platinum blonde bombshell with a long, trim body and bodacious tatas and tush. The other was a short hotty with red hair and tits that a-l-m-o-s-t looked too big on her smaller but very curvy body. Both were laying back, fluids leaking out of or drying on most of their flawless bodies. Tina was sucking on Julie's fingers and rubbing Julie's swampy puss while Julie stroked Tina's titanic titties.

Bill jerked his chin at Julie, and she instantly sat up, smiling. He nodded towards the foot of the bed and she quickly squatted at the edge and presented her dripping quim. Bill slid his meat into her perfectly buttered bun in a long slow motion, both of them moaning at the sensations. Another jerk of his head and Tina re-positioned herself so Julie could eat her out. As the three worked on orgasm number 104 or so, none of them noticed the door open just a little.

A long, horrifically horrifying appendage slid into the room and snagged Toby's collar. In the blink of an eye, Toby was whisked out of the room with barely a startled yelp! The three might have noticed some scuffling noises had they been paying attention. After a moment, Toby came back into the room and settled in her usual place at the foot of the bed as if nothing had happened, although she did have a really confused look in her blue Siamese cat's eyes.

"So... mission accomplished?" Tak'Lan queried, primary appendages holding the big wooden steering wheel that looked so cool but was not actually hooked up to anything.

Psat'Doo saluted with a tertiary limb, implying sarcasm and a bit of condescension. "Yes sir, Device was recovered, no accidental contact was made."

"What about the three hoomans involved with triggering the Device?"

"What about them?" Psat'Doo asked, genuinely curious.

"Did you put things right? Undo what horrors the Device unleashed on them?" Tak'Lon asked, chest fully puffed with self-importance.

"I did not notice anything out of the ordinary there to correct." Psat'Doo said honestly as he looked at the monitors.

According to the displays, the two girls stayed with Bill in an extended family, but the three of them tended to have wild sex with anyone or anything that would hold still long enough. The predictive display unit gave good odds that they would either die of fluid loss, or become wildly successful Internet personalities within a month.

Right now, one screen showed Tina having acrobatic sex with the neighbor boy on the trampoline in their backyard while Bill had the boy's mom bent over the (hopefully unlit) grill and Julie was sucking the dad off in the pool. Based on the scattering of the clothing, they had been at this for some time and this was about the third bout of pairings they had gone through.