Shell Teach You A Thing Or Two

Regular readers realise that I'm a paragon of virtue. And if you're not a regular reader and you don't believe me you can ask my parole officer. She would tell you that I would never condone teacher/pupil relations, even if the pupil was a mature student. In fact, even if the pupil was old enough to be the teacher's mother. And especially if the pupil was the teacher's mother.

This is a teacher role play. A completely unrelated scenario. When I say unrelated I don't mean the two characters are unrelated. Many couples in lockdown are married and as high as my moral standards are I see no reason why they shouldn't have sex. I appreciate that by this time you may be getting on one another's nerves but pretending you're other people will help. Make up sex is a great way of making up. That's why it's called make up sex.

The old saying goes... "Those who can't teach; those who can't teach, teach P.E." Personally unlike most people, I don't agree with this notion, and as a dyed in the wool feminist, I'm dead set against the clichéd, stereotypical and downright offensive teacher/schoolgirl role play.

If it was down to me, and it happens to be, I prefer to advocate the fresh, modern and downright sexy gym mistress/schoolboy version. As with all these lockdown games extemporising is key, but here's another broad outline. The late 20th Century female P.E teacher was a woman of many parts, pretty much all of them well worth close inspection. They were fit and much more than just a pretty face. They had killer bodies too.

And they were versatile; women of many parts. Miss Brewster didn't just keep her pupils fit; she also taught them sex education. Morse Minor an Upper sixth former comes to see her. You may not have gone to public school in the 70's, but let's say he did and he's knocking on the door of her living quarters.

Before we start, a quick riddle. "What could be found in Australasia in the 70's, but is now associated with the largest country in South America?" (Answer down below.)

Dress is optional. It's after school, so Morse Minor could wear a pair of grey trousers and a white shirt. It's the 70's so a bit of flare is good and if you can find a pair of platforms and an old school tie, so much the better. Let's say that he enters to find Miss Brewster at her desk filling in end of year report sheets wearing just the obligatory high heels, a modish mini and a tight 'T' shirt. Panties optional. There is a knock on your home office door...

Miss Brewster: "Come in! Oh, it's you Morse Minor, what can I do for you?"

He explains the reason for his impromptu visit...

Morse Minor: "I wasn't able to attend this afternoon's lesson Miss Brewster, and I've popped in to see what it was all about."

Miss Brewster: "I see, it was just sex education, so there was nothing that you need to know for your exams. I wouldn't worry about it."

Morse Minor: "But I do, what happens when I meet a girl?"

Miss Brewster: "I gave the others a set of diagrams and pictures, one of them will let you look. You're a smart lad, I'm sure you'll work it out."

Morse Minor: "I asked them, but they won't show me. Have you got a spare copy?"

Miss Brewster: "I'm afraid not, some of the boys had to share."

Morse Minor: "Then could you show me what to do yourself?"

Miss Brewster: "Well, it's very unorthodox, but in the absence of essential teaching material I suppose it's my moral duty. What would you like to learn about?"

Morse Minor: "Well Miss, I've never seen a ladies body. I think if I did then I'd have a better idea about the subject."

She stands up and moves to the side of the desk.

Miss Brewster: "Of course you would, the vagina is here (pointing at her crotch) and whenever a man sees it, he becomes so excited that his penis becomes hard and he's then able to put it inside. He thrusts it in and out and after a while he cums and shoots sperm into it."

Morse Minor: "Is that what Mr Smith does when he comes to your room?"

Miss Brewster: "Of course not, Mr Smith is a happily married man. He only enjoys doing that to Mrs Smith. I'm talking hypothetically."

Morse Minor: "And does the hypothetical lady also cum?"

Miss Brewster: "Not if she's being shagged by Mr Smith she doesn't."

Morse Minor: "I thought you said you didn't do it with Mr Smith."

Miss Brewster: "Mrs Smith told me. Anyway, she does it so that his sperm goes into her womb in order to fertilise an egg that nine months later will become a baby."

Morse Minor: "You're getting me worried now."

Miss Brewster: "Because you don't want to have a baby?"

Morse Minor: "No, because sometimes my penis gets hard without seeing your vagina."

Miss Brewster: "You mean a hypothetical vagina of course?"

Morse Minor: "Of course."

Miss Brewster: "There's nothing to worry about because no male has any control whatsoever of their penis."

Morse Minor: "It happens all the time when I look at your tits."

Miss Brewster: "Breasts. Which you haven't actually seen. I make a point of keeping them covered at all times during class. They were very clear on that issue at Teacher Training College."

Morse Minor: "I'm sure they did, but we're not in class now, so could you show them to me?"

Miss Brewster: "You make a very good point. It's still highly unconventional but under the circumstances I suppose it would be OK. Technically you've left school as of this afternoon so you're not really my pupil and you really do need to know about sex before going out into the big bad world."

She removes her 'T' shirt.

Morse Minor: "They're beautiful Miss."

Miss Brewster: "Thank-you. I like to keep in shape."

Morse Minor: "You're very shapely Miss."

Miss Brewster: "I'm glad you think so. But now you've seen them I think it's time to leave. I have a lot of marking to do."

He moves towards the door, but then hesitates...

Morse Minor: "You know I've never touched a woman's breasts."

Miss Brewster: "Morse Minor, I really do have a lot on my plate this evening, but if you go straight afterwards you can see if you enjoy stroking them. Most men's version of foreplay is in fact a quick grope."

He approaches her and gently caresses her breasts.

Morse Minor: "I do enjoy stroking them. They're lovely and firm, though not as firm as my penis which is now harder than a simultaneous equation."

Miss Brewster: "Then I suppose that I would be failing in my duty of care if I didn't show you where you put it in theory."

She lets her skirt slip to the floor, and he steps back to see her completely naked.

Morse Minor: "That's a shock."

Miss Brewster: "Didn't you realise that my vagina would be covered with hair? All women's are."

(Remember this is the 70's, which brings us to the solution to the riddle. The answer is as I'm sure you guessed, is the lady garden. In the 70's nearly all of these tended to be untended and were therefore associated with the map of Tasmania, where, by happy coincidence Errol Flynn was born. If Flynn was resurrected in this century, he'd be sectioned when he asked where he could find a map of Tasmania. Nobody calls it that today. The part he sought would be 6,822.4 miles away, the distance between Hobart and Rio. Bikini waxes were introduced to New York in 1987 by seven Brazilian-born sisters. Ironic that South Americans are responsible for so much North American de-forestation.)

Morse Minor: "No, I guessed that it would be. The other boys told me what they looked like. What I'm surprised about is that you must be a real blonde. And I still can't see where it goes."

Miss Brewster: "Of course, it must be difficult with all the hair. I'll obviously have to lie down and spread my legs wide, and then everything will become clear."

She lays down and opens her legs to expose her vulva. (If like the unfortunate Morse Minor you missed your sex education lesson, this is the external opening of the vagina.)

Morse Minor: "I'm sorry; it's actually becoming more complicated now. You're saying I need to put my penis into the gap?

Miss Brewster: "Certainly not young man. I can assure you that's never going to happen. And that gap as you call it is a vagina."

Morse Minor: "Exactly what I thought, your vagina is much too small."

Miss Brewster: "No, what I mean is that you, a schoolboy are never going to have sexual intercourse with me, a teacher."

Morse Minor: "You said earlier that I wasn't your pupil, but in theory, you're saying that I could actually manage to squeeze my huge penis into your tight little vagina?"

Miss Brewster: "Exactly, my vagina is capable of stretching wide enough to let a baby out, plus when aroused, it becomes very wet, thus facilitating the penetration of even the largest penis."

Morse Minor: "Is your vagina wet now Miss?"

Miss Brewster: "It's no business of yours, but as a matter of fact I can feel it becoming absolutely soaked with love juice at the moment."

Morse Minor: "What's love juice?"

Miss Brewster: "It's a colloquialism used to describe vaginal lubrication, a naturally produced fluid that saturates my vagina. I produce much more than normal when I become sexually aroused and am anticipating intercourse."

Morse Minor: "Could I feel it to see what it's like?"

Miss Brewster: "I suppose it can't do any harm."

He kneels down and lays his hand on her pubic mound.

Morse Minor: "My God, you're drenched Miss. Are you sure you haven't pissed yourself?"

Miss Brewster: "Of course not, I'm a super-fit P.E teacher who does her pelvic floor exercises every morning. I hardly ever piss myself. Put your finger in and I'll demonstrate."

He slides his middle finger in, and she contracts her muscles to hold it inside her.

Morse Minor: "That's very impressive Miss. Your vagina obviously benefits from regular workouts. Unfortunately, this makes me very concerned about my penis which never gets any exercise at all. You've seen loads so could I present it for inspection in order to benefit from your expert appraisal?"

She signals her consent by releasing his finger and he drops his trousers.

Miss Brewster: "Well, I can see now why you were concerned about fitting it inside me. It's a whopper! And I can assure you that it's an extremely healthy specimen."

Morse Minor: "I'm very relieved to hear you say that. I just wish that it would go down now so that I could go on my way."

Miss Brewster: "You could masturbate."

Morse Minor: "I'd go blind."

Miss Brewster: "I could do it for you."

Morse Minor: "You'd go blind."

Miss Brewster: "At this stage it's a risk I'd be happy to take."

Morse Minor: "Then you'd be a blind single mother. A blind single unemployed mother because you'd lose your job"

Miss Brewster: "I'll lose my job if anyone sees you leaving with that and can assure you I am not going to have a baby and I won't get pregnant if I wank you off."

Morse Minor: "But you claimed your vagina is capable of stretching wide enough to let a baby out."

Miss Brewster: "I was explaining that you wouldn't have a problem penetrating me with your penis because as impressive as your girth is, by no stretch of the imagination does it compare with the circumference of a baby's head."

Morse Minor: "Just an arm."

Miss Brewster: "Possibly. So, on your wedding night when you are poised to consummate your marriage to the future Mrs Morse Minor, you need have no anxieties."

Morse Minor: "If you pretended to be the future Mrs Morse Minor, you wouldn't have to be concerned about doing it with a pupil even though I've left, and I won't be anxious about the most important night of my life."

Miss Brewster: "A role play where I'd be consummating my marriage to Mr Morse Minor?"

Morse Minor: "Yes. If you can be sure you won't get pregnant."

Miss Brewster: "I can categorically guarantee that I will not get pregnant."

Morse Minor: "But remember you said that my sperm would go into your womb and fertilise an egg that nine months later would grow into a baby."

Miss Brewster: "That was Mrs Smith. I'm on the pill."

Morse Minor: "Oh yes, you mean the contraceptive pill which stops your ovaries from releasing an egg each month during ovulation. I believe it would also thicken the mucus from your cervix making it difficult for my sperm to move through it and reach your egg. Furthermore, it makes the lining of your uterus thinner, so it is less likely to accept a fertilised egg."

Miss Brewster: "Where did you become such a sexpert?"

Morse Minor: "I had a World-class fucking teacher when I was in the 6th Form."

Miss Brewster: (As Morse Minor) "I hope she didn't attempt to do anything inappropriate."

Morse Minor: "God no, she was very prim and proper, did everything by the book. I can assure you there was no way she would let me ram my cock deep inside her soaking cunt and hammer away at her until I made her scream with pleasure and unleashed a volley of spunk into her womb."

Miss Brewster: (As Morse Minor) "I'm so relieved to hear that. And now Mr Morse Minor are you ready to pass on all the theoretical knowledge you learned from her?"

Morse Minor: "Indeed I am Mrs Morse Minor. And for my first trick I'm going to put my big penis into your small vagina."

I'm not going to advise you how to fuck your significant other. That's up to the pair of you. Learn your parts, rehearse and in no time you'll be revitalising your sex lives. Let's take the down out of lockdown!

Sorry, I was looking for a big inspirational finale. "Let's take the down out of lockdown!" clearly isn't it. Just forget I wrote it. I'll leave you to sort out your own climax.