Tags: MC, MF, GR, HU
Synopsis: Stay out of the tunnels of Marinara Hospital.
Notes: "My Erotic Fiction". "My" means you cannot post it elsewhere without permission, although I will let you post it, in its entirety, at a free site. "Erotic" means if it is illegal or immoral for you, don't read it. "Fiction" means it ain't real in any sense- all made up (thank god!)
*****
PART ONE: THE SET-UP
Marinara Hospital has three remarkably odd things about it.
First, it is the first hospital in the world founded by Pastafarians (which makes the decision to serve spaghetti with meatballs in the cafeteria an interesting conundrum- blasphemy or communion?)
Next, it has an underground tunnel that nearly every person in it has to travel through every day.
Finally, a certified Mad Scientist/Genius lives there.
Jack Jefferson, MS/G was not supposed to live there, you understand, he just did. Dr. Jefferson stumbled into a little-used supply closet off the main utility service tunnel paralleling the pedestrian tunnel several years ago and really liked it. It was dark and musty, quite spacious, had almost unlimited power, had all of the utilities (even a full bath with shower just down the hall), and no telemarketers ever phoned- bonus!
Living on his own amongst the odd electrical fields and chemicals of the bowels of the hospital probably affected Jack more than he was willing to admit. He had taken to calling himself Dr. Ozimandious, using his middle name, because it sounded more like a true certified Mad Scientist/Genius than his given name. This was a bit scary since his middle name was George.
Things went brilliantly for Dr. Ozimandious for years. He invented death rays galore, doomsday bombs by the dozen, shrink rays, growth formulas, and more. He had a loyal henchman in a poor custodian who was looking for a place to smoke on the job, and he had a pet rat that he had turned huge and a pretty shade of vermilion. So far, he was frustrated in he efforts to get his pet rat to speak, even though he was able to raise its IQ to one exceeding his henchman's.
Thus, his days were filled with purpose and contentment until one day his henchman brought down a skin magazine. "What is this?" Dr. Ozimandious asked his henchman, Dimwit. (He had a different name once, but that was long ago and Dr. Oximandious had no patience for such twaddle.)
"It... its a girly magazine, Master. I thought you might like something different to read." Dimwit (whose real name was Malathustra- Dr. Ozimandious did not ever admit it, even to himself, but the real reason he renamed him was sheer jealously that he had a cool Mad Scientist-type name.)
"Girly? Girls? Females? That's right, there are two sexes, aren't there? This needs research!" Dr. Ozimandious rapidly delved into researching human sexuality. It probably would not surprise anyone that Dr. Ozimandious was a virgin by popular demand. Although not originally terribly unattractive, he always had little time for such social folderal and living in a dank laboratory for several years has not helped anything.
With his impressive IQ, it did not take him long to learn much about human sexuality and decide that he needed to partake in this. He called out for Dimwit. "Fetch me a girl!"
Minutes later, Dimwit drug in a young lady he snagged in the tunnel, tape over her mouth and more tape holding her arms together. "What is this thing, Dimwit? I asked for a girl!" Dr. Ozimandious turned his computer monitor around so Dimwit could see the slideshow of images marching across the screen. "One of these things! This thing you brought me is entirely unsuitable. Wrong height, wrong body mass index, wrong relative proportions. Her face does not arouse me correctly, and she smells funny- or is that you, Dimwit? Take her away and try again."
A while later, poor Dimwit was being yelled at again. "No no no no! This one is too tall and skinny. And look at all of those wrinkles and the odd faded hair color! How old is she, 100?" The fifty year-old was offended, but well-secured and just glared at the evil man. Dimwit took her away and returned empty handed.
"Doctor, you gotta understand. Most women do not look like the ones in the magazine or on your computer. Those women are the top of the line, and even then, a lot of them have been enhanced or Photoshopped." Dr. Ozimandious demanded a further explanation. Dimwit pulled up some webcam shots of the hospital to show what most of the people there looked like. Dr. Ozimandious was astonished- not only that Dimwit knew how to do this and he did not, but also at all of the women who did not look like Internet hotties. The Internet lied? That demanded more research.
Research begets research, and Dr. Ozimandious loved his research. Months went by as he dabbled in dark and evil things in his hidden kingdom. He almost totally ignored Dimwit and forgot about his pet rat who went on a rampage in a nearby town- but that is a different story. (Don't worry, it turns out nicely- the rat was elected mayor and is in line to be the next governor!)
People reported odd thefts throughout the hospital, and an odd maintenance man was often seen doing odd things in the tunnel. Dimwit found him one day blasting slime molds with one of his doomsday devices hooked up to a death ray, and spent another day listening to weird music in his headphones that left him with the odd sensation that not only did he really, REALLY like Dr. Ozimandious, but he also had an insane craving for Spam sushi.
One glorious day, Dr. Ozimandious took Dimwit out into the tunnel during a quiet period. "Behold my genius!" The evil doctor chuckled, evilly. He gave Dimwit a tour of the tunnel. "This is the starting point- every person is bombarded with subliminal messages that make the men walk on the left side, women on the right. Then, the subliminals tell everyone to ignore anything out of the ordinary." The proceeded down the tunnel a bit. "Now, the women are engulfed in an electromagnetic field from the cables hidden just behind the walls. The fields rearrange their brainwaves just enough for new round of subliminals to begin to reprogram their minds. Come."
Dr. Ozimandious took Dimwit past a series of small nozzles. "These spray a nano-particle cloud that the women will breathe in deeply, then they pass this ATM-looking machine where they will have their DNA read, fingerprints and photographs taken, and answer some basic demographic questions. A spray hypo will also inject a series of drugs to facilitate the desired changes. Come."
About ½ way down the tunnel the pair passed through a series of baffles, like metal detectors. "These panels determine which person is passing through and send out encoded micro-burst instructions to their particular nano-particles and begin the desired physical changes. Cameras and antenna throughout the rest of the hall ensure that the process is moving smoothly. Each day the person returns, the process is adjusted to suit their situation. Genius, eh?"
Dimwit looked down the long corridor. "But Master, what about women coming from this direction?" He asked.
"Never call me Buttmaster, you stu... huh? From THIS end? They do that?" Dimwit assured him that most of the people who entered the hospital also exited it. "Damnation! Great Vermicelli's Ghost! Why the hell would people leave? I'll never understand these creatures. Damn, damn, damn..."
He trod off, mumbling to himself, leaving Dimwit behind shaking his head. 'I love the SOB, but what an idiot' he thought.
A few weeks later and Dr. Ozimandious was proudly showing the Tunnel of Change v.2.0 to Dimwit. He dutifully listened to his master ramble on and on about the troubles he had duplicating the process but making sure it knew if the person had already been infected, 'if gates', and nand processors, redundant systems and so on ad nauseum.
He finally stopped speaking to bask in Dimwit's adulation. "That is truly wonderful Master! But, I did not hear how it tells useful victims from children and the elderly?"
