Cops And Hookers 1

(I posted most of this piece on another website, and while it's lame I kinda liked it so I thought maybe some of you folks might get a kick out of it too. If not, oh well.)

MGM

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I was reading a story in the local mostly shipping packing material newspaper, there was a dandy one in there.

It seems that a local police department, in their zeal to make sure that NOBODY ever gets to have sex for money, set up a neat little sting.

OK. So the cops are bored, besides, everybody likes hookers and they get to see lots of neat stuff on their hidden cameras.

Besides, it's FUN busting dumbasses, and usually pretty safe, too.

No problem at all getting volunteers for that duty, it seems, lots better than kicking in doors at drug houses with mean guys with guns inside.

Instead, they get to watch some silly idiot show up expecting a piece of ass, only to find instead that he has been selected to make a donation to the government revenue stream.

It works like this: Hairy officer Santo finds some cute hooker's pic online, posts it pretending to be her. Doing a barter deal of course so it sounds nice and legit, they offer some nookie in exchange for 420.

For those of you that don't know what "420" is by now, best go get a life.

Anyway, 420 being pot, that is illegal. There is always some dumb SOB that bites, jetting over there as fast as he can go, baggie in hand. They get one of the better looking lesbian cops to answer the door, grab the poor unsuspecting idiot.

Now they not only have a neat bust, revenue for the police department, but a nice stash to use at the next cop's only outdoor barbeque.

Setting up stings where fake hookers offer up sex for drugs is at best just barely borderline legal, part of why the cops agreed to drop that program.

I say it is a bit like teasing a Dog until it finally bites, then killing the Dog for biting.

Damn Dog. We KNEW it was a biter!

It's on the edge of entrapment, no better or worse than sticking a 4 block 25 mile per hour speed zone in the middle of a 35 MPH one, or the typical hiding the speed sign behind a bush.

Then we have the situation where the cop stands on the curb, watching you drive merrily down the street, sticking one leg out at the last moment to see if your brakes are in shape.

One would think that enforcement would actually have something better to do, the first 10 minutes of the evening news each night suggests that they should not be bored.

Temptation. Dangle the bait, bounce it up and down, this is how a fisherman gets a Bass to come out from under a dock. Poor damn Bass resting under the damned dock minding it's own damned business and you FEED it something...with a damned HOOK in it?

You BASTARD!

Then from the number of cops we see busted on a regular basis for one thing or another, and having known more than my fair share of so-called "policemen" that I would not want in my house for any reason under any circumstances I think I see the mindset.

Sex for drugs or any illegal item is illegal, of course. Sex in exchange for any LEGAL item is illegal, so you women that refuse to give it up except in exchange for...marriage....Uhhh...??

OHOH!

Good lord. Why, THIS means that some of you women are NOT just housewives...you are HOOKERS!

Taking any item, legal or otherwise in exchange for sex is ILLEGAL!! That marriage license is...a legal item.

Only one thing to do. The marriage license must be a GIFT! Or we could all just start out having sex right off the bat, that way the marriage license doesn't enter into it.

Hey, you don't want a HOOKER for a wife, do you?

JOHN: "Drop your undies, Martha."

MARTHA: "What?"

JOHN: "Look, honey, I am just trying to protect you, is all."

MARTHA: "From what?"

JOHN: "Look, if I marry you for your nookie you will be a hooker. Can't have that, it's the LAW!"

MARTHA" "I don't think...."

JOHN: "We have no choice, now BEND OVER!"

MARTHA: "Oh. OK."

See how well this will work?

OR: Take them out for dinner, buy them a pretty coat or perhaps a dress, a piece of jewelry, how about a nice afternoon at the casino? A nice sack of homegrown...uhhh...Carrots..

Just a gift.

Then ask them nicely, that really does work just as well. The truth is that this is exactly the same as the gift of money.

Now offering up sex in exchange for any product is prostitution. The only difference between sex agreed upon and sex for an item is the act of making/accepting the offer. So logically anyone seeking sex for any exchange would never under any circumstances say so. Once the statement is made that it is just a gift with NO strings attached, it is NOT illegal.

Not even if it is money...or a sack of homegrown...uhhh...Carrots.

So...

Rosco: KNOCK KNOCK. "Hi! You must be Mary Lou? Say, this nice sack of home grown Carrots is just a loan/gift, OK?"

Hooker: "Why thank you, sweetie."

Rosco: "Your titties sure look nice in that blouse, can I see them?"

Hooker: "I don't know, I am not that kind of girl."

Rosco: "Say, here is another nice sack of home grown Carrots, so you can enjoy them tomorrow."

Hooker: "That is so nice of you. Say, would you really like to see my titties?"

Rosco: "Yes, I would."

Hooker: "OK. Well, here they are!"

Rosco: "Oh, I see you like me and are grateful, how nice!"

At this point, the Cops watching on the hidden TV camera in the next room burst in. Well, they do if they are making a TV show, if not, then they wait a bit.

COP 1: "Wow, look at the size of the root on that asshole!"

COP 2: "Man, she is taking the whole thing!"

COP 1: "Giggle."

COP 2: "Next time let's move the camera over, we can't see her butthole from this angle."

COP 1: "Well, looks like he is done, let's go get them."

COP 2: "Hell, what was that? $100 a minute?"

More giggles.

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I bet Judge Judy could work that one out.

WARNING! At this point, no matter what you DID say, the Cops will lie.

JUDGE JUDY: "Officer, tell the court your version."

COP: "I cannot tell a lie, I personally saw and heard Rosco here offer Mary Lou that sack of home grown Carrots in exchange for her nookie...Yes I did."

Cops never lie, everybody knows that.

ROSCO: "Your honor, that cop is lying!"

JUDGE JUDY: "Rosco, you are a MORON! On your best day you aren't as smart as me on my worst, so $5000!!!"

ROSCO: "But your honor! It was just a GIFT!!"

JUDGE JUDY: "AAAKKK! DON'T SPEAK! Next case."

Say, how about just calling it a "donation" to charity? After all, for quite a few of you any sex at ALL would be called "Charity."

I see some of the posts, I know for a FACT I could make THAT case stand up in court.

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My one question though is WHY is the hairy guy pretending to be the sweet young hooker on the internet not being arrested for making the offer? After all, that IS solicitation.....He DID make the offer, and THAT is illegal!

Nookie for 420? Come on now.

Even Cops can't make illegal acts, this is the law. (Yea, we know. They are COPS, they can do anything they want to. Suppose someone was to see what the Supreme Court had to say about that, though?)

Why not just legalize prostitution, make hookers get medical checkups regularly, hell, put it in the National Health Care bill, it would make one hell of a neat funding source. After all, we all know the politicians seem to LOVE nookie on the side, so what is the big deal? Plus a FEW of them go the other way, but oh well.

I guess nookie is nookie, no matter if it points out...or in.

Hey, remember Bill and Monica? That would not even be a scandal under this plan, it would just be Bill and Monica contributing to the economy!

No reason at all to put Billie's balls in the jar on Hillary's desk, now is there?

Say, maybe that 'Bama guy could contribute? He DID seem to like that Oprah lady? Man, would I buy the video of that! I bet he could balance the damned budget just on the sales of that one.

The catfight between Michelle and Oprah would do even better, I bet!

Sex. It's a constant battle, it's just not nice to have sex. Everyone should just stop having sex, now this would solve ALL of the world's problems. No wars, nice clean environment, lots of Salmon, lots of...

Wait a minute! When people are having sex they aren't creating wars, they aren't fishing, they aren't creating pollution, no one is having sex and robbing anyone, speeding, getting into accidents, in fact, most of the time when people are having sex they aren't causing any troubles at ALL!

Instead, MOST fights are over NOT getting any sex....?

Hmmmm......we all need to mull this over a tad, don't we?

Instead, society fights basic human urges. We can all see just how well that has worked over the last few thousand years. We can also see that they have the illegal drugs problems nicely under control, too.

Say, any of you cute girls need some fresh Carrots?

My garden is doing nicely this year....