During these Covidinous times the diversity and overall quality of your sex life may be suffering. I appreciate that the expiry date for the Covid competition is long past and that this is all about Summer Lovin. But Covid is still with us. If you've read this writer's recent work, you'll realise that this is another script that's designed to develop your role-playing skills and counteract Covid 19.
It might appear to be perfectly acceptable for you to go out to meet someone and produce it from your trousers. After all, the two characters maintain social distance at all times. There's no sex in it.
The problem is that on completion there is the usual element of no holds barred, out and out, all-action intercourse. And when I said it would counteract Covid 19, I didn't mean that it would act as a vaccine. I understand that you may think it will be alright if you wear protection with a new partner. But this is not actually 1962. Pausing to put on full personal protective equipment will kill the mood.
Before you get down to it, you and your current partner will be wearing costumes. He's a successful businessman. The owner of Pierce's Holiday Camp. He should be dressed for the era and the season. It's summer, so light trousers and a blazer with a fresh flower in the button-hole. A bold coloured shirt perhaps and raffishly tieless.
The female character is a buxom but financially embarrassed holidaymaker from London about to attempt to throw herself at his mercy. This we know because she will refer to herself as being "brassic." It's Cockney rhyming slang for 'skint'. Some of you may be thinking "brassic doesn't rhyme with 'skint'. It's got bra' in it though, so it probably refers to the boobs." But, brassic is not a slang word referring to very large brassiere, but an attenuated version of 'boracic lint'.
So, don't worry about the brassiere. It's not a necessity. I'm going to recommend wearing a swimsuit and sarong. Daring perhaps, but I think you can pull it off. If you disagree, wear a floral sixties skirt and blouse with summer accessories. And if you want, a bra'. But it still isn't short for brassic and has nothing to do with being buxom. Clear?
The setting is the owner's penthouse office. This is immediately apparent because the female lead will shortly refer to it as the owner's "magnificent erection." She has been staying at the camp since the previous Saturday and is now standing nervously outside his door.
The first holiday camp in Britain opened in Caister-on-Sea, Norfolk in 1906. However annual leave was not introduced until 1939 when all employees were granted one week's annual paid holiday. By the 1950s two weeks were common and the industry was thriving. The popularity of the holiday camp reached their zenith in the early 1960s before it declined in the wake of the European package holiday boom.
Therefore, this scenario is completely feasible. The lady knocks.
Mr Lustily: "Come in!"
Sue Ellen Dowd: "Good afternoon Mr Pierce."
Mr Lustily: "That's Mr Lustily. Pierce is my Christian name."
Sue Ellen Dowd: "I do apologise. I assumed that your magnificent erection was named after your surname." Good afternoon Mr Lustly."
Pierce Lustily: "Lust i ly. Rhymes with...er..."
Sue Ellen Dowd: "Bustily."
Pierce Lustily: "I was about to say crustily. Bustily wasn't a word that leapt into my mind at all. But yes, bustily will do very nicely too. And you may call me Pierce."
Sue Ellen Dowd: "Good afternoon Pierce."
Pierce Lustily: "Good afternoon Mrs Dowd."
Sue Ellen Dowd: "Sue Ellen."
Pierce Lustily: "Yes, it is actually. How can you tell?"
Sue Ellen Dowd: "No, not 'Swelling.' My name's Sue Ellen."
Pierce Lustily: "Of course. Sue Ellen. Sue Ellen Dowd. Makes perfect sense now. And how may I be of service to you today Sue Ellen?"
Sue Ellen Dowd: "Well, do you remember when I checked in and you suggested that I should take part in your wet 'T' shirt competition?"
Pierce Lustily: "Of course. I've been focussing on little else since."
Sue Ellen Dowd: "Well I'm thinking that I may want you to enter me now."
Pierce Lustily: "You mean you're toying with the idea of taking me up on my offer to enter the wet 'T' shirt competition?"
Sue Ellen Dowd: "Yes. What else could I mean?"
Pierce Lustily: "Nothing Sue Ellen. But I've been trying to persuade you to take part since you arrived with no success. Now, suddenly, you're asking me. Why the change of mind?"
Sue Ellen Dowd: "Well this morning my future ex-boyfriend decided to invest our entire holiday fund on the Derby favourite Hethersett."
Pierce Lustily: "I take it that he didn't win."
Sue Ellen Dowd: "He didn't even finish."
Pierce Lustily: "So you've got no money for the rest of your holiday, and you think you could win it back?"
Sue Ellen Dowd: "I'd like to know what I'd have to do."