I always hated grocery stores, well let me be more precise, I hated grocery shopping. Yeah it seemed whenever I went shopping I ran into the same thing time after time. If I needed a certain type of bread, sure enough there was someone parked right in front of what I need. Now they were not just shopping, what they were doing was more akin to research. Never mind they weren't even in the store shopping for bread, but there they were looking over each variety in more detail than they did for their home loan documents.
So I moved over to the meat section and once again found someone right in front of what I need. This time we had a pair of vegetarians reminiscing. I veered away and headed for the eggs but find a vegan yearning for an omelet. After that it was the dieters cruising the ice cream section, the lactose intolerant in the dairy section or children in the wine section. Every single one of them stood in my way.
Finally giving up on getting everything on my list I started shopping at random. Well then I ran into the folks who were out for a nice stroll. They had an item or two in their cart, but otherwise they were simply wandering aimlessly looking at the scenery. Of course they happened to be doing it in front of me on an aisle with several other shoppers blocking me from breezing around the wanderers. No I was stuck plodding behind a couple commenting on the pretty boxes, or someone who wasn't even sure what type of store they were in.
And then there were the socializers. Old friends talking over what happened over the five years since they saw each other always seemed to park their carts on the narrow aisles, tight corners or smack dab between me and the groceries I need. They chat away while I tried to find some way to maneuver my half full cart between display kiosks, building columns, spilled juice and the never-ending tale of two long lost friends.
Anyway, on my last trip to the grocery store I thought I'd be smart and go early on a Sunday Morning figuring I would be able to do my shopping without all the crazies. As I pulled into the lot things looked promising with only half a dozen cars in the lot. I grabbed my list, walked in the store, grabbed a cart and started shopping.
Son of a bitch, there couldn't have been ten people in the store but when I went to pick up some bread I spotted an attractive woman, perhaps in her late forties, maybe early fifties looking over the bread, studying the loaves like her life depended upon it. I was about to head off and get something else on my list but decided to make a stand. No longer was I going to put up with all these ne'er-do-wells, I was going to get my bread without delay. The question was how to do it firmly but delicately.
I decided to simply stand right next to her and slowly squeeze her out of the way. Stepping up I grabbed a loaf, looked it over and then put it back on the shelf. Moving a bit closer to her I did it again. After several more moves I expected her to get the hint and move on. Instead, without looking away from her bread she said, "To get any closer you'll need to fuck me."