Promotion Commotion

As she eased her Mercedes into a parking spot at her 18-year-old daughter Anna's high school, Mrs. Danielle Parnell didn't give a second thought to the fact that she was fifteen minutes late for the final PTA meeting before the students' impending promotion ceremony the following weekend. In fact, she wasn't even a member of the PTA - far from it. She was a powerful lawyer - one as intelligent as she was gorgeous. Walking toward the school she was every bit the image of the alpha female. The stylish black 4" high heels on her feet supported a pair of tanned, toned legs covered above the knee by a black pin-stripe pencil skirt that in turn encased an ass that God and a ruthless fitness regimen had rendered nearly perfect. Having left her jacket in the car she wore only a crisp short-sleeve white oxford shirt above the waste topped by a fitted pin-stripe vest - her firm arms on display for all to see. She smiled sexily as she caught her own reflection in the glass of the school house door. Her impeccably coiffed shoulder length brown hair, her emerald green eyes and her immaculately white teeth revealed to her the image she loved the most --- herself.

As the 43-year-old beauty strutted down the main hallway of Davidsonville Central High School, emphasizing each step with a little extra sway of her hips, the click-clack of her heels foretold her arrival to the gathered parents and teachers in the midst of their association's meeting. Without as much as a "pardon me," or a "sorry I'm late," Mrs. Parnell pushed open the swinging doors to the cafeteria and proceeded very purposefully to walk to the front row and take a seat.

She didn't feel she needed the pardon of these people nor was she sorry - although she thought all of them most certainly were. What she did need, what she loved, was the rush she got from leaving the assembled husbands slack-jawed in awe of her beauty while their unworthy wives seethed at how easily she rendered them all invisible - the "losers." Surveying the sea of frumpy

house fraus

before her, be they mother or teacher, in their dumpy mom jeans with their khaki wearing pathetic husbands was a drug to Danielle. And her highest high came from catching one of the men in the act of admiring her. Catching him and loudly scolding him - ideally in front of his humiliated wife and her friends - for his "inappropriate" behavior.

Snaring the Superintendent of the Davidsonville School System in just such a trap was the predicate for her appearance at the meeting. A week before the meeting, at a gala charity fundraiser for the school, Dr. Eric Bloom, said superintendent and one of the town's kindest people, had accidentally bumped into the arrogant Mrs. Parnell, spilling just a drop of white wine on her black evening gown.

"Perhaps if you watched where you were going you clumsy oaf, rather than ogling my chest, you wouldn't have ruined my gown," she scolded him.

Her loud remonstrance had the intended effect of making him seem a lecherous pervert (although he was nothing of the sort). As she inwardly delighted in his discomfort - and simply reveled in the humiliation that her protests heaped upon his nearby wife - she turned up the heat some more.

"I see no choice but to go to the school board about this, Dr. Bloom. First you deny me the opportunity to take part in the high school promotion ceremony and now you practically assault me. I see now that the former prohibition was merely a consequence of your inability to control your

inappropriate

urges."

That Dr. Bloom had denied the preening Mrs. Parnell anything was pure fiction. In reality, upon hearing from the Central High School principal, Lori Whiting, that the officious Mrs. Parnell was lobbying hard to hand out the diplomas to the promoted students, Dr. Bloom had very patiently and calmly phoned Danielle to explain that the role she wanted was one bestowed upon the PTA President each year to thank that person for his or her service. He had further explained that this year's president, Rachel Miras, had devoted a substantial amount of time and effort to the PTA and was really looking forward to presenting the students with their diplomas. In short, he denied Danielle's request.

All that changed with the wine incident. "There is no need to go to the board," stammered the chastened Dr. Bloom at the gala. "I'm so terribly sorry for my urges . . . I mean for spilling my wine . . . I mean . . . the decision about who distributes the diplomas is mine alone and I and the PTA would be delighted for you to have that honor."

"And my daughter Anna will lead the Pledge of Allegiance too . . . won't she Dr. Bloom," the imperious woman glowered back at him.

"Um . . . but . . . well . . . I mean yes, yes she will," babbled the defeated superintendent.

Danielle had won again - of course - and she attended that evening's PTA meeting just to make that clear - and to flaunt both her beauty and superiority. It worked. The fathers and male teachers in the room sat staring transfixed at the sexy lawyer in her high fashion pin stripe suit, only stoking more the fire of Mrs. Parnell's limitless ego. The mothers and female staff, on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to see the haughty Parnell woman taken down a peg or two but were too intimidated by her ever to act on that impulse.

Particularly crestfallen was the now "demoted" Mrs. Miras, who in addition to losing her own role at the ceremony needed to explain to her daughter Sharon why she would no longer be leading the Pledge of Allegiance this weekend. But for the surprise appearance of Mrs. Parnell, the meeting was uneventful - the corpulent Principal Whiting (who weighed in at nearly 200 pounds but was only 5' 5" tall - a fact that disgusted Danielle) merely reviewed the agenda for the upcoming event. When it finally ended, all that mattered to supremely confident Mrs. Parnell was that when Saturday's promotion ceremony came she would be a central figure on stage - a forbidden fantasy for all the town's weak minded men and boys and an example to its pathetic women.

On the morning of the event Danielle charged her husband with getting Anna and their other two kids to the school on time while she got ready for her big debut. The day had not been without event because young Anna had asked if she could wear a stylish but somewhat shorter skirt to her promotion.

"Not a chance missy," Danielle had scolded her, "no child of mine is going to embarrass herself, me and this family by wearing something so inappropriate."

Now that her husband and kids were gone Danielle could focus on her own outfit for the ceremony. After the fetching Mrs. Parnell finished applying her make up, and putting her beautiful hair into a distinguished bun, she slid off her very short silk robe to drink in her greatest desire. Staring back at her from the mirror in a towering pair of 4.5" black heels, a sheer zebra print thong (through which a careful eye might spy a very well-manicured landing strip) and a matching sheer zebra print push up bra, was a vision that would be fodder for any man's wettest dream - and she loved it. What she loved even more was thinking about how the males in the audience today would kill to see her like this but never would - "morons." Standing in her cavernous marble bathroom she took a half-turn in front of her mirror, placed a highly manicured hand on her sexy hip and glanced back at the reflection of her spectacular bottom with a smile - "perfect," she thought to herself. Why do these other women even try?

Self-satisfied as usual, Danielle proceeded to finish dressing. Paying homage both to the Davidsonville Red Devils - Central High School's mascot - and her own alma mater - Harvard Law School - the ever-fashionable Mrs. Parnell had chosen a sleeveless scoop-neck red pencil dress that fastened up the front with a series of seven large black buttons beginning conservatively where the neck dropped down to the start of her ample cleavage and ending just below the knee where the bottom button was left undone to permit her to walk authoritatively. The absence of sleeves accentuated her toned, tan arms and the silhouette created by the form fitting dress and her high stiletto heels was appropriate but breathtaking she thought - and she was right.

What Danielle didn't know was that just ten days before this her son Will, who although nineteen behaved too often like a child, had decided to use the very red dress she had just put on as a makeshift cape while taking on the persona of Super Man in the backyard. When Alia, the Parnell family nanny, saw Will and put a stop to it the dress was a complete mess - wrinkled and covered in mud. To save Will from the punishment that was sure to come if his mother found out, Alia had taken the dress to the dry cleaners and had it restored as good as new - well -- as good as new save for the fact that unbeknownst to anyone (yet) the powerful cleaning solvent required to remove the mud without ruining the color had caused the fine silk thread that both secured the big black buttons and held the seams at the shoulders and back together, to fray and weaken greatly.

Danielle finished the outfit off with a black pearl choker and a very high fashion round large-brimmed black straw hat that was more suitable for The Kentucky Derby than a middle school promotion but that further added to her air of superiority, appropriateness and privilege.

Putting on her large round lensed Chanel sunglasses she strode proudly out the front door and into her Mercedes convertible for the ride to school. Along the way she took delight that while everyone else on the stage that day - parents, students and teachers alike - would be trapesing around in a black polyester gown and cap (no doubt in most cases covering their likewise cheap and tacky polyester clothes), she in her fabulous red ensemble would be the center of attention. As she pulled into the parking lot she wickedly thought to herself "if those hillbillies ever knew what I had on

under

this outfit." Soon enough they would.

In the meantime, teachers, PTA parents and students were putting the finishing touches on the day's preparations. The ceremony was being held on the Davidsonville High School football field with the main stage set up in an end-zone so that the expected capacity crowd could fill the seats on the field as well as the stands used for games. Even though it was some thirty minutes before starting time, hundreds of proud parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters were already streaming in.

Meanwhile, the beehive of activity around the stadium was cover for 18 year old Billy Miras to set the ground work for a harmless prank. Having seen his sister Sharon cry when she learned she wouldn't be saying the pledge today and his mother relegated to a non-participatory role after a year of hard work leading the PTA, Billy thought some mischief was in order. Specifically, he was spreading some transparent, quick drying, rubber cement on the chair set up for "Anna Parnell - Pledge of Allegiance." He thought the laughs it would bring when Anna couldn't get out of her chair to lead the pledge would be fair recompense to his sister and mom. In his mind of course, after suffering some minor embarrassment from being stuck to the chair, Anna would simply unzip her commencement gown and either lead the pledge as planned in the graduation dress she had on underneath or throw a replacement gown on and lead the pledge that way - no big deal. If he only knew what was to come.

Finally the ceremony began. With nearly a thousand people looking on in the bright May sun, the band struck up a processional march as the faculty and students of Davidsonville's Central High School came walking out onto the field. Although almost all of the students and teachers filed into rows of chairs in front of the stage, a select few administrators, teachers, students, parents and local dignitaries proceeded up onto the dais. Among them of course was Mrs. Danielle Parnell whom, as she walked in with her head held high and hips swaying just a bit more than usual, delighted in the fact that her spectacular body and sophisticated fashion sense had no doubt already started the men drooling and the women acknowledging their own inferiority.

As Danielle and the others went to take their assigned seats on stage, she noticed that her daughter Anna would be sitting in the front row while she would be sitting immediately behind her. Not going to happen, she thought to herself, and without as much as asking Anna, Danielle reached down and switched the name cards on their seats.

"But mom," the young girl protested, "that's supposed to be my seat."

"You quiet down this instant young lady," came the pointed reply, "mommy needs to sit where people can see her - she is an adult after all and it's only appropriate. Now you just sit where I tell you."

"Yes mom," Anna replied dejectedly. Although young, Anna knew it was pointless to argue with her mother because her mother always won. As she took her seat, Anna thought of a phrase her dad would often use when describing the predictable behavior of his wife. "Don't bother arguing honey, a zebra doesn't change her stripes," he'd smile.

From there, the ceremony took on the familiar cadence of these things. The principal, Mrs. Whiting, said some words, Anna capably led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance, the band stumbled through the bars of The Star Spangled Banner and the top student in the middle school class was permitted to say a (very) few words. For Danielle the entire process had been interminable. It was warm for a May day and she felt like she had been sitting there forever.

Finally it was time to hand out the diplomas and Dr. Bloom stepped up to the podium and began to introduce Danielle.

"Parents, teachers, students . . . today we are most honored to have Mrs. Danielle Parnell here with us to help hand out the diplomas. Mrs. Parnell is a very accomplished and prestigious lawyer, a hallmark of authority and a role model of success for our students to follow."

She's a model alright, thought many of the fathers, fantasizing about the preening Mrs. Parnell staring down at them imperiously from her chair. Meanwhile, Danielle was reveling in her introduction because it further cemented in her mind how far apart she stood from the hum-drum soccer moms both in front of her and next to her on stage - particularly that Hobbit Rachel Miras and the obese Principal Whiting. For their part, the women of the community were choking on the praise that the fawning Dr. Bloom was now heaping on "Ms. Perfect." They all felt the contempt that she held them in and wished, just once, that she would get hers. That wish was soon to come true.

At the same time, Billy Miras was anticipating the punishment that would come his way when the glue that Mrs. Parnell had been sitting in for the last hour stained her expensive dress. How could his prank have gone so wrong? He felt for sure his mom would end up getting blamed and he worried that she might even lose her spot on the PTA.

"So, without further ado, I present to you Mrs. Danielle Parnell," finished Dr. Bloom as he gestured toward Danielle.

Uncrossing her legs and straightening the bottom of her form fitting red dress, Mrs. Parnell began to rise from her chair only to realize that she seemed to be stuck. A few chuckles could be heard from the teachers on stage as Danielle tried again unsuccessfully to stand up.

"Mom," asked Anna, "are you okay?"

"Be

quiet

Anna," she scolded.

Slightly embarrassed by her predicament, but with a strained smile on her face, Danielle again attempted, more forcefully this time, to stand. Only the most watchful observer would have noticed that as Mrs. Parnell pushed up again it appeared that the seams holding the fancy red dress across her fit shoulders had begun to part. What's more, the big black button closest to the bottom of her dress had popped off and rolled under her chair.

Rachel Miras was that watchful observer and thinking quickly knew exactly how to fix the situation . . . or at least how to "fix" Mrs. Parnell. Walking around from her seat behind Danielle, Rachel stepped in front of the struggling diva and grabbed her hand. It was time this stuck-up snob got the unveiling that she deserved - Hobbit indeed.

"Here Mrs. Parnell, let me give you a hand," Rachel smiled sweetly.

By now Danielle was worried. Although most could not yet tell the trouble she was in, she felt the seams parting at her shoulders and watched in horror as the top button on her dress popped off into the band pit revealing a bit more cleavage than she ever intended these "savages" to see. But her awareness came too late.

As Mrs. Parnell attempted to wave off Rachel Miras, Principal Whiting, who was sitting behind Danielle, suddenly understood what was happening and, as Mrs. Miras forcefully "helped" Danielle to her feet, the beefy educator put all of her 200 pounds to work holding Mrs. Parnell's chair in place. The force of Rachel's pull, coupled with the strength of the rubber cement and the anchor provided by Principal Whiting, treated the crowd to a most delicious scene. As Danielle was yanked to her feet, the high fashion dress split at the shoulders and in back its big buttons flying from the once stylish frock into the bells of instruments and onto the laps of astonished onlookers. As the once supremely confident Mrs. Parnell was quite literally pulled from her dress, a loud ripping sound together with a terrified scream were heard across the length of the field. The crowd, at first in shocked silence, went wild.

The accomplished attorney and role model that Dr. Bloom had just described now stood before a thousand plus people looking anything but authoritative. Wearing only her black 4.5" heels, sheer zebra striped thong and matching push up bra, a black pearl choker, sunglasses and, best of all, her large, straw, wide-brim Kentucky Derby hat, the once haughty Mrs. Parnell now looked like a cheap stripper!

Danielle was aghast. What had just happened? Where was her dress? How could all these people see her in her most intimate lingerie? As she dropped her head down, her fashionable sunglasses slipped off the end of her perfect nose giving everyone a look at the astonished and dumbfounded gaze on her face. Wanting for cover she snatched the giant hat from her head and hid behind it. Of course that only created a more ridiculous scene for the parents, students and teachers on stage who still had a fantastic view of the shocked mother's firm, zebra thong covered ass. More than one of the moms wanted to give her a well-deserved spanking.

As cameras and cell phones recorded Mrs. Parnell's undoing, the women of Davidsonville were in stitches, celebrating the comeuppance of this high and mighty snob. The men in the meantime drunk in the sight of this tease who had tormented and humiliated them for years with Dr. Bloom taking particular pleasure in her predicament.

The chain of events that transpired next put the icing on the cake of Danielle's downfall. As she turned to run off the stage, across the field and back to her car, the string of black pearls around her neck, that had been damaged when she was torn from her dress, gave way. With her first step she landed squarely on a pearl and, throwing her hat in the air, began a backward fall. Not wanting the stripped

prima donna

to get hurt, Rachel Miras reached out in earnest to help but succeeded only in grabbing onto the front of Mrs. Parnell's animal pint bra. Although Rachel's quick reflexes kept Danielle from tipping back into the band they also caused her sexy bra to separate from its wearer and fly off the stage. Left in only her heels and thong, and while the crowd howled at her humiliation, Danielle sought frantically to finally get out of there.