Peter Priper

I got back to the toadstool shortly after noon. The girls were sitting at the table, except for Violet. She was lying on her stomach on the loveseat, her hands cuffed behind her back, a bunch of green leaves sprouting from her ass.

"So where have you been all this time?" asked Trudy, her nose buried in her laptop.

I gave Retta a smile, but she got up and stomped into the toadstool.

"Ah," said Trudy. "That's where."

"Yeah, I'll..." I scratched my belly. "Um?" I motioned to Violet's anal garden.

"She has a carrot up her butt," said Millie.

I waited for some further explanation, and when none was offered, said, "I'll go talk to Retta."

The climb up the stairs felt like it took ten whole minutes. Actually, maybe it did. I am very reluctant to have these sorts of awkward conversations. She was sitting on her bed, red-faced from anger--or maybe just overheating. It had to be thirty degrees inside there.

"Retta, sweetie."

"The least you could do," she snapped at me, "is shower off her smell. You could at least do that."

I took a long shower, and when I got out she had gone back downstairs. Violet now had a beet or something in her mouth. There was foliage coming out both ends. Retta was laughing at her. She had no shirt on, and her boobs jiggled as she laughed. Oh, I thought, I'm going to miss those boobies.

When she looked at me, she sighed. "Are you leaving me?"

Before I was really aware of what was going on, I was reaching down behind her and squeezing her breast, and my erection was sticking over her shoulder, and she was licking the tip. "Not right away," I said. "Apparently."

She took me in her mouth for a moment. "We need to talk when my mouth's not full," she said, and then she filled it up again.

I took her upstairs and fucked her on the windowsill. She moaned in my ear as I thrust into her. That pussy of hers. Despite all the abuse it took, it was so incredibly tight. So tight. So--

"Retta."

"Harder," she moaned. "Harder."

"I can't go harder. I can barely move."

"Rub my clit, then."

"Retta, listen. I'm stuck. I am stuck in your vagina again."

She gave me an embarassed look. "Really, try rubbing my clit."

"Will that get me out or get you off?"

"Yes," she breathed.

I had an idea. I hoisted her up. She was still bucking up and down on me, oblivious, as I carried her to the other end of the room. I dug through my fanny pack and got out the tiny box with the condoom in it. It hadn't seemed right to leave a seventeen-million-dollar prophylactic lying on the Queen's floor.

If this doesn't get me out, I thought, I am so going to regret it. I lay Retta down on the bed and opened the box. "Okay, hon, just stick your fingers in there."

She prodded at it. "Ew. Is this a used..." And she was out cold.

And luckily, her pussy relaxed, and after a bit of wiggling I was able to pull my cock back out. I sighed. Then, of course, there was the problem that I felt like I was going to explode. I brushed my cock against her lips and mused over fucking her mouth--no, that wasn't right. So I stroked myself as I looked at her naked body.

Voices drifted in through the window. Millie and Violet, apparently finished their vegetable game, in post-coital bliss.

"Oh, my butt still hurts." Giggling.

"I can't believe you let me do that."

"Well, I was handcuffed. I didn't have much choice."

"I got you something."

"Chocolates! That's so sweet of you."

"Well, I was down at the market, and I was thinking about how much I love your demented little ass."

"I love you too."

"Cumslut."

"Psycho."

"Smoochums."

"Pookie pie."

There was the sound of sloppy kissing.

I looked at Retta, and imagined her bent over and being drilled by guy after guy at the college, and then turned around and pushed my cock out the window.

"Love you, baby."

"L--aaah! What the fuck!"

"Is that--"

"It's all over the chocolates!"

"Oh fuck, it's in my hair!" Millie looked up. "Peter! You bastard!"

"Software malfunction!" I called back.

"You son of a bitch, I'll kill you!" Violet screamed.

"You can't! I cost nine hundred thousand yen, smoochums!"

"That jackass," said Violet.

"You know I'm going to make you eat those chocolates," said Millie.

I gave Retta a kiss on the forehead and went to clean myself up.

I was in the kitchen making myself a sandwich when Trudy came up the stairs. "So, Peter. Flossie Macintyre just called."

"Who's that?"

"You know who she is. Short red hair? Dimples? Works at the stationery shop?"

I smiled. She was a wild girl. I looked forward to my weekly stationery visits. "How's she doing?"

"She's pregnant."

I coughed.

"Because she hasn't been on any birth control, since she thought a certain someone's sperm was synthetic. And now she thinks she's going to have a cyborg baby."

I cringed. "I should talk to her. Hand me the phone."

"You'll have to call her back," said Trudy. "I told her to take lots of iron and hung up. I can't stand it when people complain all the time. It's so negative."

Her phone buzzed. "Is that her again--" Her eyes went wide. "Hello? This is Trudy. Yes. Yes, we'll all be there." Her face was pale when she put the phone down. "You want to explain why we were all just summoned for an emergency court session with the Queen?"

"She took a metal detector to me."

"Shit," said Trudy. "Shit! I had not thought of that. You think you've thought of everything, but shit." She went over to the window. "Millie! Violet! We're fucked!"

"She found out?" came Violet's voice.

"Yep."

"Is it time for our emergency contingency plan?" Millie asked.

"Looks like it."

"Yes!" Millie shouted. "I love emergency contingency plans."

#

The girls had dressed quickly for court. Retta was in thigh-high boots and the shortest dress I'd ever seen. The bottoms of her buttocks showed even when she was standing up straight, and as soon as she bent over everything was in view. Trudy was wearing nothing but an apron. She was probably trying to make it look like the Queen's sudden call had dragged her out of the kitchen. It might be plausible to someone who'd never lived with her. All she knew how to do was reheat takeout and make coffee, and her coffee sucked. Violet was in a skimpy top and tight shorts, and Abigail/Raven had on a dress with a puffy skirt, and carried a parasol. They were all black, including the parasol. I don't know where Millie was.

"Um," Retta said. "Well, um, for starters, Abby had nothing to do with it."

"I didn't," said Abby. "I honestly thought he was a sex robot."

"She did," said Retta. "She's not very bright. And for seconds, um..." She sucked on her finger as she thought. "It was Violet's fault."

Violet's eyes widened. "What?"

"She forced me to do it. She said she would pull off Miss Theodora's head."

"I did not threaten your teddy bear!" said Violet. "I mean, I did, but only because you keep throwing your used dental floss in the toilet. I didn't force you to trick the Queen!"

"She did," said Trudy. "She's lying. She kind of lies all the time. I think she might have a problem."

Violet looked too shocked and furious to say anything.

Genie was in a flowing, diaphanous yellow dress. The skirt reached down to her ankles, though it was faintly see-through, and a wide sash extended from her waist up to a choker at her neck. I assume it was supposed to be pulled over her breasts or something, but they were hanging out free. I was brainstorming ways to thank her for wearing it.

"Very well, then," said Genie. "It was Violet's fault."

"It wasn't!" Violet hissed.

"But you all still lied to me. You lied instead of coming to me and telling me what Violet was doing. So you're still culpable."

"Dammit!" muttered Trudy. "I didn't think of that either."

"Um," said Retta. "We couldn't because she was blackmailing me."

"How?" said Violet. "Literally every embarrassing thing any of us has done has ended up in the newspaper."

"Not that time I got pee up my nose," said Retta. "Oops." She turned red, and looked at the crowd of people behind her. "I mean, the time I did not get pee up my nose."

"Enough already," said Genie. "You three are hereby convicted of lying to your Queen. Now where is Millie?"

"You can't convict me," said Retta.

"'Hereby' means I just did it right now. Does anybody know where Millie is?"

"You cunt," said Retta. Gasps rose from the crowd. "You stole my boyfriend!"

"Retta, honey," I began.

"Don't you honey me." She pointed an angry finger at Genie. "And don't you make this out like I'm in the wrong. You bitch." More gasps.

"So you're upset about losing Peter?" said the Queen calmly.

"YES!" Retta did look teary-eyed. "I'm going to be sad all day! And probably all day tomorrow!"

"Good," said the Queen. "You hold on to that sadness. And then a couple months from now, you'll run into Peter at a party or something, and you'll both have had a bit to drink, and you'll try to have a cordial conversation, and next thing you know you'll be on your living room floor having this incredible, bitterness-fueled ex fuck, and you'll be so ashamed of yourself but God you will love it."

"So the King still comes by every now and then?" I said.

Genie gave me a glare that could shatter a beer stein, then turned to her herald. "Have that comment stricken from the record."

The herald swallowed. "Was I supposed to be taking notes?"

"Yes." Genie sighed. "It's a trial. Retta, my point is, some pleasures you can't enjoy until you've suffered."

Retta thought. "Like bondage, you mean?"

"Exactly. Just like bondage."

"I hate bondage."

"Whatever," said the Queen. "Off with her head! And off with the others' heads too!"

The herald jumped up and blew a long blast on her trumpet. "Bring in the sexecutioner! All quake in fear!"

The doors at the side of the hall opened. And Millie walked in, dressed in an arrangement of leather straps and carrying a whip.

Genie coughed. "You are not the sexecutioner."

Millie gave her a shit-eating grin. "Remember how you were telling me to get a job?"

"Get your own job!" said Genie. "Not someone else's! Now line up with the rest of the condemned and somebody find my sexecutioner!"

#

Raven kicked in the door and shouted, "Your reign of terror is over, bitch!"

The sexecutioner looked up from his sudoku. "Is this a coup?"

"Yes, this is a coup! You're going down--"

"You'll never take me alive!" the sexecutioner shouted. He jumped up and grabbed at a little hammer hanging from a box on the wall. It read IN CASE OF COUP BREAK GLASS.

She dove at him as he smashed the pane on the box. One of her nunchucks pulled the hammer out of his hand. The other wrapped around his arm. He struggled and pulled it off. She dropped the nunchucks, grabbed his shoulders, and judo-threw him over her leg onto the floor. Then she held him down by putting a foot on his chest. Granted, he wasn't so much held down as staring transfixed up her skirt. But he stayed down anyway.

"At least you got to have a fight," said Violet, tossing two spears into the corner. "The guards just dropped their weapons and ran away when they saw me."

"You do have a reputation," said Millie. She looked around the room--there was a rack, a wide assortment of whips and paddles hanging on hooks, and several hooks for hanging people from while you whipped or paddled them. "Man. There is a lot of good equipment here." She took a tangle of leather belts off a hook on the wall. "Is this--hot damn! This is a dress. I am saying yes to this dress."

"I wonder what he was trying to get?" Violet pointed to the broken glass on the box. "He's got plenty of weapons around here."

Millie went over to the box and scooped out the folded paper inside. She opened it up and squinted at it. "They're...instructions. Very detailed instructions. So, Abby or Darkness Girl or whatever the fuck your name is, it seems you're supposed to drag him over to the rack there and strap him in. Then in a Tupperware box in the closet you'll find a latex mask."

"You wouldn't dare!" shouted the sexecutioner as Raven started dragging him to the rack. "I'm the Queen's own sexecutioner!"

"You're going to pay for what you've done," said Millie. She flipped to the second page of the instructions and her eyebrows shot up. "Oh, you are really going to pay. Wow."

Violet was reading over her shoulder. "Dibs on that one!"

"Come on," said Millie. "I want to torture some balls too." She turned the page. "Never mind. There is lots of that to go around."

Violet pointed to the sheet. "There's no way that's going to fit in there."

Millie shrugged. "We make it fit, I guess?"

"You monsters!" the sexecutioner cried. "What are you going to do to me?"

"You're going to get what you deserve, you" - Millie flipped back to the first page - "disgusting sack of raccoon piss. You're repulsive. How does a fetid, tiny-dicked worm like you think he can be the Queen's own sexecutioner?"

"I don't know," said Raven, strapping his wrist into the rack. "I think he's kind of cute." He had that wan, wiry look to him that always reminded her of vampires.

Millie drew her finger across her throat. "Stay in character," she hissed. She marched over to the sexecutioner and slapped his cheek. "So, scumbag, the Queen's holding court at three, and you know, we're not going to get through all this by then. You want like a bathroom break or something?"

"No, just leave me on the rack. I can wait."

"Your choice," said Millie. "Swine." And she slapped him again.

#

"Your sexecutioner's going to need a few days off work," said Millie. "I'm filling in for him."

The Queen sighed.

Millie strode up to Violet and slapped her. "You little slut. You are going to pay for what you made the rest of us do."

"I didn't!" said Violet.

Millie slapped her hard this time. "Did I say you could talk? And for that matter, did I say you could wear shorts?"

"Yes, you did. You picked out this outfit."

But Millie grabbed her shorts anyway, and pulled them down to her knees.

Violet gasped. "Please! Don't!"

Genie cleared her throat. "All right, that's enough."

"I'm punishing her, your Majesty."

"This isn't a punishment," said Genie. "You do this every day. I'm actually angry at you guys, understand? You need a real punishment."

"I can put them on the rack later," said Millie. "It's occupied right now."

"Maybe I should force you two be nice to each other for a change," said Genie.

"No," I said. "That is creepy. You do not want to have to see that."

"Then here's what we're doing," said Genie. "I am crowdsourcing this. Who here wants to help punish these girls?"

Basically every guy in the room raised his hand, as did most of the girls.

"Good. You four, bend over those benches. I want your asses in the air." Retta, Trudy, and Violet headed over, Violet waddling with her shorts around her ankles. They bent over the benches. "I said you four. Get over there, Millie."

"I thought you meant Abby," said Millie.

"I can't punish her. She's the same rank as me."

"Wait, what?" said Millie. Abigail/Raven turned bright red.

"Get your ass over there. And if you're going to be the sexecutioner, then you have a job to do."

"Yes, your Highness." Millie went over to the benches. She started unhooking the straps that made up her dress, and used them to tie the other girls' hands to the bench. When they were all secure, Millie got down on her knees, her ass in the air. With several deft movements she buckled her own wrists to the bench.

Trudy whistled. "That took talent."

"Now," said Genie, "let the spanking begin. Let's say we limit it to five spanks a customer, because we have a lot of people to go through."

The crowd started lining up behind the girls' asses. There were smacks, and yelps of pain, and whimpers. The atmosphere became hot and heavy. Between smacks, the girls were groped and pawed. Many of the boys were obviously aroused. A few were openly jerking off. Retta had her legs open, and so the boys were taking turns giving her a desultory slap, followed by a minute or two of vigorous fingering.

"Your Majesty!" Trudy called. "Retta's not being punished well enough! I just heard her have an orgasm!"

Retta took a minute to stop moaning, then said, "Tattletale."

Trudy yanked up her head. "That's a finger. That is a finger up my ass. It is in my ass." She turned and glared behind her. "I didn't say to take it out."

A boy went around the benches and was jerking off in front of Violet's face. She stared at him with heavy-lidded eyes, and so he pushed his cock into her mouth. The boy slapping her ass undid his pants, whipped out his erection, and pushed it inside her. She moaned.

"What a slut," said Millie. "Is someone filming this? I left my phone in the torture chamber. Everyone email me your videos!"

Genie sighed. "How you actually punish someone around here, I don't know. I'm going to grab a glass of wine before supper."

I watched as some guy I'd never seen before spread a gob of spit over Retta's asshole. "You go ahead and I'll catch up."