Garden Of Eden 3

The (Possibly) True Story of the Garden of Eden

The first thing you need to know for what I'm about to tell you to make sense, is that Yahweh has a really tiny dick. How do I know, you might ask? Because I was once the greatest of the Elohim. You can call me what you will, for I have many names. Call me "Lucifer." Call me "Satan." You can even call me "Ishmael" if you like. Speaking of Melville's over-written mishmash of a novel, I rather enjoyed it. Although I was rather disappointed that the whale won, considering the theological implications. Not that I have anything against whales - or sperm for that matter.

Well, back to Mr. Dinky. I'm sure you've read his version of the story, it is the number one bestselling novel of all time. It makes sense that it would be. I've fucked most of the New York Times bestselling authors, and virtually all of the males are as, well...lacking as Yahweh. Overcompensation is a mighty force indeed.

Speaking of overcompensation, ol' Yahweh was so defensive about his little gherkin that he decided to edge out the rest of the Elohim and try to convince humanity that he was the only god on the block. Tyrants, to a man, are all just trying to keep you from peeking at their junk.

You've heard about the Garden of Eden, I'm sure. How Eve ate the forbidden fruit and gave it to Adam and that all of humanity would suffer for it until the end of time. That's not exactly how it happened. There was an all-providing garden (Yahweh was the original "helicopter mom") but it was no paradise. Adam and Eve had to go to sleep by 9 P.M., constantly praise Yahweh to stroke his ego, and there was positively no fucking. Until I came onto the scene that is. (I assure you, my double entendre was quite intended.)

Adam was walking through the garden one day, when he came upon a fig tree. (I see you arching your eyebrow, no it wasn't an apple that started it all. This was Iraq, not Camden New Jersey, try reading your Bible in Greek, or Hebrew.) Anyway, Adam was walking past a tree when a sultry, muscular snake uncurled itself from a limb. "Hey" I said "How's it hanging'?"

"I have never seen you in Father's garden before," said Adam, all doe-eyed and tasty.

"I'm from another garden, just passing through," I said.

"It's very nice to meet you, I'm Adam. Do you have a name? I can give you one if you'd like?"

I swallowed my pride and replied, "Thank you very much for your kind offer, but I already have a name. You can call me The Serpent if you'd like."

"How strange that you have a name when neither Eve or I have given you one. Still, it's a pleasure. Would you like to worship Father with me?"

Now, I've bowed to Caesar and Attila, I've kissed multiple Popes' rings, I even thoroughly acknowledge Elvis as the King of Rock and Roll, Chuck Berry notwithstanding, but I worship no one. "Perhaps some other time," I said. "I was wondering about that knob of skin between your legs, I've never seen one before."

Adam didn't blush, he didn't have a reason to. "Oh, this?" He said grabbing his limp dick between his fingers and thumb. "This is my 'thingy'. Great name, don't you think?"

I tried not to spit my fangs clear across the garden. "Oh yes, a very fine name for a very fine attribute," I said.

Adam puffed with pride. The first man in Eurasia and already he was bizarrely obsessed with his own cock.

"It sure is a fine-looking thing, but does it ever give you any problems?" I asked.

Adam though long and hard before replying, as if he couldn't bear to say anything remotely unflattering about his own dick. "It takes me longer to pee than Eve."

For the next hundred thousand years, women have been claiming that men were oblivious, well this one sure as fuck was. "That hardly seems fair, but I was wondering about 'funny feelings' perhaps?"

"Oh," said Adam, taken aback. "You mean when it starts growing and feeling tight and hot?"

Bingo, I thought. "Yes, like that, tell me about when it gets hard."

"So, sometimes when Eve and I are hugging or wrestling or playing in a warm pool, my thingy starts aching and gets five times longer." (And so began a long tradition of men blatantly lying about the size of their hard-ons.)

"Does that bother you very much?" I pressed.

"Not really, but Eve usually starts getting damp down there and we don't speak for a few days, then it eventually shrinks back down."

"Has she ever touched it?"

"Touched it, why would she do that?" Adam asked.

"Because it would stop the aching, and it would feel very good," I said.

"Really?" said Adam. "Could you show me?"

"Well I could, but it isn't hard right now is it?" I said sliding my forked tongue around my serpentine mouth. Adam began to squirm and sweat. I saw his gorgeously conflicted thoughts dance on his young, smooth-featured face. He bit his inner lip almost imperceptibly. And, I kid you not, looked around to see if we were alone.

"Can you help me with that?" he asked with a catch in his throat. His eyes were wide and I half-expected him to run. I could feel his desire grow and I wanted to hold it in the pit of my throat forever before swallowing it down to burn in my belly. I gently dropped from the tree and softly ran my fingers down the length of his flaccid cock. (This being before God cursed off my arms and legs.)

Adam jumped back from my light touch, his cock twitching in a preliminary spasm of lust. The man looked ashamed and excited in equal measure; it took several palpable heartbeats before he met my gaze. Before he could protest, I began to roll my thumb over his hardening length. Adam's cock twitched fully to life as he gasped, sharp and high, like a barking pup. "It feels good, doesn't it?" I whispered.

"Y-yes, please don't stop," came his ragged reply.

The man's dick was now engorged enough for me to wrap each of my fingers around his shaft. I gently nudged back his foreskin with my thumb, exposing his purpling head. Tracing a vein with the tip of one finger from my unoccupied hand, I teased the underside of Adam's cock head. I feared the man might drop to his knees in surrendered delight. That's when I began to play with his balls.

They were not large, but they were heavy for their size. I rolled one testicle between my thumb and index finger as I began to pump his fully hard dick. Adam closed his eyes and his face went slack, knees beginning to shake. I could feel his balls begin to recede toward his pubic bone, telling me it was time to delay his building orgasm. Unbeknown to Adam, I had been subtly shifting my form as I ministered to his cock. Now I had a dick as well.

I grasped the man by the chest from behind, gently running my fingers over his erect nipples, occasionally scratching my nails gently against them. My cock began to drip a natural lubricant I had invented on the spot. As Adam inhaled sharply with the pleasure of it, I roughly entered his ass.

Adam cried out, but my hand had already clasped over his mouth. "Ssh," I cooed. "It will only hurt for a moment, when I reach your prostate this temporary pain will be worth it." Adam's startled cry transformed into increasingly ecstatic sobs as I rode his ass. I am reminded of the phrase "It started with Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." I agree that it didn't start with Steve, but it didn't start with Eve either, it started with Adam and me. The first act of penetrative sex in human history was good old-fashioned man-on-man fucking.

Adam's pleasured grunts grew louder and louder as my cockhead prodded his prostate. I could feel his hips buck back into mine, timing our thrusts to produce the deepest, roughest friction we could sustain. "Serpent, what is happening to me?" Adam half-sobbed. One more thrust from me sent him over the edge. His seed erupted in four quick mini-torrents, that I scooped up and let drip from my fingers onto my outstretched tongue.

"You came." I said. "The fluid that came out of your thingy can make Eve have a baby. I suggest you find something to use as a barrier or only fuck her towards the end of her bleeding time if you want to reduce the chances of more of you running around.

Adam pouted gorgeously. "Are you sure 'cumming' won't displease Father?"

I held the poor dear tight and stroked his hair. To my delight, he was shivering. "All the animals in the garden cum, Adam. That is how they make little ones. And they also do it just because it feels good."

"You mean Lion and Antelope cum?" Asked the wide-eyed man.

"Absolutely, even Earthworm and Crocus fuck in their own fashion, just generally not with each other." I smiled.

Perhaps Adam had noticed my form subtly shifting again, because he asked the question I hoped he's ask. "May I fuck you, Serpent?" The man was a fast learner.

The lean muscles of my chest began to bud mounds of fatty tissue. (Not very large ones mind you. Adam had no mother to over or under breastfeed him and cable television was several millennia away. I didn't need to worry about Adam fetishizing my tits.) My hard cock gradually split down the middle and retracted, leaving a engourged, pouty vulva. "I lay down on my back, the cool grass tickling the flesh on my ass. I beckoned Adam. "You may call me 'Lilith' in this form if you like." I growled. "Now come and fuck me."